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mamajen00 (original poster member #43810) posted at 6:19 AM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:22 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA
wk55hn ( member #44159) posted at 12:52 PM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
Completely agree. You shouldn't have to tolerate lies being told about you or your marriage. Forget the letter, though and do it by phone or in person, not by letter or email. Just my opinion. But your in-laws, who you still will have to deal with for the rest of your life due to the kids, yes, call them up and tell them you want them to know the truth. Keep it short and sweet and offer details or evidence IF they want it. Why should you have to live with a lie like that for the rest of your life?
cvs2kkids ( member #41298) posted at 1:12 PM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
My only warning is, you're still fairly close to D-day and we tend out out of anger. If there's even a remote chance of R, it'd usually best to keep the A within a tight knit group.
That said, if the A is a deal breaker, then you have the right to lt the facts be known. Certainly our WS ALWAYS try to re-write marital history.
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 1:31 PM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
I told the in-laws. They knew before I confronted my XWH. They even helped me do surveillance. I told them everything.
I emailed the OW's parents. They wrote back and said it takes 2 to tango, not to blame their daughter, and that my XWH was just as much to blame as the OW, so pretty much, OW's parents did not care. I was glad I told them though, as I think they were going to try to pull off the same old "we just started dating" bit, and I was not about to let them get away with that.
I also emailed the chief of police at XWH and OW's department that they work.
It might not have made much of a difference, but I wanted the truth out there, and I know that XWH was starting with his "the marriage was really bad for a long time" bullshit, even though we had just adopted a newborn baby.
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
mamajen00 (original poster member #43810) posted at 6:22 PM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:22 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
BS- me 37
WH- him 38
1 son - almost 5
Married 8 years
Together 13 years
DDay 4/19/14
9 months of intense EA
2 days of PA
Lark ( member #43773) posted at 6:44 PM on Monday, July 21st, 2014
If you do go ahead with the letter - keep ti short and to the point. it is very likely that they will rugsweep, downplay, deny, or just shift the blame to you. So don't invest too much emotional or mental energy into them. Instead, I would personally go for a more formal factual-statement and more formally worded about feelings. "We were not separated, he did not divorce me, he did not seek counseling to fix issues. He chose to have an affair and she, despite knowing he was married with a family, chose this as well. I know that as parents you will likely support your child no matter what, but I would like for you to know about the situation."
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore
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