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Newest Member: Sunflower96

Reconciliation :
Poll for The BS

This Topic is Archived
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BetrayedNewlywed ( new member #44543) posted at 11:50 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2014

How long ago was DD?

4.5 weeks

How happy are you?

1 to 3. Strange mix of hope, happiness, fear, anger, sadness and defeat at any given time..

How secure do you feel?

2. Just like someone else said: i think my WH does feel bad, but he really doesn't "get it" yet. He's not completely supportive of my healing process, and quite frankly, it's still being tweaked each day.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2014
id 6913392
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LumpyLola ( member #44330) posted at 1:01 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

About a month ago, DD.

Happy - 1

Secure - 1

My story is a little different, though. I didn't even get a chance to vent, ask, or speak to my WH, so I don't even know where I stand. "Shell shocked" is the most accurate way to describe what I'm feeling.

I'm glad to see that many of you scored higher on the numbers than I did.

posts: 189   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 6913469
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12yearsloyal ( member #43064) posted at 4:01 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

D Day 5 months ago

Happiness: 3

Security: 2 (both technically unemployed)

Him: WS, 51 EA/PA 2.5 years
D Day 3/10/14 N/C broke (phone/email) 6/14-10/14
Me: BS 52
OW: Banana Republic whore
Status: Fence sitting or D Praying for answers
Betrayal: so painful it should be a crime - 12 months in prison.

posts: 285   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2014   ·   location: State of Distrust
id 6913648
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Time Ticks On ( member #33772) posted at 5:22 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

D day three years ago.

happy-8.5

secure-9

FBW- 50
FWH-51
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 25 years- together 27

What doesn't kill me, scars me.

posts: 2001   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2011   ·   location: Down South
id 6913707
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HurtinginSoCal ( member #41492) posted at 10:13 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

How long ago was DD?

9 months

How happy are you?

This actually varies day to day. Obviously not as happy as I'd like to be. I find myself more concerned about how happy fWH is.... Fear that any unhappiness on his part will lead him down that same road. On average, I would say 4-5.

How secure do you feel?

Sadly, I've never felt so insecure in my life. The person I pledged my everything to, the one I trusted with my heart more than anyone else, betrayed me. I don't know how or if that trust will come back. I do love him. Sometimes I feel like if we say and do it, it'll come true. Other days I do feel those things we shared early on in our relationship and marriage. We talked, early in R, about getting through this and renewing our vows. I've recently decided I can't say I'd want to renew our vows...I believed and trusted in our original vows and it didn't stop him from the EA that was only a matter of time from a PA. What would a vow renewal do? I don't think I could trust that only only wonder how long it would be until he broke those.


DDay - 11/13/13, eve of our oldest daughter's bday

posts: 113   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2013
id 6913806
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 Hatemyhusband (original poster member #41633) posted at 11:53 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

I completely hear you, Hurting.

Security for me, may never come back

Happiness? I can make myself happy but security, good luck

posts: 667   ·   registered: Dec. 12th, 2013
id 6913827
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lilylilith ( member #44240) posted at 12:50 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

How long ago was DD?

Less than 2mos

How happy are you?

4

How secure do you feel?

4

Me: BW
D-Day: 6/23/14

posts: 95   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2014
id 6913861
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Searchingforhope ( member #38437) posted at 5:26 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

How long ago for DD?

2 yrs. 4 months

How happy are you?

7-8 but sometimes I will spiral to about a 2. I usually bounce back from that though, much quicker than I did in the early stages. What helps me bounce back is usually talking to my H and reconnecting. We talk about the A, and he steps up and takes responsibilty and doesn't blameshift. Even though I've heard it all before, I still need to hear it on occassion to pull me out of the dark hole.

How secure do I feel?

I would say I'm at a 9 right now. I believe my H would never cross lines again. I believe he is truly sorry and remorseful.

Me: BW 51 at the time(didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54 at the time(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs at the time
DDAY 04/25/12
Working on R
PA Lasted 2 weeks. OW totally screwed up $@#%.


posts: 271   ·   registered: Feb. 12th, 2013
id 6914237
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38years ( member #43864) posted at 11:07 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2014

D day was 8 months ago.

Happiness: 5-7

Secure: 1...I seem to be waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Married over 40 yrs
Me: 63 yrs old, always faithful
WS: 66 yrs old, 2 ONS 1978, EA (he says) In 2013

DDays: 12/11/13, 12/18/13, 12/27/13 (he's big on TT)
Also discovered he cheated with 2 women while we were engaged, 40 years after the fact.

posts: 56   ·   registered: Jun. 25th, 2014   ·   location: SC
id 6914700
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marionwendy ( member #41303) posted at 1:19 AM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

How long ago was DD? 1 year ago on aug 23

How happy are you? 7

How secure do you feel? 5

BS-52
WS-53
Married-25
Together-25
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.

posts: 267   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2013   ·   location: canada
id 6914843
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heartslammedshut ( new member #38614) posted at 1:35 AM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

How long ago was DDay? 2 years ago in 4 days

How happy are you? 5. Before this nightmare I would have said 9 or 10

How secure do I feel? 5 Before this nightmare I wold have said 10 hands down. I simply don;t believe a thing that comes out of his mouth now.

posts: 30   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2013
id 6914866
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hopefullromantic ( member #16652) posted at 6:51 PM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

Dday nearly 8 years ago

Happiness a 6 or 7

Secure a 9

It's not really a fairy tale 'til the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Reconciled

posts: 2059   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2007
id 6915757
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 7:03 PM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

wow, people are a lot less happy then I thought they'd be... it's very sad. I mean, I get it but years out, it's sad.

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6915788
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99lawdog99 ( member #42615) posted at 7:18 PM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

DDay 9 months

Happy 5

Secure 2

Me 54
WW 45
Married 25 years, together 27 WW's first and only til A
In R
"Sometimes we have to be knocked down to our lowest point so that we can reach our highest Level"

posts: 729   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2014   ·   location: pa
id 6915807
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Merida ( member #42437) posted at 8:13 PM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

DDay 7mos almost

happy - depends on the day ... avg 4

secure? 1-2

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."


"The darkest night is dispelled by the humblest of flames."

posts: 1377   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Maryland
id 6915914
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HurtingandLost ( member #29322) posted at 8:17 PM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

How long ago was DD?

DD#1 7/2010 + A / OM#2 07/2014 - Present

How happy are you?

I'm not

How secure do you feel?

I don't, I'm divorcing

Fbh

posts: 1511   ·   registered: Aug. 16th, 2010   ·   location: WI
id 6915922
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Amazingyetlost ( member #43745) posted at 1:50 AM on Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

How long ago was DD?

12 weeks

How happy are you?

1 - misery pretty much constant unless I am working; unfortunately can't seem to focus on work

How secure do you feel?

2- I want to believe he means what he is saying, but I absolutely know he is so far from the authenticity zone that a walk to Jupiter would be shorter

ME: 63 BW
HIM: 62 EA & PA, ten months (madboomer)
Married: December 24th, 2013; he started the A in the months before wedding
D/Day: June 3rd 2014 (karma bus ran them over on OW birthday); NC June 4th 2014
Just sad all of the time

posts: 420   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Aotearoa
id 6916368
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