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My husband's A happened 25 yrs ago but I only found out about it 10 months ago...so, he's had all that time to work on the "why" etc..He has told me over and over that none of it was my fault, yet he says that back then he did try to justify it by telling himself that I was not giving him enough sex & other grievances. (I had been molested as a child & never told him, so yes we were having problems sexually, but still no reason to have an A! And he agrees with this) but, I've never asked him if he felt he had to forgive me for that or other grievances. Maybe I need to ask him...I just know that right now he is adamant that nothing is a justified reason for an A. But again..he has had 25 yrs to work this out & figure out it was HIM who was broken & not me! (Even though I had issues from my past that needed addressed...I was still faithful!) It still just seems so...idk...whatever. ..that a WS feels THEY need to forgive their BS for something!

but what I don't get, is does that WS understand that WE as BS could have/ & most of us probably would have liked to have done the same thing they did??? Go out & have an affair and hide our problems in someone else's arms?? In someone else's bed?? I'm sorry...no really I'm not...I don't buy their excuses!

I'm with you ONE THOUSAND PERCENT Trying2LoveAgain, when I found out about my WW's first affair the first thing out of her mouth was, "Well you could have been having an affair the whole time too, right, like that could have happened"?

NO NO NO - one million timex NO! I would never cheat NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP it you WS, we are not all cut from the same cloth, some of us would rather cut our own throats and die in a pool of our own blood before we join your club!

Do I sound angry to you?

No, when I was given the chance to cheat and let me tell you ,there have been more than I care to admit, I did this.. "good night..." and left. NO I did't twirl my hair and start making googley eyes at the other person...oh my you are soooo nice.. STUPID, stop it!! Horrible thinking!

[This message edited by steppingup at 6:31 PM, July 21st (Monday)]