SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One minute at a time, knowing that some minutes are better than others....

Baby steps..

It sucks now, but

Life won't always be this way...

Ugh.... I despise that feeling. It's a blacked out, cold world that only outsiders can see the outcome of. Trust me...you'll not only survive but you will thrive! You have abused and unappreciated for 10 years by a douche canoe. Your life will bloom with possibilities soon.

Just want them out of my life and thoughts. Let them be happy if that's the way it's going to be. I don't know how else to work through this.

Eat. Take breaths. Look on Pinterest for inspiration. Stop comparing yourself to her RIGHT now!!!!! You are a gem and she is a pile of garbage. You have a child....and that means you WILL be tough...and brave! You will hold your head high...knowing your worth is not measured by this situation. Be the classiest version of yourself. Be graceful and calm. Step lightly and take in the beauty of the world around you. NEVER let him see the hurt you feel. Stop pain shopping by re-reading her messages to you. Delete that poison from your life...but save it for the proof you'll need when he comes crawling back...he will come crawling back. Be prepared by building up your spirit to the point that you simply feel indifferent about him.

I just looked over your original post. 3 weeks post partum? Hmmm...you need to call your OB/GYN ASAP and get meds for depression. Like NOW. Call after hours if you must. Please remember that although your feelings are real and raw...they are a million times worse with all that excess Estrogen running through your body. What a pathetic, worthless piece of shit sorry excuse for a dumb fucking son of a bitch!!!!!!??????!!!! I am soooooooooooo pissed off for you!!!!!! Girl....listen to me...don't you waste even one more second of sadness on that garbage. What the fuck??!!!!

My sister mentioned the post partum. I'm susceptible to depression and bad thoughts so I'm definitely going to need meds. He won't come back. He already contacted lawyers too. He wanted her, he got her. I am only remaining strong for the baby, if I didn't have him, I'd be done. I had a meltdown over dinner and had to leave. This is not easy. Thank you ALL for your kind kind words. It is helping so much.

I am glad you have your sister with you..Meltdowns are normal you have been extremely traumatized..

I was 3 months post partum when shit hit the fan in our house (first D-day)..Even after 3 months a new mom is super sensitive and susceptible to depression..Keep your beloved sister and friends around you...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:08 PM, May 17th (Saturday)]

My sister mentioned the post partum. I'm susceptible to depression and bad thoughts so I'm definitely going to need meds. He won't come back. He already contacted lawyers too. He wanted her, he got her. I am only remaining strong for the baby, if I didn't have him, I'd be done. I had a meltdown over dinner and had to leave. This is not easy. Thank you ALL for your kind kind words. It is helping so much.

April,

I'm sorry you had to find this place, but it's a place full of wonderful people. I haven't posted in a while, but when I saw your story, I had to reach out. I, too, have a pos WH that started cheating before marriage (also a cop). It's fucking crazy making. Why go through the wedding, the kids, the pretense of building a life together? I've asked myself those questions so many times. All I can conclude is that there is broken and there is a fucking insane crazy level of fucked up broken that defines our WH's.

I only skimmed the thread, but I'm sure others have told you to take care of yourself. Please, do that. His level of fucked up has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, the repercussions have all too much to do with you and your kid(s). I'm so sorry for that. Nothing you did or didn't do made him the colossal asshole he is. There are a few of us on here with similar situations. I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone. I was 7.5 mos pregnant when I found out and it was a fucking nightmare. I'm so happy you have your sis and bff to talk to to. Feel free to pm me anytime.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but it will be okay. You will be okay. Sending you strength.

Bank account is secured, my money is out, and his money that he used to buy her expensive gifts still remains

I am going to start on a practical note. Where I live money taken out of the marital estate to buy gifts/vacations during an affair is called dissipation of assets. You are entitled to that money. If the OW sent you proof bring that to the lawyer's attention.

On an emotional note: I want you to know that I am so sorry. Keep your family and friends near you. Take care of yourself. This is not about some shortcoming within you. This is about the deep moral deficit/defect in them.

Fireflies, thank you. I honestly hate to put cops in the category of cheaters, but it's just all too easy for them. I am sorry for your pain as well. Exactly! ! Why marry me?! I honestly didn't need him to marry me, I would have been fine. He was literally never happy with me, and now I know why. He got everything he needed from her and only a house from me. He worked constantly and I barely saw him anyway. PM me, I am still not allowed to initiate pms. Thanks!

Rising from ashes, thank you so much. I am still waiting from calls from the lawyers and now he already has his lawyers, so I can only hope mine are better than his. From what she's told me, he has spend about 10k on her. Nice. This needs to get better

April,

It doesn't make sense to us because we're normal people who wouldn't do something so utterly horrible. It will never make sense to us. You're applying your normal person morals to a narcissistic shithead. Not gonna work. I'll pm you in case you want to talk. Again, you will be okay.

10 years...It was more than that.

PM sent, mama.

This needs to get better...I'm so much worse today. I'm afraid of how I will be when I hit rock bottom.

(((April)))

Hang in there, it does eventually get better.

You're in the fresh, raw state right now and I remember how the pain is almost unbearable. Keep family and friends close.

I just skimmed through this and all I can say is that I'm sorry this has happened to you. Life can be so unfair and cruel. Your husband is not a man but a mouse. He's a coward, totally spineless, and doesn't deserve you.

I'm happy you are taking a stand for yourself and kicking this guy to the curb. You mentioned that he is a cop. Perhaps did he use his time during his shift to see her? Maybe you can make a report to internal affairs just because and in the mean time let those two have each other.

Thank you. No he isn't a man, and hearing that from another man makes it that more real. From what she described he would "work" midnight but take the night off so he could be with her. I hope papers will be able to be served tomorrow!

Papers are being drawn up today...my heart is in pieces.