SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why do I see so many posts from betrayed women who are currently pregnant? You'd think that a man would love his wife more while carrying his child. Maybe, to him, she becomes a mom and not a girlfriend/wife at this point? Their husbands were cheating on them while they were pregnant. The woman is going through so much being pregnant, it seems like an extra cruel time to betray her.

It's this common? Is pregnancy a common time for men to stray?

[This message edited by steamingpile at 8:18 AM, September 7th (Sunday)]

According to my IC and from what I've seen here, cheating during pregnancy is very common. So is cheating while the betrayed spouse is ill. One of my good friends at work had a wife who cheated on him while he was treating for a very serious cancer issue.

It's all pretty sick to me. These are times when we are most vulnerable and looking to that one person in the world who promised to always care and keep us safe. I'll never understand.

I had the opposite problem....

OW pursued my WH the entire time she was preggo with her BS child. OW hopped a plane to get a quick glimpse of my WH teaching a training class. I guess she needed a fix.

She even went so far as to contact my WH when he was at his father's funeral out-of-state.

Her excuse for the contact was that she thought something was wrong with her unborn child, manipulating my WH into calling her out of concern.

After D-Day, we realized her story was fabricated to grab WH attention. Using her unborn child as a ploy. As soon as she gave birth, she pursued WH relentlessly. (She lived 3,000 miles away).

I have read many stories here where the WH cheats while wife is pregnant, but I have also seen a few where pregnant wife is cheating as well.

[This message edited by annb at 8:29 AM, September 7th (Sunday)]

Cheating period is reprehensible, let alone while your wife is pregnant. I don't know about other men, but for me neither my ex or stbx ever looked more beautiful to me than when they were carrying my daughters.

One of the few memories I'll take away from both marriages, along with the births of each child, that I will continue to cherish. Despite the screwed up wayward B!t&$ that they each turned into.....

I was pregnant with our second planned child. My ic thinks that FWH either was too selfish, and since I was so sick he reached out to ow for attention I couldn't give him. Her other thought is, that I was always very independent in our relationship and when I was needy it scared him because he didn't know how to play that role. So instead of dealing with his issues he went with a quick fix. No matter the reason, that component is making forgiveness even harder for me. The one and only time in 15 yrs I needed him and he shit on me.

Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time for both partners. My h was a serial cheater and had his first ea after dd1 was born and his first pa after dd2 was born. Yes, he sucked.

Nature sets up a woman during pregnancy and immediately after to take care of this new life, some men feel left out and some men feel neglected. My h liked being the center of attention, he didn't want to share. He is just now starting to learn that everything is not all about him. A truly strong man will accept this new dimension in his marriage and allow it to enhance his relationships. He will stand beside his partner, shoulder the work and love his new family more than his own desires.

Too bad there's not a pregnancy test that lets us know which kind of man we're married to.

Not only will they cheat on a pregnant wife, but they will bring your children around the ow and expose innocent kids to the affair. To use them as cover. In sickness and health… for richer for poorer...

[This message edited by TheEdge at 8:58 AM, September 7th (Sunday)]

Yup, it is true. It happened to me.

During pregnancy and a couple of years after birth is a common era for men cheating, because women are all hormonal and stressed and can't have a lot of sex, so WH find it fit to find it elsewhere.

When I see pregnant women or fresh mums I can't help it but feel sorry for them knowing that they have great chances of being cheated.

I also fear the idea of me being sick, because I guess my WH will cheat on me.

This is how screwed up infidelity leaves BWs and trust is irrepairable.

My H started his EA while we were going through IVF. It became PA when DS was 7 mos old. Can't wrap my head around it. If I had found out about the EA, we probably wouldn't have had DS.

[This message edited by AML04 at 9:15 AM, September 7th (Sunday)]

I also wonder if it has to do with not being able to be a taker, and being asked to give more. Maybe some men resent that. Probably the same mindset that would cause someone to cheat when their partner is grieving or depressed.

[This message edited by steamingpile at 10:06 AM, September 7th (Sunday)]

Have no idea if he was cheating on me when I was pregnant. Hmmm. I'm gonna go with "probably."

I can't seem to wrap my head around it because the wife is CARRYING HIS CHILD. His flesh and blood is in there. I don't get why some men don't connect more or why they feel left out or why they don't get super overprotective of their wife, knowing their son or daughter is in there.

Cheating is certainly a selfish time of someone's life..

All three pregnancies, he cheated on me. Every.single.time.

WH either was too selfish, and since I was so sick he reached out to ow for attention I couldn't give him

.

That's what I'm guessing about my WH. In any case, this is really low. Cheating on your pregnant wife. Like hitting someone who fell and needs your help getting up.

My wife cheated when I was depressed. It's not the same thing, but I bet it's a symptom of the same selfishness.

We just had a baby in February. I joined an online pregnancy forum as I was on bed rest for much of the pregnancy. I saw dozens and dozens of posts of woman due at the same time that could not understand why their husband was doing XYZ and being so mean. Of coarse they would have a list of all the typical red flags. If I suggested anything infidelity related man would everyone jump all over me. Sure enough many of the woman would report back that there husband asked for a divorce and they had no idea why. It was so sad. I just gently suggested they visit SI.

I find it horrifying and yet somehow predictable. If you are selfish, infantile and self-absorbed, pregancy is a time when you are going to feel seriously put out and left out.

steaming - same here. I have suffered from depression on and off since my DD was borh 15 years ago. The spring before his a, I stopped taking my ADs just to see if I could. Summer was OK, things started going downhill for me in Autumn, I was struggling and I guess hard to iive with. Affair officially started in January but I suspect the groundwork was started a few months earlier. Ironically abotu the time he was hearing the first ILY from OW and his little heart was all aflutter, I was standing in the freezing drizzle on a motorway bridge trying to decide whether to jump. I ddin't tell him because I didn't trust him to care - but at that point I began to take control with no support, back on ADs, started running again, went on a diet... and boy it was hard. By about March I was beginning to feel human again..... June 26th was dday and it was as if H had kicked the ladder away that I had painstakinly built from matchsticks. Took me a long time to forgive that particularly cruel betrayal.

My WH did it not only when I was pregnant and caring for a newborn, but initially started right after I miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks.

So his 'active' periods included: following a miscarriage, undergoing fertility treatments, following the birth of our first, and anticipating the birth of our second. DDay was when our second was 3 weeks old and I stumbled upon his secret email address.

This isn't quite what happened to me. WH got OW1 pregnant while we were trying to get pregnant. Three months into OW's pregnancy, I got pregnant.

I agree that pregnancy is an especially cruel time to torture a woman with an affair. My WH was a complete jerk during that time. Even without knowing about his A, I went to see a lawyer about divorcing him because he was so awful. It didn't get any better after our daughter was born. Of course, he had another daughter and OW to deal with. I'm not sure if he was any better to them than he was to me and our daughter, but he sure wasn't involved in our lives except to eat, sleep, shower, and change clothes. When I kicked him out, he had to have his lawyer call me to find out our daughter's name because he didn't have a clue. Father of the year he was NOT!

I read all the stories in JFO and General of soon to be or new mothers being cheated on and it is so hard to understand. I still remember the day I found out my xww was pregnant with our first child. It was probably one of the happiest days of my life, and certainly at the time THE happiest day of my life. I always thought she was beautiful, but nothing compared to how she looked when pregnant. I was always so proud to look at her like that.

I think it all comes down to the selfishness of a wayward. I suspect when there is some stress (pregnancy, medical, financial) in life they lack the skills to deal with life appropriately, so they take the easy way out (to them) and go chase after a fantasy. Because they are selfish to the core they don't give a shit who they hurt with their fantasy.

One thing I am sure of is that the gender of the cheater has no bearing on how callous they can be!

BSB

Mine was seeking out online casual encounters during the time we were actively trying for a baby. :/. I still don't understand it. I know RH says he didn't feel comfortable doing certain things with me because he saw me in a different way (more loving than just filth). I think he also felt pretty lonely as I worked nights, add that to pregnancy and my energy was very low so I was to drained for sex. Then I got ill. A whole bunch of things can cause it I guess. Still very inexcusable. It certainly ruined the experience for me for the second time.

When I was pregnant, my husband straight out told me that he does not find pregnant women attractive. He told me that I got too fat. So, I was fat and unattractive. He started EA with a bikini model at that time.