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I think I'm going crazy. Just got the notification in the building system that I had mail ('messenger') and my first thought was 'my husband is sending me divorce papers'. My heart almost stopped. I grabbed my keys and went to get the mail and on the way downstairs I thought 'maybe my husband feels terrible about what he did and he is sending me flowers'? When I reached the ground floor, I found out that it was the baby formula that I had ordered a couple days ago. How long does this craziness last? Just a simple mail notification turned into a roller coaster ...

Yeah, I can totally imagine that happening to me. To me the craziness has lasted over a year.... it hasnt gotten better. Some things have but I think since the trust is gone, there will always be an untrusting, nervous or even paranoid side. I'm glad it was just innocent mail! :)

Wait - I'm confused. You served your husband with divorce papers, but you were afraid he'd signed and processed them? Were the papers just a last ditch attempt to get his attention? I'm not quite sure I understand. But yeah, welcome to the never-ending roller coaster ride. Ugh.

Hi NeverAgain - no I haven't served anything. I just found out about this on Sunday and currently I'm still in shock. Also, he asked me to not divorce him right away but give him a chance to get his act together (which I don't think he will do, sadly). After I agreed to not divorce him immediately, I asked him to end contact with the person and since then I have not heard a word from him, no responses to texts, not even picked up the phone when I called him. I thought that he might have changed his mind and served me with divorce papers. I'm really ambivalent about the divorce. Over the last years a lot of bad things happened to us and the rough times didn't have good impact on us as a couple. But emotionally I am still very attached to him (8 years, we have a baby..). He always makes great promises, seems to want to have a future together as a family and sometimes I have hope. And I'm also scared of being alone.

I remember the hyper-alertness well. For me, it got a lot better when I let go of the idea of reconciliation and filed for divorce. It took about four months for that to happen, and to be honest, there were things that would trigger it for about a year after that.

he asked me to not divorce him right away but give him a chance to get his act together

How is ignoring your calls and texts accomplishing this ^?

At the very least you should get a free consultation (or two) with an attorney to find out what your rights are.

Your husband has now abandon you and your child(ren) and is not communicating with you.

Which says he is most definitely not "getting his act together"!

Not sure how long it lasts. I've been on the coaster for a year, but it does get better. There is nothing I can do about the linking memories, or just simple triggers.

Only thing I can say is that the triggers and mind movies have less impact with time.

Wish you well.

He asked you not to divorce and now he's ignoring you?

I'd get his attention. I'd send a text that reads:

I said I wouldn't file for divorce while you got your shit together. However, if you're going to act as if I don't exist, I'm going to file. You have until tomorrow to get here and explain yourself, or I'm filing.

You don't have to wait for who knows how long to find out what is happening with your life. I know you're new to this, and your head is spinning, but trust me, the longer you let him control the situation, the worse it will get.

Isn't he a foreigner? Don't wait. Here's why. If he returns, getting divorced just got complicated. Very complicated. Ask a lawyer who has done this before. Your WH may be stalling until he makes,good with his escape and all your liquid assets turned into gold bullion which he smuggles,back to India(?).

Not saying this will happen,,but it might.