SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Where is the line between being too controlling, even paranoid, and just understandable comfort checking? What I mean is how do I know if I am too controlling of him, asking too much from him?

Also, to be fair, she (supposedly) rode without touching him. Small comfort, I think.

I don't believe in this concept of "too controlling." What does that even mean? You state your boundaries, he can choose to abide by them or not. Then you decide how you want to handle his decisions.

So many BS were told they were "controlling" when their waywards were in their affairs, that they begin to believe it. And you aren't. You are recovering from the gaslighting.

Communication isn't always easy. I spent years wishing my husband would just 'know' the right thing to do or say.....but he is not a mind reader and neither am I. I also found I had to change my thinking that it was controlling to express my needs/wishes to my H. It's not...it's what adults do every day in business to achieve goals and marriage is much the same...we all have goals for our marriage and we can't reach them if we are left on our own to guess how to reach them. And there are ways to express them that can push people away and ways to bring people together.....these are things my H and I needed to learn.

I think IC would help work this out and if you haven't read The Five Love Languages, you might find some help there too.

Almost forty years with my H, I've learned we are always changing and don't know each other as well as we ever think .....talking, writing, listening.... being open with each other is the key we used to find our way back to 'us' and the best way, IMO, to keep the 'us' in our marriage.