Imalive I am deeply worried about you. Now you haven't disclosed the contents of your 4 hour conversation with your wife so maybe, maybe, I am way off. However-
- Did she ever look up ea's?
- Did she admit to having one?
- Did she own her behaviour or did she blame it on the breakdown of communication?
- What happens with her boss now? Will anything change?
So these are the red flags for me.
1. Originally you told us that her reaction to your concern over her relationship with her boss and your consequences for that relationship being separation, was disbelief that you would end your marriage over that. Well I say, who would even consider keeping a friendship over the welfare of their marriage?
2. She asked if you could start over, without even admitting anything. No one asks to start over on a 22 year marriage unless they know they have f'ed up majorly and are feeling a lot of guilt and hope it will all go away if only you could 'start over'!
3. You have this talk and you believe everything she says, and yes you are absolutely the only one that matters. But you are also the most likely person to be blindsided... How many people have you seen on here who swear they never knew anything that their ws told them over and over and they believed them, I include myself in this. In fact if my WH hadn't come to me and admitted everything (supposedly) 2 days later, I'd be blissfully ignorant that he had another affair 5 years before which started back up during his second. Unless you have proof, I mean physical proof and behaviour that matches words, then I'm sorry, your gut is usually right, and as betrayeds who are still deeply in love, we only really see what we want to and any explanation that fits MOST of what we saw, we tend to accept because the truth is scary.
4. Your wife and you seem to be happy and connecting now, which is lovely I am sure. But remember that affairs are not about sex most of the time, they are about stroking the ego, attention etc. Right now YOU are providing the ego kibble, the positive reinforcement etc. But what happens when you guys go through a rough patch again, which is likely to happen? Unless the her need for attention, affirmation etc is addressed and he understanding that getting it from someone outside the marriage is not healthy, THEN SHE WILL FALL INTO THIS TRAP AGAIN. And even if she was only on the "slippery slope" and nothing had happened yet, it could next time. This is something that needs to be addressed, and giving attention and finding one another again, whilst positive and necessary, is not going to do that. I'm sure I seem all doom and gloom etc but I have personal experience in this and I have been obsessive enough on this site for the past 6 months to see there are real warning signs here. They don't mean the end of your marriage, just make sure you fortify it, not pretend that this is an area not worth exploring because her explanation made sense and you guys started to communicate again.