SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thankyou again to those who have replied. It is sad that so many of us feel like this.

Jlyn1128, Yes, she really is gorgeous with a to die for body unfortuneately! I think where you mentioned about the ego kibbles.... My husband said he enjoyed the attention so I think it plays a big part how they feed each others egos. Another thing I noticed is that quite a lot of BWives are betrayed by husbands in their early to mid forties??? Since I put up this post, he has gone to meet her twice but she didn't turn up even though he knew that would be it for me but it didn't stop him. I have another post that explains it more but now I feel numb. My self esteem is still very low but I have switched off and pretty well just plodding along and taking each day as it comes. I have told him I feel different and that I feel as though it is only a matter of time before they do meet and have sex to which he was horrified what I thought. Anyway, let's hope all of our self esteem issues gradually return to the positive rather than the negative. It seems to be a very slow process so far.... hugs...

Hi,

I am so sorry that you are in this situation, and that your husband doesn't realize that you are at breaking point, ready to jack in your marriage.

I want to say that even though the "lady" might have a gorgeous body, she has no shame of meeting men for sex. So, hum, I would not call her gorgeous. Something totally different.

For the self-esteem issue, yeah, it's hard. I personally took it very bad, this infidelity crisis. He liked talking to her, spending time with her, felt connected to her, yada yada. It made me question myself: am I that boring that even my husband would turn to somebody else to talk to? Am I that shallow of a person that he would need a connection with somebody else? My husband was everything to me, the good guy, the one who could do no wrong. So yeah. Was he entitled to have an affair?

Well, one day the bulb went off in my head. I was the one who got us out of financial troubles. I was the one who learned to cook properly. I was the one reading serious books. I was the one organizing playdates and weekends activities. I was the one homeschooling. And HE WAS THE JERK FOR NOT APPRECIATING ALL THIS. Seriously, the cheek. To my standards I was doing a great job at everything that I was taking under my wings. Why would it matter if it was not up to HIS standard? Because he sure didn't do anything himself, apart from critizising or kindly giving me his seal of approval. Which is easy. Talk is easy. Doing the work is not. And on a positive note, he's the one who has a boat-load of FOO issues, conflict avoidance, people pleaser, passive aggressive issues. Mr Perfect Guy no more. Ha!

IMHO, if you don't put up with your husband's shit anymore, you will feel in control and feel better about yourself. I tell you this only because my husband had the bright idea of taking his A underground for a week. I flipped, and chucked him out. Sure, he could have left me and the kids and not come back. It was a gamble. But the alternative would have been him carrying on his A, me not being able to do anything about it, and me falling to pieces bit by bit. So yeah, non. After, each time he would lie he would end up spending the night at the hotel. This summer I made him move out to a rented room because I wanted space. No, he didn't stop lying, but at least he knows the deal now. Which made me feel much better.

As long as your husband doesn't get real consequences for his actions, he will carry on his game. Hence him driving to meet the "lady" even though he knows it's destroying you. And apparently doesn't give a squeak about it.

Big hugs.

EmbracetheChange, You are right, I don't think my WH realises how close I am to ending us. I'm sure he has noticed the difference in me since all this meeting up with the internet woman has gone on. The deleted emails etc... But in saying that, we were talking last night and I don't know how but he ended up saying she was "top shelf" material!!! Not exactly something a wife wants to hear... especially one that is feeling like her self esteem is on the ground as it is. He apologised but it's been said. Nothing can change that. I would love to tell him I needed space, but at the same time I don't want him to go nor do I want him to do goodness knows what during his freedom. So very hard all of this and inside I feel so disappointed that he has ruined 27years of me thinking he thought everything of me as I did of him. Hugs back at you

Hi Sarahstar, hope you are having better days.

I am a recent addition to SI, but over 2 years removed from my DDay.

Like everyone, my feeling of worth was destroyed for a long time. I felt I was nothing, not deserving love at all. (I mean, it had to be that - how else do you explain the love of my life, mother of our 4 boys, wife of 17 years cheating as she did? )

It is so rough, I was actually angry reading what you have been through. Because I know it's not you, or me - it's not that we are 'less' or missing something. The affair is about the ego of the people doing it. Period.

What really angers me though is the praise insensitive, unthinking cheating spouses heap upon the AP to US! With me it wasn't looks - he was the most charismatic man she had EVER met.... (WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!?)

I did regain my self esteem. Oddly enough it was when I was at peace with being alone, and all of a sudden I find members of the opposite sex are interested in me... (Confidence is a tricky animal) And wouldn't you know it, we are together, a family again, doing very well considering... And I know I am NEVER letting anyone dictate my worth to me again.