SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I consider myself a surviving BW in R. D-Day was 25 months ago. I don't consider the survival complete. R is a work in progress, and despite some hiccups, has been going very well. I think we'll make it.

My FWH was in an LTA for 9 years. To be honest, it might have been more like 10, since the year preceding the A he and OW had been meeting for lunch. Talk was allegedly work-related rather than personal, but the bond was forming. If you've read Not Just Friends, it was a classic slide down the slippery slope--two work colleagues who got along well and then crossed forbidden boundaries.

(I will add that we were also couples friends with OW and her H. Before the A and all during the A, we would visit each other's homes and do things together (sailing, concerts, restaurants).)

The day my H announced his resignation from his job and said that he would be taking a new job in a city 2.5 hours away, OW took him out for drinks. He actually called me to let me know, and I thought it was fine, and quite normal for a close colleague to take him out in that situation. What I did not know at the time was that after the drinks and conversation, they hugged in the parking lot and then kissed for the first time. A month later, on his way back from renting an apartment in the new city (I couldn't go--other obligations), he stopped at a motel, called OW, she came, and they had sex for the first time.

After we moved, they would meet every 2 months or so at an intermediate city for lunch and sex. They would also have sex at conferences--those came up about four times a year.

What really puzzles me is that, despite their obviously close bond, they would never spend the night together at those conferences. Usually, he would go to her room, they'd have sex, and he'd leave. Their lunch trysts were lunch-and-sex or talk-and-sex. Then get up, go home. It's kind of pathetic, really.

The e-mails from OW show that during the last three years of the A, she was pressing him for a more intimate relationship. She complained that he only talked about work-related topics. For the last two years of the A, they (at WH's instigation) decided to stop the sexual part of their relationship. They both were feeling some guilt by this time and decided to have a relationship that was "appropriate". It was not, however. They kept having secret e-mails, secret Skype sessions (when WH would go to the office on Saturdays "to catch u up on work"), and secret lunch dates. OW kept complaining in the e-mails (and phone calls) about the lack of sex.

I was certain, when I confronted him, that he would choose OW instead of staying in the marriage. But he threw her over so fast, and agreed to my terms for continuing the M, it made my head spin. He showed immediate remorse (and very deep remorse at that). He's been doing really well and has been a better husband than he has been in many years.

But to tell the truth, I am still not over the fact that half our marriage was a sham. I look at pictures taken during the A years and I just get very sad. All those lovely vacations--a British Isles cruise, Nassau, Mexico--and he was just itching to get back home to f**k her. (But we were having plenty of sex during those vacations!)

One way I am dealing with this is to look at FWH almost as if I'd just met him recently, as if he's a new person in my life. Because in a way, he is. I love this new person dearly. He's very much like that person I married 19 years ago.

What devastates FWH is that I ever seriously considered leaving him. (I mean, duh! He cheated! Of course I considered it!) We were talking about where to retire last night, and I mentioned having looked at housing prices near where my oldest daughter lives. I added that I had researched them two years ago, right before D-Day, "just in case I found myself alone." He looked as though I'd punched him in the stomach.

So, forgivingishard, it's a long, hard road. I don't know how I'm going to get over the lost years of our M. It helps to focus on the here and now, though. Which is not to advocate rugsweeping, or not feeling free to ask questions when they arise! Not at all! But once the details are out and R has begun, focusing on the present and looking towards the future are the most helpful things, in my opinion. But only if you have a very remorseful spouse who is now deeply committed to you and the M.

My marriage is not yet a survivor of my wayward's LTA.

There are still too many ways in which he simply does not get it.

My wayward has refused to agree to a trial separation, even though it was suggested by the MC.

I want it both for some alone time, and to discern whether my two young children will be okay without their daddy around full time.

They seem very upset when he is not around, and that is one reason I have agreed to reconciliation.

Discovering his affair was horrific but--- it made me realize I deserve more than I was getting.

I have worth. I have value. I am deserving of love and attention.

That is one good consequence of the affair for me.

I was also the saver and he was the spender.

He seemed to appreciate my saver mentality, but then he was spending way too much money on keeping his OW entertained....dinners out at expensive restaurants, trips, gifts, etc.

Also, in MC he used my cautious spending as an excuse for the affair.

But in reality, even though I was the saver he was and still is the one always complaining about not having enough money.

So, now, after the affair, and after learning how much he spent on the MOW, and lap dances, I buy whatever I want.

I am never cheap with myself anymore. I mean seriously, I was at home clipping coupons and my wayward was spending the money I saved on a MOW who had a clueless hardworking husband who treated her like a queen.

The OW's husband is no longer clueless an he no longer treats her like a queen, but that's another story.

For now, I expect to be treat as well as he treated the OW spending wise.

That means eating out more often, more vacations....all the things he did for the OW.

I also leave the door open to divorce, because quite honestly, my wayward still does not get it, and until he does, I am carefully planning my escape.

A HUGE THANK YOU to all who have replied so far. There are more posts than this that I want to comment on / acknowledge specifically. I will come back.

Sunvalley and Hopetosurvive98 - I thank both of you for offering to message with me. I appreciate it and may take you up on your offers at some point. Sunvalley I'm sorry that yesterday was hard for you. I hope things are feeling better for you today.

ShellShockedSid - Thank you for your insight into how you deal with memories of your family during the A. This is something that I am really struggling with. It's hard for me to remember exactly was happening in day to day life 4 years ago (3 years ago, 2 years ago...) but the highlights and the SPECIAL times that I do remember now feel tarnished. I have been feeling as though NOTHING that I believed about my life and my family is REAL. I am going to try to adjust my way of thinking toward your world view. You are so right - I am the one who was fully present during those good times. It really was WH who was missing out by being split between 2 worlds; he was never really with us 100% because of his actions. I hope I am interpreting what you were trying to convey correctly.

I have survived my WH having two LTA's. It has yet to be determined if my marriage will survive it though. Actually, whether or not my marriage survives is secondary to whether WH can be the husband I want.

WH's first LTA was a 3 year A with OW1. They have a daughter that is three months older than our daughter. They had an apartment together and he bought her a diamond engagement ring with money he stole from my savings account. Throughout his A, WH made endless promises to leave me. He never once attempted to leave. I even threw him out once during a heated argument during that time and he would not leave.

WH abandoned OW and OC when we moved back to Arkansas. He used the move as an opportunity to end his A without me finding out about it or OC. All he cared about was hiding what he did so that he didn't make himself look bad. He has not seen or spoke to OW1 or OC since then.

WH had another LTA. He had a three year LTA with my sister who is a year older than me. This A rocked me to my core. It was nothing but pure ego stroking on both of their parts. WH would tell my sister how much better of a woman she was than me (what she wanted to hear) and my sister would go on and on about how much better he was than her BH (what he wanted to hear).

They had plans to run off into the sunset together to the land of Unicorn Farts where they would live happily ever after, stroking each other's egos while her BH and I continued to pay all of their bills and pick up all of their freeloading slack.

As with all of my WH's A's, it was all about his ego. When my sister got arrested for dealing drugs, WH's "true love" for her evaporated under the shame and embarrassment of being associated with a drug dealer. WH ditched her hard and fast, refusing all of her collect calls from jail and refusing to steal more of my money to bail her out or help her hire a lawyer. Needless to say, WH stopped being so perfect in my sister's eyes also.

While WH had two LTA's during our marriage, it's more like he had a lifelong ego stroking LTA with himself. I and all of the OW were nothing but pawns in his ego fest. There is no more room in my life for his huge ego. I have absolutely no doubt that I will survive this. WH has an opportunity to reconcile, but I will not hesitate to walk at the slightest sign that his ego is coming along for the ride.

MissedRedFlags - Our children were similar ages at the time of my WH's A. I also quite working to be at home after the kids were born. I also don't know WHY IN THE WORLD I put up with the treatment I was receiving during the A. I remember literally feeling like I lost my best friend. One day he came home from work and when I started to tell him about my day... I had had a rough time with the kids. He told me to shut up. Said he didn't want to hear it. Told me HE was the one who worked all day and that I wasn't allowed to have a bad day because I was at home. Yep. He actually said that. I can remember that day well because I was astounded. He had never treated me like that before - it was so out of character. I let it slide, like so many other things and I made excuses for him - stress - and it slowly got worse and worse over the next 4 years. I never understood. I just didn't get it. I NEVER DREAMED he was having an A. He blamed me for everything that he thought was "wrong" with his life from then on. We went from best friends to him saying we had nothing in common, we weren't "soulmates," he criticized EVERYTHING I did. He picked at my appearance (which there was NEVER anything wrong with, by the way). I'm ashamed to say that I guess I believed the problems in our relationship really were my fault. I bought into all of that. And I felt horrible. Horrible about myself - especially about myself as a wife. I would try and try to please him... but nothing I ever did was enough. It got to the point that I regretted ever marrying him. I never had an A though. And I never gave up trying to "fix" our relationship and get my best friend back. I guess maybe I put up with it because I believed that if it really WAS MY FAULT then there was something I could do to make things right again. And I love my children more than life it's self. I didn't want our family to fall apart. (And then I found out the truth.) I will never be the one FIGHTING for my family again, by the way. We are still together and trying to reconcile because HE is fighting for ME. I've already fought. (And I guess I lost.)

[This message edited by forgivingishard at 12:25 PM, September 12th (Friday)]

My story is kind of complicated and would take a long time to tell in detail, but the short version is that my FWH had a 5 year LTA with a woman who was introduced to him as a potential client. It started out with her calling him for lunch--she had a business that was in an area that my FWH practices in and a friend suggested that they get to know each other as they migh be able to refer clients to each other. Over time, they talked more and more. She started telling him about her abusive H (Cheater's Manual, Chapter 1--and her BH was not, in fact, abusive). My FWH started telling her about his sick parents (mom dying of cancer), his business partners who didn't appreciate his talent and ungrateful wife (too busy with raising 2 young children to hang on his every word). She told him how shocking it was that these people, including his ungrateful wife, could not see how awesome and amazing he was. Things start to progress and eventually OW books a hotel room over lunch one day and invites him over. He goes. She finds him to be the most amazing and sexy man ever. He keeps coming back for more.

For a few months, all is well in sexy fantasy land. She thinks about his amazing self all the time and WANTS him. He WANTS her too. As the chemicals start to wear off and the guilt begins to take over, FWH realizes this might not have been the best idea and tries to break it off. OW goes into an emotional tizzy. Unwilling to deal with the fall out, FWH goes back--really, despite the guilt, it is just easier that way.

As time goes on, FWH realizes that OW might not be playing with a full deck. She talks about "famous" friends. The day she called and told him that a U.S. Senator was at her house vaccuuming the carpet, he knew he was in real trouble. He tries to break it off. She threatens suicide. She secretly makes a sex tape of the two of them together, then leaves it laying around for her BH to find. He divorces her and sues my FWH for criminal conversation. FWH settles with her BH for a large sum of money. I still know nothing.

Now, OW is quite happy because she is free and all FWH has to do is ditch his evil and unsupportive wife and they can live happily ever after. At this point, of course, FWH wants none of that, but has no clue how to get out clean. He knows that she will tell me everything if he tries to break up with her. He does whatever he can to appease her. She asks him to go to therapy with her and he does (how she found a therapist that would see them together is beyond me and a testament to the fact that not all therapists are good). He starts drinking heavily. He becomes suicidal. I see that he is coming unraveled, but have no idea why. He keeps telling me that it is problems at work.

Time passes and OW becomes more and more unhappy with the situation. Before the holidays, she gives FWH an ultimatum: She is tired of spending holidays alone, so he will split up with me prior to our next wedding anniversary, or else. At this point, FWH realizes that there is no easy way out, so he takes "or else". He splits with her for good about a month before our spring wedding anniversary. She goes ballistic. He knows that the suicide threats are nothing but threats, so he ignores them. She comes to his office unannounced and then stalks him in his parking garage. He tells her to leave him alone. Finally, the day before our wedding anniversary, she shows up at our house with a whole pile of evidence (and with our young children at home) and tells me (her version) of the story. Right before she arrives, she texts him: "You know you left me no choice." She takes one look at me and my reaction and realizes that our M might not have been the loveless one that FWH portrayed. She asks me if he is still sleeping with me. I ask her "What do you think?" She is livid at FWH for lying to her. HA! That's a good one!

All sorts of bad things ensue. I am crushed. FWH is relieved it is over, but also surprised at how crushed I am (I don't think the WS can ever really appreciate what the BS goes through--I don't think anybody can who hasn't been there themselves.) We immediatley set up MC. MC wisely tells us that we both need IC first. OW of course goes even crazier--e-mails insane things, calls from all sorts of numbers trying to get through to him. FWH gets threatening messages from her "famous" friends. After she gets no satisfaction that way, she makes a complaint to his employer, who at first stands by him, but then decides, after the onslaught of crazy against them, that it is too much trouble and fires him. She then tries to go after his professional license. Luckily, FWH has saved most of their e-mail correspondence over the years and is able to prove that she lied to the licensing board about what happened. Over one year and tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees later, he gets to keep his license and she, mercifully, goes away.

Sorry, I said I would keep it short. My point is, we weathered a lot of bad stuff. There are stories on here that are even worse than mine. It took years--and the first year or so was terrible. It didn't get substantially better until almost year 4. I had to go on AD's and the emotional ups and downs were almost too much to handle. But we fought through it, we worked hard and we have come to a really great place. Were there times I didn't think we would make it? Yes, there were. But almost 20 years and two children together made me want to do my best to say it was not fixable before I left the M. Was my FWH the perfect, remorseful WS? No, not at first, it took time. He had a lot of his own healing to do.

But, after all of this, we really have a good M. Do I wish there had been an easier way to get here? Yes, no doubt about it. But, I have changed a lot too and I feel like I have learned what a strong person I am. I know that I can be ok with or without my FWH. I am philosophical about it now. Everybody has difficult chapters in their lives and this was mine. I am proud of me and of us for how we handled it (Big picture, at least. There are some things that I did in the aftermath of Dday that I never thought myself capable of doing). R is definitely possible, if you both want it and are willing to work for it. You don't know what you can do until you are called on to do it. Just strap in for a long and bumpy ride.

steadychevy - Post away. It sounds to me like you are a survivor because you are... surviving.

cantbelieve - I wish it hadn't happened to you too. My WH stopped contact with OW cold turkey after 4 years also (except to tell her to leave him/us alone). I have asked him many times if he misses her - I mean, I at least thought maybe he missed her being a part of his routine... like a habit, or something - and he always says, "NO WAY!" I can't relate to that attitude either. But then, I can't relate to ANY of his behavior regarding OW and their relationship... so I figure who am I to judge? I hope he is telling the truth and I think at this point he is. After all, she's not the kind of person I would miss

needfriendshere - You are the first poster here who has mentioned a relationship with God helping to heal your M. I'm sure there are others who have mentioned this. But you are the first I have come across. That is comforting to me because we also had stepped away from God and the church before the A. In fact, although WH confessed to being a Christian I'm not sure he ever truly was until this happened.

Hi forgiving, My H had a 2+ yr PA with a colleague who lived out of province. It started as sex and ended with sex. My boys were 5 and 3 when the A started and I had just started working on a major fundraising initiative for our community. The A took place in Sept., when he went on conference (I will be at said conference next week at this time and she will be there. I went last year too – it was my way of talking back this event). The A also occurred when I was visiting my family (which is also her home and the location of head office) – my family who treated him like one of their own. That was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. His selfish behavior extended to my parents and sister. It is also hard for me to think about the times he went to conference or to golf with his buddies (but made a pit stop to see her) and I was at home with our busy boys, tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. He was in a hotel having sex, ordering room service and on his way to a grand weekend with the guys.

The worst is over. The first 3 months were terrifying in that I was enraged, hurt and felt very much alone. The next four months continued to be painful and confusing and I was angry. The person who said he would never follow the same route as his Dad, did. It boggled my mind. I looked at a lot of family pics but never took them off the wall. My children are in those pics. I wanted them up but I did put away some things that he gave me.

I discovered the A but by that time it was over (he ended it bc she wanted "more") which likely made my life easier – there was no indecision on his part, no deciding who he wanted. I felt from the get-go that, for the first time in a long time I was in the driver’s seat. I had the conch.

I went to IC. He went to IC. We went to MC. We have read approx 3 books each and I have been posting on SI since Feb 2013. Thank goodness for SI!

I do believe my faith has helped me along the way. God didn’t DO this to me. I blame Him for none it and am always surprised when people take that route. I also believe I do well bc I am resilient. For the most part this has always been the case. I think this is something I will really drive home with my kids – teaching resilience bc terrible things happens in life and you cannot curl up and die. You deal with it and you keep moving. Sometimes you get stuck or fall down but you always get back up.

I think regardless of whether you stay or go, at some point it would be wise to accept this has happened in order to keep moving forward. Even if the marriage ended, I believe I would not have rug swept, but worked things out in my head, ask questions of him and gotten IC.

Your name…Forgiveness is hard but please do not put that pressure on yourself at this point in time. I have wrestled with this many times over and I know I am capable of forgiveness. Funny, but the year I found out of the A, I had attended an Oprah conference in Toronto. Our topic? Forgiveness. I leaned to my friend and told her that I was pretty sure I could forgive anyone for anything short of someone harming my kids. Ha! Guess the universe called me on that!

I have definitely accepted that this happened though and that in and of itself has brought me peace. Feel free to pm anytime.

Oh sweetie-if you were here, I would throw my arms around your neck for a big hug. Your post is full of pain and I am so very sorry about what you are going thru.

But-- I have to stop you-- you are completely wrong about a couple things. Your memories are most definitely real and those special time are still special!!! If he feels differently, so what? Don't let his feelings color yours!

And I need to respond to the previous post who said that it like a "quiet desperation". I disagree. I am more at peace than I have ever been. This process taught me that I am tough as nails. After surviving infidelity, I can get thru anything.

Let me give you an analogy about his actions tarnishing your memories. There is a new restaurant near us that I absolutely love. They serve the most heavenly apple pie-- I think it is the yummiest thing in the world. I could dive in and eat a whole pie. H thinks that it isn't sweet enough and there isn't enough crust. In my opinion, he is wrong. Does that change my feelings about the about the warm gooey goodness in that pie? Hell no! His feelings don't bother me in the least. Those are his feelings, his perceptions of the very same experience.

I know that's a silly example, but I hope it makes sense. Do not let his experience ruin yours.

Take care. It really does get better.

Sid

ShellShockedSid

The biggest difference that I see in LTA is that there is so much history that you question. More photos where you will search his face for clues of what he was thinking.

Eventually, you realize that it is HiS memories that are tarnished. Not mine. If he was thinking of her while was with me on ak skii trip at Crested Butte, it doesn't take away one iota of fun I had on that trip...but I know his memories of those times are painful because he knows he snuck away to call her. Not. My. Problem.

It took me a long time to get to this point. I finally know that his affair was because if his deficiencies, not mine.

This is my first post. Been doing a lot of reading. Wanted to thank you for this statement as it has helped me to realize that my memories haven't changed of the good times with my children and my husband. I now realize that it is my fWH who actually has to live with the awful memories, not me! Thank you!

I used to think that the LTA colored my memories during that period. But, as I have worked to heal, I now realize that my experiences are my own. My H has to resolve how he interprets those concurrent experiences. It does hurt to know that during many years of our M, my H was not committed to us.

I, too, have had issues with my memories of that time being fake, ruined or tainted in some way. My WH tries to convince me otherwise saying they aren't ruined for him because they are still good memories of times that we spent together as a couple and/or as a family.

I see them as times we spent together that he probably wished he were with her. He says that is not the case, and he wasn't even thinking of her when we were together. Who will ever really know?

To the original poster (I hate shortening that to OP since it sounds like other partner to me!), my WH had a LTA for 2+ years. The last six months was a combination of both OW and I doing our own versions of the "pick me dance" while he swam in cake and frosting with sprinkles on top. I participated because there was no way in a very hot place that I wanted their "relationship" to advance to the point that she was ever around my baby daughters again or that my girls weren't with me 24/7. I also loved him like there's no tomorrow, so there's always that aspect of it too.

Anyway, we are firmly in R now - 10 months out from NC and each and every day my WH and my M gets better. Somedays are really, really good. Somedays aren't so great. BUT NO day is as bad as DDays 1 through 5 for me, so I guess there's that.

Hugs to you!

Approaching 5 years since Dday when I found out H had a five year LTA with a woman overseas where he worked….nice little life he had designed over there in fantasy land leaving me and the kids home convinced he wasn't hurting anyone because he wasn't cheating here. BUT he changed dramatically during the A…treated me terribly, ignored the kids and was so critical.

I am more at peace than I have ever been. This process taught me that I am tough as nails. After surviving infidelity, I can get thru anything.

This, for me, is my truth today. I thought I would die when Dday happened…it took well over a year to start piecing a life back together and now almost five years out, my life is good, sweet and I know I can make it…with or without H. It's freeing to feel that.

We have a good time together, a good life. H has done everything he is capable of to repair the damage he did and support me in my healing and my needs now, which, by the way, I am very happy to share with him…something I didn't do enough of before Dday.

R is hard and IMO, will always be something we are working towards ….don't plan to ever take for granted what we have. But if two people really want it and are willing to do the work, with the WS stepping up to own their shit, be totally transparent, not defensive and give 200%, it can work and though the marriage is changed, it can be good.

This is a lifetime we're talking about…a long time to be with one person and chances are pretty good, we all hurt each other …..for some people divorce is the answer and for some, reconciliation. Keep posting and PM people and look up the old threads …there's a lot of good help here at SI…..take good care of yourself.

((((HUGS)))) to you. I can totally feel your pain.

Mr. Happy had a 5+ years of an LTA with a subordinate at work. UGH. What a drag! Damn near killed me.

We have been married for 30 years together for 35.

We have Reconciled, yes I am a surviver. I still kinda have some anger and grief. DD was in 2011. We are 3+years past the bomb he lobed in our family's lives.

You are forever changed. Living what seems at times to be a lie ..."He is such a wonderful Guy!!! Your so lucky!" Yeah, uh...right.

I think the biggest thing was to get used to my 'new normal'. I had to get used to the idea that my husband ~HAD~ a girlfriend.

To this day I still flinch a bit.

But he loves me and I love him, and we have children and finances and hell of a whole life that is tied together.

Its like that sappy movie says "Love Steps in to See you Through..."

We Persevere.

[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 5:32 AM, September 13th (Saturday)]

Thank you for posting this thread. Reading the responses has helped me be hopeful. I'm feeling stuck right now but really want to get to the place where I can find peace with it.

(((FiH)))

I read this thread this morning and thought about it today. Went back to my journals and did a little reading. I am so glad to be who and where I am today. It is so, unbelievably, hard. That first year, or two or three for some, each day feels like a century. Every moment is effortful and sad and full of pain.

That ends. No matter what, people cannot carry on like that forever. I remember telling myself out loud many, many times, "I will not feel like this forever." That's important for you to know and to believe.

When I looked at my journal, I had some quotes from Janice Abrams Spring ('After the Affair') that were really helpful to me. They suck, but to know that what I was feeling was such a normal response to the trauma of an affair was essential to my survival. Here are a couple;

"Gone is your fundamental sense of order and justice in the world. Gone too, are your sense of control over your life, your self-respect, your very concept of who you are" p. 9

"Having lost confidence in your ability to interact with the world, you shrink back into yourself, into isolation." p. 12 (just to let you know that if you're feeling this way, it's perfectly normal. It helped to start me working against my instinct to 'shrink back'.)

"When you learn of your partner's affair, your belief in the order and justice of the world gets blown apart, and with it, your assumption that you are good, and that the world is fundamentally safe and meaningfully ordered ... you realize how little you can depend on being treated fairly by anyone, even the people you love. p. 23-24

From 'Separation' by Dan Franck;

"He (BS) has been living in terror; but it now gives way to smooth, dull shores of sadness. Terror is mobile, sadness stagnant."

Now, my life is my own. Those sensations were absolutely true for me for a long time. I lost myself. I consider my decision to live, to forgive, to be happy, a sort of re-birth (not in a religious way at all - not for me, but that's another story). I still mourn for the woman I was before when I think of her, but now I see it as a comparison for how strong, sure, calm, confident and content that I am now. I don't ever want to BE that woman again, I like myself now way WAY better.

I had to change my entire life. Not just my relationship with my H, but my relationship with people. I choose to take the risk of loving again, even with the understanding that I could get hurt at any time. I know what I can survive now. I believe in myself, and all I want is to be generous, good and kind. When I give without expectation, when I am kind without hope of acknowledgement or celebration... that's when I am happiest.

And if my M doesn't make it ... that's ok. I know I will do what's right, and that I have given everything I believe is reasonable to my relationship. (But I feel pretty good about this marriage and it's longevity :).

The other think that helps is giving yourself other things to think about and do once you feel up to it.

Hugs. You're doing great. You are not alone.

hopingforhappy - Thank you for sharing your story.

LA44 - I love what you posted about resilience. This is something I need to develop. It is something I would love to be able to teach my children.

ShellShockedSid - Thank you for your analogy. And for your kindness.

Getting to Happy - What you said about other people's perceptions of our marriages - looking from the outside in - is so true. At football practice last week one of the other Moms asked me how long WH and I have been together. She exclaimed that we are still so "in love." Hearing her say that killed me.