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Doubts (original poster member #40209) posted at 5:22 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
After one year of trying to get the truth about the breakup finally got confirmation of what I knew all along. He always said he couldn't remember which I knew to be an outright lie. I had to endure an entire year of pleading with him, being called heartless for not believing him when he said he couldn't remember. Even in MC. Counseling doesn't work if your not honest.
Of course he didn't want to break it off with her she just didn't have time for him when he could sneak out for the evening to be with her. Well I now know I am second choice. I am tired of hearing "well I am with you aren't I". Just makes you feel all warm and cozy.
Journal torn up, questions torn up, marriage license and vows torn up. Files on computer deleted and recycle bin emptied. Family pictures in trash. The only thing left in print and on laptop is my goodbye letter to my children just in case I lose it all together so they know that it was not their fault that their mother is a loser all the way around. Way over half of my life I was this man's champion and this is what I was second choice. DONE DONE DONE
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 5:33 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Okay, I understand you are in terrific pain and sorrow. But, please get some help dealing with this. You will get through this and he is not worth it. You will get make it through this. You will survive this. The pain you would put your children in if you were to hurt yourself would make this pain you are in now feel like a drop in the bucket. And I'm sure you would hate to hurt them further. Please, please, please get some help. We are here, vent, vent , vent. But do not do anything crazy. HE IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
damnUnicorns ( member #42691) posted at 5:34 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly! You don't deserve it. PLEASE do not hurt yourself. Your kids need you. Trust me, I understand. ... But please don't.
I lost my mom when I was 10 & I stalk have a gaping hole at 46.
No matter your kids age, they need you.
I have no advice on the marriage, as mine is in shambles too.
Please contact someone IRL. And vent here. People care.
HUGS!
Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!
swizzlestick03 ( member #30102) posted at 5:38 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
((Doubts)).
There is a loser here for sure, but it isn't you. Definitely not you. And you are right--done for sure with the old way.
Now it is time to wipe your hands of that loser and and start your life over. You get a re-do. Whether he is what you choose or you choose something else, it is still your choice!
It will all be ok.
Me: BW-36
Him: WS-35
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One smallish kiddo.
one2ndchance ( member #14759) posted at 6:07 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
{{{Doubts}}}
Don't think about a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are alternatives.
Trying to R was the HARDEST thing I have ever tried to do in my life. I became so tired of dwelling in the past. Now I just want to think about the future.
Look at my age. I am in the middle of D. While it is tough, I can't begin to tell you how much more at peace I am now that I am no longer dealing with STBXWH.
Knowing that the worst days of my life are over and in the past is what is getting me through everything. There IS life after infidelity and D....and it can be much better.
Married 26 years
DDay #1 2/2002
DDay #2 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorce final: 9/9/2014
It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.
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