SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I needed to know the details or else I'd go crazy creating my own movies in my head

This was true in my case as well, in fact my WS made up her sex stories, being unwilling to tell the truth. Although they were realistic in general and painful to listen to, they didn't ring true, so I thought I was being lied to and had a sorts of mind movies about what the truth was. When I was finally told the truth, the speculative mind movies stopped....then the mind movies about what really happened started.

Both sucked. The truth was less difficult to understand.

Growing, this has been a struggle for me, my WW did all kinds of sexual acts in the A that she had never done with me. I had tried for years to get her to open up with me and be more sexual. Express her fantasies, tell me what I could do to get her to improve our sex life. And she was unable to do that with me. But she definitely did it in the A, she bought sex toys, they sexted extensively, sex acts we hadn't tried at all. Things I didn't even think she would consider so never asked.. All of these things I would have loved to explore with her. Very hurtful to me and my ego, and although I realize this isn't about me. Still very hard to recover from.

trying to R

For me, it want necessarily the acts themselves. Rather it was the vigor and zealots in which she sought out and performed those acts. KWIM? With me, it seemed as though she was just doing another chore, her wifely duty. With him, the passion to be as a couple really hurts very deeply. That compiled with the heaped on kudos long after the act.

For me, it want necessarily the acts themselves. Rather it was the vigor and zealots in which she sought out and performed those acts. KWIM? With me, it seemed as though she was just doing another chore, her wifely duty. With him, the passion to be as a couple really hurts very deeply. That compiled with the heaped on kudos long after the act.

Identical story here. There were very few "new" things they did (though things were heading that way) but the desire was undeniably something different. It took a great deal of pain and effort to get to the point of understanding that it wasn't real. But it still hurts like hell.

There is hope. With a WW that is acting truly remorseful, I think a better M can come from this - including a much more intense sex life.

I wish they had!! I wish there had been some sort of wild, crazy monkey sex. Something different to help me justify the why in my mind.

But no. Bad, infrequent sex. No where close to what we experience together. Assisted masturbation.

Sad really...to think so much was thrown away for bad sex.

But then (for him) it was never really about the sex anyway. He wanted to feel loved. And you know how it goes...men get love through sex, women give sex to feel loved.

***huge disclaimer. I know that's an over generalization but I feel there's enough statistical relevancy to use the example to make a point.

One of the things that my XWW did while wading in the A cesspool was always affirm to the OM that the sex was the greatest, most wonderful sex EVER.

I saw this in letters and messages I found.

She would consistently and immediately affirm this to him to ensure that his bullshit compliment/flattery flow was on maximum.

It was an arrangement of trade.

She traded sex and blowjobs for flattery she wanted to hear.

I'm sure she did any and all that the OM wanted and probably what she could surprise him with to ensure the endorphin-rush creating flattery would keep coming.

She ended it with the OM and wanted to reconcile after I filed for divorce.

I'm a VERY sexual guy but I would have rather eaten my own vomit off the street than have sex with this disgusting pile of backstabbing, toxic shit. Never so much as touched this woman after D-day.

She didn't realize that she was trading more than just sex and blowjobs for the OM for his bullshit compliments.

She also traded away half the time with her young children of seeing them grow up during the most formative years of their lives - collectively around 13 years worth. Not to mention her integrity, dignity, honor, marriage, family, etc.

And the OM? He was fucking some other broken mess in no time.

Way to go...

I avoided details beyond what I found in graphic texts. And there are sex acts from the affair that I wouldn't have been interested in -- if you're having sex in a car past the age of 23 you need to reassess your life path 'cause you screwed up somewhere.

But besides the ridiculous stuff I get the feeling that WH was much more willing to be adventurous with OW. Was he afraid to be open with me? To let loose in a way that he could with the disposable OW?

I guess I was in the "wife zone" or something. It can't be a madonna/whore complex, since I don't have any kids!

TMI alert: WH was also rougher with OW. When it spilled over into bed with me, that should have been my tipoff that WH was having sex with someone else. I swear, OW's nipples must be calloused or something to put up with the yanking....

I saw enough sexual details from both of them in their email exchanges to know that I didn't want to know any more. I have always loved sex with my H and have been very open to nearly any/every sex act. I don't want to be jaded from new experiences b/c of his A.