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Hi friends, Somehow I have survived this far in the infidelity experience with IC, meditation, and the distraction method of keeping myself very busy. I do have daily anxiety but have been able to overcome it. I have used every natural remedy known to man; GABA, lavender oil, valerian tea, kava kava.

Yesterday my WH told me he is going to the mainland (we live in Hawaii, the OW lives in MN) to help his parents move and "clear his mind". The last time he told me this was when he and the OW planned to meet up to take their 7 month EA to the next level of PA. They grew up together and both of their parents still live in the same town. She is married with kids, but separated now. My WH and I are also separated.

After he shared that he was going to the mainland, my anxiety has been ramped up a notch. I'm a petite woman to begin with (I've never weighed more than 108 - except during pregnancy) but have lost ten pounds in this process and I'm down to 91 pounds. WH says he doesn't know if OW will be there as he insists he is NC. But I don't believe him. I think it may be time to request anti-depressants. Now, I'm the type of person that doesn't even take cold medicine because I don't like the way it makes me feel stoned. I'm a "lightweight", literally. I don't drink alcohol. I don't drink caffeine. I don't smoke pot. After my C section, I didn't take any pain pills, only extra strength Tylenol.

So, I want to know from your experience - what anti-depressant do you/have you taken? Did it help with anxiety? Did it increase your appetite? Did you feel stoned? How long did you take it before you started feeling more calm? Any side effects? Was it hard to wean off/step down when you felt you didn't need it anymore?

Lots of questions!

Everyone reacts to AD's differently, and each AD is different for each person. To a large extent, you need to work with you doctor to find the one that works for you.

Having said that, certain ones have reputations. Some have sexual side effects, some have weight gain, some are mind-numbing.

I was on Wellbutrin which has a reputation for fewer side effects. It's not effective for some people, but it worked for me.

By itself, it helped with the daytime and the recurring negative thoughts, but it didn't help me sleep, so I took other drugs for that.

I did not feel stoned. In the past when this question came up on SI, I described depression as walking through a thunderstorm. Wellbutrin was like a small umbrella. I still got wet; it just gave me enough control to make my way through.

I was on it for about 18 months, and my doctor was careful to only wean me off it in the Springtime, when the days were getting longer.

It is important to work with your doctor on finding a medication that works best for you.

I have tried different ADs and almost all of them had side effects that I didn't like. My psychiatrist prescribed a new one for me, Brintellix. It has worked very well. The doctor said he liked the medication because it was "clean" in its compostion (whatever that means).

The only difficulty with Brintellix is that it is a very new medication. I think it got FDA approval in late 2013, so some insurance companies will not pay for it.

I have had no side effects and it really helped me get out of my funk. I was really low after D-Day and I never really fully recovered.

Anyway, talk with your doctor about it and you will certainly find something that works for you.

I had taken wellbutrin many years ago when I experienced three deaths of people very close to me within less than a year's time. It helped get me through it. Didn't experience any side effects from it.

I've tried several AD. I'm taking wellbuterin now and its the only one that makes me feel like I'm not taking any. The others made me too flat lined, gain weight, or did nothing at all. I have a lot of stresses going on in my life and it has,really helped me. I tend to shut down when overwhelmed, I've not done that since I started wellbuterin. I've read its also good if your trying to quit smoking or have mild ADHD

I took paxil, then wellbutrin. With paxil I would forget what I was saying in mid sentence. With wellbutrin it made me let little things slide. I didn't get all worked up over something, I could stay calm. However,,, it worked too well, as I lost the ability to focus. I could not focus to read a book, pay bills, etc.

Regarding your H trip to the mainland...are you separated because you are divorcing, or separating because you are trying to work it out. If it's because you are working things out,,, tell him you are going with him,,, or have a PI hired in that town to verify what he is telling you.

Thanks for your input. Seems like wellbutrin is the common AD. I meet with my IC on Tuesday and will discuss with him and then get an appointment with my PCP to prescribe something. I was doing really good these past six months managing the stress and anxiety all naturally but WH's notification of his trip to the mainland pushed me over the edge a bit. Thanks again!!

Individual response to ADs is huge, don't be discouraged if it takes a little time to find the right med.

Also, if you're inclined to use herbal or alternative ADs-and I don't know if you are, but they usually come up in this discussion-- remember that they, too, are drugs and can carry with them significant risk and side effect despite their (erroneous) reputation as being more benign than pharmaceuticals. Be sure to let your doctor know if you're taking any supplements so s/he can adjust the plan and avoid interactions, etc.

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:14 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]

I am taking a very low dose of Effexor, and it has helped me tremendously. I tried for a year to get through this on my own, but finally acknowledged that I just couldn't dig myself out of this hole without some help. My side effects have been minimal. My doc says it is better to stay on the AD's for at least a year as there is clinical proof that if you go off of them sooner the chances of relapse are high. He also says that I will be weaned off by decreasing dosage over time. Good luck, and I hope you are able to achieve better living through modern chemistry!

I have taken several SSRIs. You may have to try a few to find a good fit.

Normally the only adverse side effect I saw was a decrease in libido and delay / extreme difficulty in reaching orgasm over time(one of the reasons to try different ones).

BUT: there are exceptions. On Serzone I *did* feel stoned, although the problem diminished over a few weeks - but it persisted enough that I asked to try a different one.

And I tried Wellbutrin because it is well-known for not affecting sexual expression but it was a very, very bad fit. It had me losing weight (for most Americans a happy thing) but much worse than that, I can clearly remember feeling completely rational, as though what I was feeling was reasonable and I should just suck it up and recognize this is The Truth - while sitting virtually unmoving in the wing chair, staring with a fixed gaze and simply crying my eyes out (and this was years ago, not affair-related). Crying for a very long time, with no cause, and "knowing" that what I was feeling was "real."

But those were the exception! So don't just listen to the bad parts. I also received considerable relief for years by participating in research and being put on Prozac + Abilify. (Same sexual side effects, but it was necessary for a while?)

I am happy to report I have been managing very well for these last couple of "interesting" years without anti-depressants. Go figure.

P.S. I would not expect an anti-depressant to help with anxiety, but I'm not a doctor so discuss it at length with your.

ETA: withOUT

[This message edited by MissMouseMo at 1:14 AM, July 14th (Monday)]

While bupropion (Wellbutrin) works well for many, you can't really extrapolate that it will be a good for for you. Work with a psychiatrist to figure that out, and know that a bit of trial and error, both with meds and doses, is to be expected.