SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What OK now said word for word...Read and reread...

I am a BS who has a greedy WH, OK now's post completely resonates with me!

Greediness ruins the whole world, not just marriages and families.. I agree with the previous poster about finding a job..

I retired due to poor health but this shit is gonna force me to unretire :-(

[This message edited by doggiediva at 2:38 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]

Yesterday we moved my wife's father into an assisted living facility.

Today we found out that our child is on the autism spectrum.

Life pretty much sucks right now.

My honest opinion....stop forcing yourself to DO anything. If the 180 feels wrong...nix it. If it feels right to support her with love (and much less trust) do it.

I agree about finding a job. I hate to sound negative about your "alternative" parenting arrangement but when one person carries the load financially it breeds animosity. There's also been research done on stay at home dads suffering from lowered testosterone (which will throw your emotions and libido out of whack). By nature you are designed to hunt and provide. Being a stay at home dad for five years (though hard in it's on way) is demasculating.

As for adventure...you need adventure and happiness too. Not just her. Take a car ride together based on a blindfolded map poke...don't expect it to make your marriage perfect. Do expect it to give you a dose of adventure. Sign up for dancing, pottery, kickball...any of those things. Remember who you were before the walls caved in. You're more than "dad".

Update: meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to discuss my options.

I have no idea if I will actually file. Hell, I haven't even decided if I will kick her out yet.

But I'm sick of limbo and I'm sick of her shit.

Does she still have any contact with other man?

BB

Be strong. For yourself. For your kids.

Your wife chose the selfish option. She had a choice to act like an adult. To deal with the families issues.

Instead she chose to cheat, lie and risk breaking up her family.

It is up to you to make those tough decisions.

And you do not have to wait while your wife has her "adventure". She is missing out on the adventure god already gave her and is right in front of her. You and your kids.

Do not be her Plan B.

HM

BaltimoreBlues, wow not only do we have a similar user name but our cheating wives read the same book and say the same crap.

The fact of the matter is the choices your ww made had not a damn thing to do with how good of a husband you are or are not! It is very important for you to understand and believe that. It took me a while to figure it out (I didn't find SI right away) but once I did I started making better decisions.

The truth of the matter is your ww made her choices because she is a messed up (broken somehow), selfish cheater just like my xww. Her own brokenness and selfishness took her to a place where she justified everything and had her fling. They know that what they did is wrong so there has to be a reason or excuse for what they did. So the reason will always be the BS, this is all your fault because your too nice and there is no passion, you just get along too well, maybe you weren't meant to be, maybe your just such a good friend . I hope you can read that, process the fact that she is the one that is broken, and realize how much bullshit all that is!

One of our members posted a link a while back to a page that describes patterns of betrayal. I found it to be spot on for my xww, I will include it in this post. It really makes it clear that this isn't about what you did or didn't do as a spouse, it is about the broken mind of a wayward.

http://beyondaffairs.com/patterns-of-betrayal/

I want to try to fix this because I'm still in love with her and I don't want our children to have to deal with this.

Realize your not in the drivers seat at this time. You have gotten some great advice already, the 180 is the best route. I can assure you that if you try to love her back, or nice her back, you are going to have more DDays and will ultimately fail. The only way to get her back is for her to realize she is broken, seek counseling, do a boatload of work on herself, then both of you do MC and work on your marriage. None of that can happen until she is remorseful, not sorry, remorseful. Remorseful is all about owning her crap for doing this, not blaming it on you. The saying around here is "actions not words." When you see here doing the right things, and making the changes you will know she is headed in the right direction. Until then she is going to "tell" you what she is going to do, and it will all be a bunch of smoke to get you back into her world.

One other thing I would like to promise you is this, it does get better! This is a process, the more you learn about it the better you can deal with it. SI will help you learn. We have all made our mistakes as well as had our successes, and we are glad to share with you. Keep posting here, there are so many helpful people, it truly is an amazing group. Post for questions, post to vent, it is all good.

Wishing you and your kid's the very best brother!

BSB

[This message edited by bigskyblues at 12:56 AM, July 29th (Tuesday)]

oh wow, so much is piling up... so sorry. I offer a hug and to keep strong.

Just know what she says now is her clinging for closure or hope to reunite with the OM. This adventure mumbo jumbo is just that. What is she going to do, go party now? Lol She is clinging and leaving the door open for the opportunity while baseless and does not make sense... neither do affairs.

keep strong

I just love what OKnow posted:

Her attitude is very worrisome when she spouts that crap about wanting adventure, freedom and excitement in a new life. Generations before us consisted of wives who were grateful just to hold body and soul together, to feed their families and live an existence without too much tragedy and heartbreak. Now we have terminally stupid women like your wife who want a lot more. Sexual passion instead of a humdrum marriage. In a world so full of human misery, your WW wants more than a faithful husband, wonderful children and good health. Greedy bitch.

What can you do? The best thing is to let her go if thats what she really wants. She is going to have another affair, she has virtually told you that in expressing her need for romantic fantasies.

Right now you need her to recover from the loss of her lover and 'true soul mate'. When her depression is lifted and she is ready for her new life, then allow her to leave if thats what she needs. Meanwhile it is imperative for you to detach and become strong. If she pulls her head out of her ass it can only result from regaining respect for you as a confident, strong leader who will not allow himself to be insulted by his cheating wife. If you cannot do this you will lose; guaranteed.

You have to cast yourself in a new image to become a sexually attractive mate, and to accomplish that you have to pull away and reinvent your status as a BH. Either you learn how to stop caring for her and to stop being so vulnerable, or prepare for fresh misery down the pike. I'm afraid your WW hasn't finished hurting you yet.

I agree with her 100%. everything

Should I tell my wife that I spoke with an attorney or should I keep that to myself?

No. Say nothing. Please don't tip your hand until you are ready.

I agree, say nothing unless you intend to use it.