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Ever since I learnt that ex who moved out of state is still with the whore who wrecked my life. I've fallen back into sadness, and low self esteem. How could I compete? She's White, while I'm Black so she won the man while I was left pregnant with a toddler. Multi-racial relationships really trigger me.

I've lost 1 week of being unproductive in school. Simply going to school but not concentrating on what's being taught. Haven't been studying when I get home simply trying to stay alive and be hopeful.

In my Master's program, 1 week not studying is too much wasted time. I'm lagging behind. Help me with words of encouragement so I can go back to focus. I feel so hopeless, I have so much pain. Sometimes wish I could just die. I can't believe this is my life. I never imagined I could be a single mom, left to care for the kids alone. I started counseling last week offered at my school. Advise needed not 2x4s.

I love all people, have friends from all races. What I don't like is when some Black men become a little successful, they leave the women they've been with for the White women that show interest in them. It further erodes our self esteem.

[This message edited by BrighterFuture at 11:36 AM, June 1st (Sunday)]

My first husband ( now ex) had an affair with a black woman ( i'm white ) and then married a different black woman, divorced her and is now married to what I think is a philipino mail order girl who looks our daughters age....there is no accounting for messed up people...i dont think race matters, though initially it was hard for me to think nice thoughts about black women after this happened to me - thinking what was wrong with me all that stuff....but soon I realized he was just a messed up person ( he is bipolar and wont take meds - his second wife told him " you dont need meds, you just need to have a few drinks when you come home ~like normal people do" boy howdy did she find out how normal he was NOT and she left within a couple of a years lol )

(((Brighter))). I'm so sorry you are hurting. And don't beat yourself up too much about losing focus for a while. We all do. You can do this. You can do it for yourself, your toddler and baby coming. Your name says it all. You will have a brighter future. Don't let him steal that from you. you can do this. Focus on what is to come, your children, your education, your career and, I'm sure, a man who will appreciate and support and deserve you.

I think what you are feeling is totally normal! Everyone has different triggers. If the OW was a redhead, you'd have a problem with redheads...you get what I mean?

For me, the trigger is horses. OW had a horse and rode them. I used to love these huge beasts and found them majestic! Now when I see them all I can think is "fucking whore I hope you fall off your horse and break a leg!" LOL

Anyways...I think you could benefit from deathbybetrayal's post called "Honey, they always affair down" It's one of my all time favorite SI posts! here it is!

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449

The OW could have been anyone. Literally. The sooner you realize that focusing on her gives her the power, you'll be better off. Don't even give her the head space.

Would you actually feel better if he had cheated on you with a black woman? I don't think her skin color, religion, hair color or anything else even matters. When someone leaves you for someone else, it hurts...no matter what color they are.

Focus on you! You're getting your masters degree? That's awesome! Don't let him take that from you too! Work hard...work harder!

Thank you ladies (tears) I'm glad you understood me not judged me from what I wrote. I have a lot of friends. The ones who've helped me in this town the most have been White, so I'm not against interracial marriages. I think just like you all said, we have different triggers be it younger women, women of certain races etc.

I'm working hard not to hate people because someone of a certain race hurt me. She is an evil person to do this to me while I was pregnant. He is a broken loser who will always be looking for what he does not have.

Thank you all so much. It's been a difficult week for me.