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Girlietoo ( member #38719) posted at 2:23 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014
I'm still figuring that out. I very much want to move past this but it doesn't feel possible so far.
Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died
foundoutlater ( member #32900) posted at 2:39 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014
There was no question infidelity was a dealbreaker in my mind (I am reconciling). As a matter of fact it was the only dealbreaker that did not require some work to try and fix the M before D (and I am reconciling). Trying to fight through that was too difficult at first (I think someone called it cognitive dissonance – I called it cognitive disconnect). So I tried to look at it in another light - for me the M was over and I was working on a new M which could not really start until there was remorse and full disclosure. As we have worked through this mess I am finding that the M is not like the old M and that’s a good thing. Recently I am not feeling like I need that distinction as much either.
If you think you want to work through this but struggle with the old M maybe reframing it, letting the old M be dead and starting over might help. From reading your profile it sounds like you do not have the remorse or disclosure to really work through it with him. So maybe the A is not a dealbreaker for you but your H is making it a dealbreaker with his response. Completely guessing here but that’s what comes to mind.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.
Oftencheatedon ( member #41268) posted at 2:43 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014
I have been betrayed so many times in my life (hence my name).
When I got together with my current spouse I told him that if he ever cheated it would be the equivalent of his beating the shit out of me.
So if my current DH ever cheated it would automatically be a deal breaker.
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