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RippedSoul ( member #40055) posted at 11:24 PM on Wednesday, July 16th, 2014
My SLAWH actually told his AP that he still loved me, so, naturally, those words now mean very little to me. He actually thought about loving me immediately before shucking his clothes and f'ing another woman? Honestly? So, although I've never physically done the eye roll in response to ILY, I've done it mentally. And since he also fed me the ILYBINILWY line, those 3 oh-so-important words feel like imposters. It was obvious, when it came to those declarations, that we speak a different language. Yet, paradoxically, I needed to know that he did love me. But I needed to know it TRULY! I needed to know it MY way, not his.
So I took a favorite line in our house, changed it a bit, and started a convo with him about it. "You keep using that word (those words). I do not think it means what you think it means." And I asked him to do exactly what people here are suggesting. Tell me why your "I love you" should mean something now. Tell me "I'm IN love with you." Tell me you love me because I'm a wonderful mom. Tell me you love me for loving you. Tell me you love my forgiving heart. Tell me you love me for giving you a second chance. Tell me you love me while giving me a back/foot rub, while stroking my hair, while helping me with the dishes, while holding hands in the grocery store with me. Tell me with your actions that you love me. Tell me in ways that everyone within a 10-yard radius will wonder what I've done to get such adoration.
There is no place for mere garden variety ILY for any who've reconciled after infidelity. Whatever you need to do to infuse those three little words with new meaning, that's what you need to do.
[This message edited by RippedSoul at 5:26 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)]
BW: 55; SLAWH: 52; M: 28 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute 1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (WH confessed: P1, AP, escorts 1 & 2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 26; DD: 24; DS: 22; DS: 20
I've never NOT edited my posts.
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 11:54 PM on Wednesday, July 16th, 2014
..
Tell me why your "I love you" should mean something now. Tell me "I'm IN love with you." Tell me you love me because I'm a wonderful mom. Tell me you love me for loving you. Tell me you love my forgiving heart. Tell me you love me for giving you a second chance. Tell me you love me while giving me a back/foot rub, while stroking my hair, while helping me with the dishes, while holding hands in the grocery store with me. Tell me with your actions that you love me. Tell me in ways that everyone within a 10-yard radius will wonder what I've done to get such adoration.
^^^^^^^THIS is a GEM !!!
..and this too..
There is no place for mere garden variety ILY for any who've reconciled after infidelity. Whatever you need to do to infuse those three little words with new meaning, that's what you need to do.
Well said RS.. 
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
steppingup ( member #42650) posted at 4:37 PM on Thursday, July 17th, 2014
I have a hard time with it because of how easily be threw those words around with AP.
As a BS, this is also too hard for me. It just like with sex, it doesn't seem special any longer just like if a special love note between to people becomes worthless after it has become the neighborhood billboard.
BrokenButTrying ( member #42111) posted at 4:54 PM on Thursday, July 17th, 2014
RS put it beautifully.
I have always said ILY a lot. I like saying it, I need to hear it often. H has never been big on it, only saying it in reply to me really.
Since his Dday he rarely says it. He stopped completely for about 4-5 months, started again recently but again, only in reply to me.
I've never stopped saying it. I have asked if he would like me to but he said 'say it if that's what you feel'. Difference is, I only say it now to back up my actions. I love him in everything I do. I don't know his LL so I do them all. I tell him why I love him, I tell him what I love about him, I tell him I love him because of something he does. It's more than words now and that's the difference.
[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 10:56 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]
Madhatters - We have R'd.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.
notsoOK ( new member #44014) posted at 11:02 PM on Friday, July 18th, 2014
Words mean nothing you told her you loved her before but didn't act like it(affairs). Showing her over a LONG period of time will win her heart. And remember it's the little things we do or say that really let's someone man or women that they are loved
918Mama ( member #37756) posted at 5:15 AM on Saturday, July 19th, 2014
ILY means very little to me now. It's sort of just a comfortable expression. How are you? How was your day? Good night, I love you.
He shows me he loves me and that's meaningful. But the words are flat.
You've gotten some great feedback here. Take it in and show her you love her.
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti
Shero ( member #44041) posted at 8:04 AM on Sunday, July 20th, 2014
Yes, yes what RS expressed so eloquently! You can do it!
GetEvenInAZ ( member #30891) posted at 8:58 AM on Sunday, July 20th, 2014
BS here, and apologies if this is confusing (confuses hell out of me!)
My xSO is very unremorseful in that really does seem to have no idea that 6 As in 12 years is not good. And yet I believe him when says still loves me.
The absolute only thing he has done right and which i believe him is say i love you because ...scorpion hunting/politics/issues with kids/etc. These i believe because they are seemingly spontaneous and involve tangibles.
Maybe something similar, stating what at that very moment promoted thise feelings, would help you and your BH believe you?
[This message edited by GetEvenInAZ at 2:59 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]
Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays
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