SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

More I think about it, change grades or quit

Something is fishy. She's probably going to make it a stressful yr for u and ur career could be at jeopardy

It's ONE year. Change grade levels.

Don't do this to urself

Oh hell no. She is doing this on purpose.

Sounds to me like she is tryint to set you up for failure.

I am shocked at the way that your administration kind of blew you off at first, saying there was nothing that they could do. I am glad that they redeemed themselves somewhat.

I completely agree with the poster that said you don't want her showing up at your door, grinning at you, and picking up her daughter.

I hope administration hammers her to the point that she backs out. They can't possibly need her tuition that bad that they would allow themselves to be unwilling participants in her little messed up game.

MyBrknHrt

I sent you a private message!

I lived your situation. The OW requested her child be in my classroom when she was having an affair with my husband. I found out the last three weeks of school. It was so hard! I loved her child but seeing him was a constant reminder. Hearing his stories from home and having her accuse me of taking it out on him was too much. Think it through, that is a huge trigger. I felt uncomfortable in my classroom. It changed how I felt about my job which I love. Something else she took from me! She invaded my home life and my work life.

Do I have any legal rights in this situation? I keep wondering if I should see a lawyer about this. I too felt like it was harassment but OW has never contacted me or tried to interfere in our lives these past three years. She has gotten married and facebook shows her to be happy and "totally in love with her man".

I am so angry at your administration. Can they not see what the OW is doing? Did she just enroll the child this year or something? You teach at a private school, but would you have any kind of a union that can help you with negotiations with the admin in getting that poor child out of your classroom? I know in this economy its hard to look for work elsewhere, but seriously, I would want to leave the school because the admin is spineless. The whole scenario is a lawsuit waiting to happen if that child goes in your class. Document everything, and never communicate with that OW unless your principal is present. Have the principal hold a meeting with the OW. Maybe when admin talk with the OW, her personality will start showing and then they will realize that she is a problem parent. I am so upset for you. This is terribly shortsighted of the admin. Do they really think that the child will be enrolled in your class and everything will just run smoothly after that? The OW will be a pain for the whole year! Her poor kid! What a sick piece of work. Again, I am so sorry.

ETA: Please see a lawyer! And don't look at FakeBook. The OW is just using it to lie and pretend her life is great. If I were you, I would contact her new hubby to let him know that you will be the teacher for his step child and what your connection to the OW is. It's fishy that she's pulling a stunt like this if she's happily married.

[This message edited by What2Do76 at 7:16 AM, August 3rd (Sunday)]

My heart breaks for you... What an incredibly stressful situation.

I have had my kids in a small private Catholic school for 16 years now... I know what it's like. The parents are very involved and get pretty chummy with each other. I, too, find it very odd and suspect that she would choose to enroll her child in your class.

Besides dealing with OW on any behavior issues, you also run the risk of OW bad-mouthing you and trying to "stir the pot" with other parents.

I think this is an unbelievable amount of added stress -- needing to deal with this every day and constantly watching your back. I have very good friends who are teachers at private schools and I know how it can be. I think you need to protect yourself, your sanity, and your reputation. No matter how well you treat the OC and the other students, you are opening yourself up for all sorts of trouble.

I know it's not my decision to make, and I think you are wonderfully generous-hearted to think you could treat this child normally, but I would strongly urge you to switch grades for one year.

If the OW is looking to get under your skin, you can show her that you can avoid her attempts. Maybe she will give up and go away. I cannot fathom why she is choosing to do this. It sounds pretty evil to me. And if you're dealing with a wacko, you just don't know what she is capable of.

I'm nervous on your behalf. I hope you can come up with the right solution for yourself.

I am new here but I have to say , I love this site!

I should have joined years ago. I feel supported and accepted and understood. Other than my boss, I hadn't told anyone about the affair. Not my family, not my closest friends. I didn't realize just how alone I was feeling until I joined here. Thank you for this amazing gift.

My principal is meeting with the OW on Monday. I'm feeling strong right now, thanks to all of you. I'm going to call a friend and get a pedicure before the feeling passes!

You know the administration wants NO drama...

Trust me its hard enough with making the big decisions...dealing with drama is always a head shaker...

the Catholic schools have the archdiocese behind them and they have legal teams....

You will be OK!!! In my opinion SHE is the one that should be minding her P's and Q's ...she will KNOW she will be watched very carefully....

Enjoy that pedicure!

What2Do76,

Please follow the forum guidelines. There is no OW namecalling in the Reconciliation Forum.

Thank you.

As a teacher, I would not do this under any circumstance. I don't care what the administration offers as a compromise, I would not do it. What are they going to do if she breaks the rules when "you can't punish the child for what the adults do"? I've seen parents make life miserable for teacher without affair drama. What if her child is a behavior problem or has issues that will get blown off because she'll claim you are the problem because of your history.

Even without that, I would not want that daily reminder. I would change grades and consider it an opportunity for something new.

Make sure you update us as to how the meeting with the principal and the OW goes.

I REALLY hope they make everything go in your favor. I would agree with the poster who said that small catholic schools tend to have very involved parents who become chummy. The parents are very involved with their students, the school, fundraisers, etc. That's how my daughter's school is. Everyone knows everything. You don't want OW hanging around and you especially don't want to have OW's child in your class.

Teacher here.. As well as a former Catholic school parent.

First, there is NO way I would teach the OW's child. That is setting yourself up for an enormously stressful year. Why would you want to tackle that? I totally understand being a bigger person, not punishing the child for the sins of the parent, blah blah blah..

But this is your job. You will spend more time with the OW child than your own kids this year. Do you really want the reminder of what your WS did every single day?

I would switch grades if the admin allows this OW to stay enrolled. It's NOT worth it...

Good luck with your meeting...

From my own experience with the private school hierarchy, I'd suggest giving the principal a view of the potential risk to the school, especially if this parent decides to stir the pot with other parents. I'm guessing the principal may not be thinking of the "big picture" of the ramifications here. He/she may just believe this is a "personal" issue for you. I don't believe that to be true. If the principal understands the potential issues, perhaps he/she will be more open to the idea of denying this student's application for the school.

I think that would be the ideal situation.

Please let us know how it goes. You shouldn't have to deal with this crap!!!!!

With a full time aide... Use her to communicate with the other woman on how her child is progressing in your class where you don't have to deal with her.

The aide can just say that you have a full plate and if problems and concerns are needed to be address to communicate to her and if she wants to write it to send her an email and she can be the messenger between you and her. Your aide should be your best friend through this year to help you and you're just going to need more help with this student.

Yes I know that it's not the child's fault and being the professional you are. You'll be more than willing to educate this child for the year and get that obstacle out of the way.

Ok so my principal met with the ow today. Bottom line is the child is in my class but ow is not allowed anywhere near me or my classroom nor is she allowed to go on any field trips. Drop off and pick up are on other side of campus, and conferences are to be with dad. If she fails to follow these stipulations she will be asked to leave.

I tried to respond yesterday but my iPad flipped out and deleted my nearly-finished response, and it was a long one. I'm gonna try again, and it's long, but I think it may help since I was a situation that wasn't exactly the same, but the solution may translate.

I'm a special education teacher. One of my students last year was a lovely girl with a very demanding mother who was very much a bully. My colleagues told me she's been this way with every other teacher that has had her child.

Basically, everything it did wasn't right to her. The work I gave her kid was way too challenging, and then it was way too easy. I was sending home too much stuff, then it wasn't sending enough. She complained to anyone who would listen that her daughter was regressing in my class, her performance was worse since I'd been there (lies. We tested her several times with several tests, she was actually improving).

She would tell the principals that her daughter came home crying over how mean I was, how mean other students were, and how I let it happen. She said I would punish her daughter for no reason. Again, all lies. When interviewed by the guidance councellors, principals, other teachers, etc, the student never once said anything that her mother was claiming, she actually love my class.

She wrote aggressive emails and notes to me demanding explanations for everything, cutting down my teaching ability, basically being a bully. She sent these emails and notes to other parents as we'll.

I know this is long, bear with me, I totally have a point, I promise.

My bosses and several other parents had witnessed this behavior with other teachers, and assured me she did this before, and I was not the problem. So, here was how I got her to finally lay off:

I killed her with kindness. I was always nice, smiling pleasantly and speaking calmly when I saw her in person. In notes and emails ( of which I made copies and cc'd to my bosses, as teachers we must always cover our asses) I was sickeningly sweet and saccharine. I was always chirpy and cheerful with her, when she would have a brutally worded complaint, my response was "thanks for the info! I'm glad you told me. I appreciate it when parents communicate their concerns, it helps me improve my class and my ability to teach your child!"

Of course, once I was with my TAs or with friends, I vented like crazy, I just never let her see me mad.

This sounds like absolute bullshit. But it works. It pissed her off to no end that she could not get a rise or negative response from me!

I think OW may be trying to do the same thing: bully you and get a rise out of you. Show her it won't work, and she'll get bored and stop. Also, let your boss know just in case she tries to tell them something. Mine understood and it never affected my job, they knew she was lying and just trying to start stuff.

A positive: it will make her SO mad when her silly little scheme won't work :)

Hubby and I went out for ice cream after dinner tonight and as we talked about changing grades, I came across a few truths.

Truth #1

I've been married 22 years. I've been teaching 22 years. She tried to take my husband away. I'll be d------ if I'm going to let her take my job from me too!

Truth #2

So if she thought she could break me, she can't. She wasn't successful then, and she won't be successful now. I am stronger, smarter, and more lovely than she inside and out.

Truth #3

I have terrific friends, a loving family, and a husband who has realized what fool he was and is working to be the husband I want and deserve.

I don't know if I kill her with kindness, but perhaps indifference is enough.

Thank you for checking in and updating - MBH

Firstly I am glad your Principal has supported your boundaries and seems prepared to act on them. Did you get this in writing as well? If you havent' already forward her an email just detailing the agreement to confirm your understanding. Her reply can be supporting documentation just in case for the future.

secondly I am very pleased to see your last post!

You are right ... indifference is the key - if she is doing this to have an impact / attention then starve her of it.

Professionally continue to protect yourself and document, document, document.

Her choice to send her daughter to your school is crazy - unless for some reason it is the only option she had available (ie daughter being terribly bullied and your school / class is only other available within reasonable driving distance).

but I know you know that.

Indifference is the goal for sure!

The principal set some big boundaries and she has your back....

if the OW is a hands on mom this might be hard for her...lets see if she lasts...

Do your job and do it well!!!

keep us posted! 2014-2015 school year will be interesting to say the least!!