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I am representing myself in our divorce and I am in the middle of writing my divorce agreement. I want to include a dating clause stating neither of us will bring dates around our children unless it is a serious, or potentially serious relationship. In other words, my husband has already had our 2 small children around his summer fling, even before I was aware we were divorcing (he told the kids she was his "friend").

The kids are having a very hard time with the fact we are divorcing (they are 8 and 6). I don't think it's a good idea to have them around his flavor of the month. How would you word it so as to not sound like a bitter ex? Even though the rule will also apply to me he will most likely have a fit when he sees it so I want to make sure its written appropriately.

Thanks !

Welcome to SI, gloumama.

The general consensus is that these clauses, while very well-meaning and understandable, are non-enforceable. Doesn't mean you can't include it, but it will be toothless.

Yes, these clauses are unenforceable.

However if you want one because it helps you, it needs to be specific. "Serious relationship" is much too vague.

I know other people here have done this, and I cannot remember the wording. Hopefully, they will respond.

Perhaps something like dating for 12 months, or engaged.

Hi NIK, thanks for that information. I do understand that and I think it's horrible that it isn't something that would be enforced. I do however still want to put something in, just as a bargaining tool at this point. I figure I'll put things it it that won't really stand up but he's not intelligent enough to know that so he may be more likely to bargain with me for something I really want...

It's not a good idea.Why do you think he'd stick to it when he didn't stick to your M vows?

BUT...you could include it during negotiations, then drop it in exchange for something else you want.

The clauses I've heard of are no unmarried opposite sex friends overnight guests while the children are in residence. Or something like that. I think its called a morality clause? Maybe google would have a suggestion?

K

Mine has a morality clause. No overnight guests when children are present of opposit sex that's not family unless married. On both sides. I have no problem with that because I won't live with someone before marriage. He used to feel the same. I know he doesn't want his kids around it either thus he doesn't request overnights because he doesn't want them seeing that either.

Well I'd like to put that kind of clause as well except in my case he was having a serious relationship with her when he and I were still "happily" married

I'll send the exact wording of my morality clause in a bit, as I don't want to open up my MSA agreement file with my DD sitting behind me. Once she's doing something else, I'll send the wording so you can see if it's what you want.

It might not be enforceable, but it is a tool you can use if they end up ignoring other parts of the MSA also...to show the courts that they can't be bothered to follow anything, etc. Also, if the dumbass doesn't know it's hard to enforce, you can enforce it, ya know? My XH when we were Sep but not D, skyped with the OW with the kids so they could see her kitty kat. I sent him an email reminding him of the clause in the agreement and said if he as so much as tried to have her talk to my children in any way, I'd take him to court for contempt, etc. He didn't do it again, and my kids never ended up having to meet her before they broke up.

11 NEW PARTNERS

DM and XH agree that the children will not be introduced to any new partners as follows:

a) for a minimum of 6 months after the parents physically separate;

b) they will not be introduced to any new partner until the parent has been in a relationship with that person for a minimum of 6 months; and

c) they not be left alone with that person for no less than 6 months after being introduced to that person.

I could have sworn I had something in there about no overnights with members of the opposite sex who are not family, but I can't find it right now. Hope this part helps.

If he did not honor the wedding vows to love, honor, and cherish you why would he honor a morality clause? It can be put in there but the only way to enforce it would be to take him back to court and the judge is going to ask for evidence.

I wanted to put a clause like that in and my attorney said that it is unenforceable unless I want to hire a PI, continue to be the FBI, etc.

Today as I type, stbx and his home wrecking whore are house shopping...gag.

Our poor kids...

Thanks everyone, seems like I'm not the only one in the middle of a messy divorce right now. I am devastated beyond words but I'm glad to say I'm no longer going to be subjected to his bs, lies and demands to hurry up with my agreement. We got our court date, February 5, 2015. He thinks if we work on an agreement together and get everything worked out, we can "get this over with" by Thanksgiving.

I don't even know who he is any more. After 16 years (almost 10 married) he became a stranger overnight...

devestatedmom, what do you mean by "adultery listed" on your profile about your profile?

Mine was cheating on me with my babysitter, then cheating on her with is bosses 27 year old daughter (who I believe he's still seeing), when she found out she wanted to know "how he could do this to her?" I think she forgot about the wife at home with his two children.

And did I mention, in between all of this, he was sleeping with a known drug addict?

I'm happy to say that the first round of Aids, STD, etc., tests have all come back NEGATIVE...although I do have to subject myself to them again in 6 months.

I do have proof of the babysitter in a video as well as pictures (gross ones from his cell phone but now in my possession)....

Honest opinions please. Keep in mind that I understand that probably not going to agree to this but it's basically a bargaining tool...

Both the Husband and the Wife shall provide the children with a proper and moral environment. Neither party shall have an intimate relationship with an overnight guest while the minor children are present in the home. Further, the Husband and the Wife agree that the minor children will not be introduced to any new partners as follows:

•Minor children will not be made aware of any new partner until one (1) year from date of the final divorce;

•Minor children will not be introduced to any new partner until the parent has been in a relationship with that person for a minimum of one (1) year; and

•Minor children will not be left alone with that person for no less than six (6) months after being introduced to that person.

the Husband and the Wife

I would change to "Both Parties" and identify who "Both Parties" are. Since you won't be H & W when you're D.

Happyatlast, Husband and Wife is how we are referred to throughout the agreement. This will be incorporated in the agreement so that's why I have it Husband and Wife...I understand what you are saying though.

(love that you are "happy at last", I'm looking forward to being able to say that)

Minor children will not be left alone with that person for no less than six (6) months after being introduced to that person.

I understand what you meant to say, but on initial reading it sounds like the other person can keep that child for 6 months.

Maybe;

Minor children will not be left alone with that person AFTER no less than six (6) months being introduced to that person

But I'm an accountant, not an English major.