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Hey Myname,

Regarding the AD's, from what I've read, most of those aren't addictive. Please know that I am not a medical professional, I'm just speaking from personal experience. I reluctantly decided to go on an SSRI for awhile (Prozac), and it helped me immensely. I wouldn't call it a "feel good" drug, but it did inhibit some of the massive feelings of overwhelming pain and depression that I was feeling.

My psychiatrist also offered me a prescription for Xanax, or any other benzo of my choice for my anxiety. Now that I had to turn down, because from what I understand, those medications are addictive, and I have already dealt with enough struggles with addiction.

Maybe revisit your thoughts on AD's, and talk to your doc about them.

For me, I went on them for about a year and a half, and they helped give me an impression of how I should feel when I am not overtaken by my depression. Now that I'm off of them, I can cope better when the depression hits me, and give myself some self care.

As one who hasn't attempted suicide, but has been very, very close to the brink of it a few times, starting at the age of 19, I am glad I didn't do it. Mainly because I would have missed out on so much.

Hang in there, and feel free to hit me up via PM at any time if you ever need to talk.

Take care.

Losfer

In essence, I can't/don't want to do anything that I did before D-day

That makes sense so we'll need to find you something to do for fun SI peeps have fabulous hobbies so you could start brainstorming here. I say you give something indoor with an outdoorsy flavor a try. Rock climbing? Sky diving?

Oh yeah! I almost forgot working yourself to death is not option And no, I'm not asking you to work 40 hrs. I'm workaholic so that would hypocritical of me

I am VERY prone to addictions in general. I don't want to mess with "feel good drugs". I think it would be very risky for me.

Good that you recognize this. Very good. OTOH a good doctor will be able to titrate your dosage so you feel normal, human ... not like a bubble zombie - just food for thought.

And I wish I saw this sooner - But shark week was last week - did you know that ?? on Disc channel - they were playing reruns all day today - just saying SHARK WEEK !!!!!!!!!! No time to be depressed when you think your sofa just turned into a mega shark and is snacking on your ass ....

Hoping your day was ok - It's Monday tomorrow ... sigh

Hi Myname, I hope you made it through your day off OK. Were you able to fend off the self-harm thoughts?

I think you are not doing the math right on when you last saw your IC.

I think it's been more like a year, not a few months. You say "a few months ago" about every month.

I think you need to call and make an appointment. No excuses. You can do it.

I'm 36 and NEVER wanted to take AD. They've been trying to give them to me since I was 18. Not me, now way, ever.

Guess what, I needed them. My brain has a chemical imbalance where my AD fills what I don't have. Making me a happier person. I'm still the same person, just not as anxious, OCD, and depressed. WHY wouldn't I want that?????

That's just me.

Of course what do Dr's, DO's, psychiatrists know, right??

Look, I have an addiction, too. It's ebay. I'm not kidding. First it was Nordstrom, then the rack, now it's a thrift store!!!! It'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. That's my point. It's not like I'm sedated sitting on the couch. I take a 25 mg perscription. Most people take 250!!! You be in charge. You say yes or no or how much, to which one.

Good luck. I know it sucks.

I'm alone at my desk today and I've been crying all day... I just started my meds again because I got off without going to IC regularly. That's a no-no, too.

*Gasp A Boogerbear sighting.

No cable at my house so no shark week for me.

Thanks everyone for the responses. I worked today. It was a light day and I struggled through it but I got done what had to get done. Tomorrow is paperwork day.

I think you are not doing the math right on when you last saw your IC.

I think you need to call and make an appointment. No excuses. You can do it.

I actually looked it up and I last went in April. So it has been more than a few months but not according to "Myname math" I guess.

I know I should make an appointment but if I'm not ready to take the next steps required then what's the point?

I know I should make an appointment but if I'm not ready to take the next steps required then what's the point?

What is your plan, Myname? I ask that in a serious voice, not critical, but serious.

You know what the next step is.

You know what the benefits of taking that next step are.

You know what you're afraid of.

You know what life feels like without taking that step.

So what is your plan? When will you be ready? And what do you need to do to get there?

Aren't you tired of this? Aren't you ready to try something new?

ETA: You have drawn a line in the sand between yourself and healing. That line is self imposed. Frankly, I think you deserve better from yourself.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 9:15 AM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

Myname, I've never thought of ADs as either "feel good" drugs or addictive, at least the ones I've taken. I took Lexapro for about 6 weeks for situational depression due to my late H's first affair. I had a very high-stress job and simply couldn't afford to be zoning out at work or bursting into tears at inappropriate moments (like during a briefing for the Admiral). After the 6 weeks I tapered off with no side effects. And I currently take a nightly dose of 25 mg. of amitryptyline - not for depression, but for chronic pain management. It doesn't make me feel good or addicted; just helps me sleep better. Just sayin' - maybe you could explore using ADs more with an IC or a psychologist, because I do believe that they could significantly help you without causing you any problems of adddiction or abuse. There are just too many formulations available out there to NOT be able to find one suitable for you.