They don't cheat because we are not good enough, they cheat because they are not good enough.
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Because those WW who were forgiven and not divorced, in the end, really lost nothing. They got to have their fun, got to have their romance, got to have their hot passionate illicit affair, got forgiven, got to keep their families, got to keep their sucker husbands, and got to keep their comfy lifestyles.
My wife lost nothing.... She is enjoying the same financial support and perks as she always has as my wife.
Me? I got unbearable pain, loss of self esteem, emasculation, nightmares, insomnia, higher blood pressure, debt, uncertainty, wildly fluctuating moods, doubt, distrust.... shall I go on?
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we BS felt safe in our M, we had no guards up. We trusted them 100%. We were comfortable with life - then BOOM! a grenade exploded and destroyed everything we believed in. And now we will always be living on edge; never believing we will reach that comfort level again.
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1. Anyone can become a betrayed spouse.
2. The affair is not your fault.
3. There isn’t anything you could have done.
4. You will never truly understand your WS’s choices.
5. You can’t fix your WS.
6. You have no control over the relationship.
7. Eventually, you will have to make a choice.
8. If you stay, accept that there is significant risk.
9. If you choose to leave, prepare yourself.
10. Not making a choice is still a choice
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I will always know that I am replaceable to her. She wrote to a friend during the affair that if she lived closer to her AP, she would rethink our marriage and possibly end it. That still hurts terribly. But I've accepted it, mostly. I have had to work on how I think about our marriage as a result, to live with that. To me she is not replaceable. If she betrays me again I may decide I have to live without her, but it is unimaginable to me that I could replace her with someone else. Completely unfathomable on an emotional level.
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What does a man do? A man provides for his family. They will always be his priority, his responsibility. And a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated or respected or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man.