SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Befuddledhubbie - As the others have said, if your ww refuses to go NC, you need to move on. I have watched time and time and time again, particularly from BHs, if you don't respect yourself, neither will your WW. It NEVER works. No matter how much we say or reason, or give evidence, some men simply can not stand up to their WWs for themselves. I hope you are not one of them. If you are, I can assure you that you will have months perhaps years of pain. If you're a doormat, you're going to be lost.

I really hope you're paying attention to me. If you're a doormat, you're going to lose everything. Most importantly, you will lose yourself.

You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it. If she wants loser-boy, let her have him. Divorce, be single a while, and be a good father. That is infinitely better than staying in a bad situation like this. You CAN NOT *nice* her back. she is in selfish mode. She will see you being nice to her as weakness.

Once your wife spreads her legs for another man, you've got to assert your dominance. If you don't, you're lost.

best of luck.

You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.

This in a nutshell.

You don't want a guy with a record around your kid go for primary custody.

It's water over the bridge but NEVER have a male room mate when married.

As uncomfortable as i was with him there, he never came upstairs. he was placed in a tiny room in our basement, that didn't even have a door. he brought his girlfriend over once he was over his ex, and playing the field again.

SO i didn't worry about him then. When we kicked him out, there was used condoms, stiff socks, cups and bottles full of urine!!! Even though we have a perfectly clean bathroom upstairs.

My wife, her sister, and her mother cleaned his stuff out, and there was nothing but disgust about how he had treated our home.

Then he had the semi-accident. his girlfriend dumped him because he didn't have a car, she was later taken into child protective custody for being under the influence of alcohol and a substance as a MINOR. He didn't know she was a minor, but that's what he says.

His mom has a guardian due to her mental instability, and his step mom hates him, poisons all of his father's relationships. he only had and aunt an uncle living 1 1/2 hours way to care for him, before that uncle got into a roll over accident that is causing him to loose his mind. in all of this he has overdosed 4 times...

I have pity on him, cause he has no one. But he was disgusting, he has fucked her twice by her own admittance, and he dares to comment on my parenting. Even though he is single, and never cared for my wife or daughter like i have had to.

she says he had no part in pursuing separation. that she was unhappy before the A. she says he will go to counseling, but her aim is for us to be friends, for our daughter's sake.

It rings hollow. If she was unhappy, pursue counseling before a cripple's cock. Says that they are unofficial, and that he probably isn't going to be long-term. only makes me feel like it was intentionally hurtful. and i need to remind myself often if i am going to have the guts to tell her to her face.

If you read the posts on JFO don't you see a trend? Tough guys win; they control their own destiny and the outcome of the marriage. All I'm asking you is to read a hundred or so threads and get to understand that strong people do really come out on top. You will soon understand what you need to do to arrive at a future that you are content with. Its painful to make tough decisions when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, but if you want to win.....

If you read the posts on JFO don't you see a trend? Tough guys win; they control their own destiny and the outcome of the marriage.

This is what struck me. I am a strong alpha male, and when I started acting like one, implementing the 180, refusing to accept ANY responsibility for my WW's A, and insisting on NC before making any moves on our relationship, she noticed.

She's still defensive and blame shifting, but she comes to me; I don't go to her. She isn't fully in yet, but I've definitely seen a difference when I calmly stand up to her.

Stand up man! Pull up yer socks! Implement the 180. And don't worry that the guy was a loser; it seems to be a common theme around here, my WW's OM is a loser too.

Her aim in counseling is to be friends? Why bother? You don't need her as a friend. As long as she plays that role, being the good guy in this friendly split (the story she'll stick to, anyway) you cannot get on with your life. She wants the good, useful part of you so she can play nurse to this drugged waste of a human. But then, women like stray animals, too.

Don't waste any more of your time thinking about him or asking the inevitable question "why?" either.

And, most of all, maybe she'll realize she really screwed up and beg to return. Don't fall for that. The sudden change of heart is often her reaction to the loss of lifestyle. Actions, not words, are the only things that mean anything truthful. And you've seen her actions. It takes a spiteful type to openly carry on an affair.