SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello all,

I was at church and the Reverend brought up an interesting thought. She talked about the seasons of one's life and how happiness changes. What made me happy at 8, does not make me happy now.

This idea really struck home with me. For the last 30 plus years of my life, I've been married twice and raised my son. My idea of happiness had to do with seeing my son and spouse happy and the joy I derived from those relationships.

My son is now on his own and I am single. So, how do I define what makes me happy now? How are my core values changing as I move into this new part of my life.

I don't know how to do "single". Although I am finding things that make me happy - the sun glistening on the ocean, walks under the canopy of trees, juicy nectarines, graduating from school (yes!!!), time spent with friends, visiting my son, knowing that I have walked through hell the past year and a half and am doing just fine. I found my laughter again.

There are still times when I struggle with being alone in the house. There are times when I feel angry about the affair and times when I feel such a great sense of relief to not be in that marriage anymore.

There are times when I feel afraid, I don't know what my life is going to look like. I am looking for work. I have to sell my house and move. I have never looked for a place to live on my own, so this is new!

How have you redefined your happy?

I have to disagree with your Reverend. What made me happy at 8 still makes me happy--summer vacation, birding & any kind of nature study, crafting (sewing, crocheting, cross stitch--ok, I added knitting later in life ), riding my bike...

I've added to the list, but I can't think of anything I've subtracted.

I think after being betrayed and divorcing, it's about re-finding your happiness, not necessarily discovering new happiness.

Once you find your new living space and a job, things will shift and change for the better. Getting rid of loose ends is very calming.

Agree with Sazzy ^^^. Finding childlike pleasure in small things again is one of my greatest joys these days.

Just sitting and basking in the sun with a cup of coffee and a good book makes me happy beyond words.

Having an uncomplicated life is also making me very aware of how relationships can complicate things, sometimes unecessarily.

I can't imagine having to report to anyone again.

That's my happy right now.

I agree with all of you.

I've often said to my H "this is the season we are in right now", most often about soccer games interrupting Saturday morning sleep ins. I love to sleep in, but, it makes me happy to watch my soccer star play goalie and STILL kick a goal from the other end.

I've redefined happy based on what season I am in. That doesn't mean I have given up previous things that made me happy. I still love mismatched neon socks, jumping on the trampoline and REALLY lame jokes. But, I can look at this moment in my life, and be happy with muddy jeans and hugs given with greasy hands when the bike wasn't quite as fixed as my 10 yr old thought it was.

Obviously, I'm at a little different stage. I have little kids, while yours is grown. But, I think when we spend too much time thinking about different stages, what stage we WANT to be in, that is where the unhappiness comes in.

You are in a new season. Does it make you happy to wake up before the neighborhood and drink coffee on the porch? Does it make you happy to volunteer to babysit the 3 yr old down the road so his parents can have date night? Would it make you happy to learn to play guitar, now that time isn't going to your sons ball game practice, and money isn't going toward the pants that are outgrown or worn out weekly? Would you be happy with more time at church or more time in the gym, or less for everything and a stack of fluff novels on the coffee table?

It sounds like this season is about you. Now, it looks like you need to find things to enjoy in it.