EDI, how are you getting through the panic attacks?
I ask, because your story reminds me a little of the early days after I finally got the ability to get away and start S....
I was in so much pain, so frozen, so miserable. It hurt so much. I was convinced I couldn't take the pain any more.
I used to say the words "I can't take it" over and over and over.
And yet. I did. I was able to go through reliving the trauma in my head over and over and it hurt so much and I thought I couldn't take it.
But I did take it. I could take it. I was telling myself a lie. I was much, much stronger than I felt. I felt so weak and hopeless and helpless.
I wasn't what I felt. I was feeling emotions that were awful and scary, but those feelings never resulted in awful or scary things happening to me. The trauma was actually in the past and what was going on, with some trigger that started the adrenalin - the heart racing, the pounding pulse, the sweat, the nausea, the incredible jitters.... was not something in the present.
It got better. I think I'm actually mostly through the PTSD and maybe even a lot of the depression.
How are you holding up? Has it gotten any easier over these last few months? Are the sensations of your emotions and panic attacks abating at all? Are you seeing progress? You are so brave to keep seeing this guy. How has your body been reacting as time has passed?
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
