SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((ivan))

Just one more voice to say the MC sounds like a ding dong. Her "suicide" text was manipulative.

She wants you AND she wants to be able to have no consequences for her not keeping her promises.

If this is unacceptable to you, she must live with the consequences of her continuing to lie.

You mention that you're exhausted. What can you do to alleviate that exhaustion? What will make you feel more of a sense of calm?

I recently accepted that my H will never leave the apartment to give me the space that I want. I've left my home so that I can get a better sense of calm. I haven't felt good around him for a long time. I'm unsure where we'll end up, but for now, I'm not unhappy.

What will make you feel good?

Totally off topic, but how did you set up your router like that? Our internet is though ATT, and I have looked to see if there is a way to set something up, but I am tech noob....

you need a computer connected to the network that won't sleep, monitoring software connected to the same network w admin privileges. There are a few programs, I use wireshark, it's free. Not so easy, though. thousands of queries go through the router every minute, mastering the filters can be tricky. There are you tube videos.

Then you have to be able to decipher the code, not that hard but takes some time. easiest thing is spyware on the target computer, I didn't want to do that as you're running into legal issues. I doubt charges would be pressed but didn't want to go there. I own the router and pay all networking bills, so am entitled to monitor traffic for performance and maintenance

Thanks for the update.

When are you planning to see a lawyer?

haven't called yet, next week will call.

emotionally exhausted, physically not too bad off.

taking Xanax at night, though didn't help last night.

I'm off this weekend, so bike ride, maybe kiteboard if weather holds up. DD dance recital sat night and its always a pleasure. Head out for brunch with friends sunday.

My son is home form college (2nd m for both of us, DD hers, DS mine) so not leaving home right now because he would be alone, otherwise would prob left for a few days diving in Fla..a friend there just got a new boat. I believe you may be right about the no consequences angle. Seems likely. Atmosphere at home is really not bad, she is acting loving towards me and I'm keeping a lid on my feelings right now just in case SA was legit cry for help from despair. Can't risk anything just yet. I do love her and want to see her happy and well, even if it's not with me. I may not be able to stay with her, but I can do whatever is in my power to see she is OK as long as it doesn't damage me further in the process. As far as kids know she suffered bout of syncope and exhaustion and is recovering.

Ivan, how are you holding up?

Mc asks me why I think she is doing this, I tell her its an addiction, which is why I understand the compulsion to make contact. But again I say the contact is only 10% the issue, 90% is the lying.

That seems like a reasonable question to ask WW, NOT YOU!! Please tell the MC how you would like your treatment to go, and if they won't comply, find one that understands who works for who.

It isn't about whether this affair will start up again, its about whether there is any change in WW behavior that will prevent another affair 3-5 years from now. Like you, I have limited "shelf life" and I also wouldn't want to spend the rest of it worrying about when the next dday is about to happen.

Maybe I missed it, but is she working a 12 step program like SLAA or SAA? The "I don't know why..." is usually an indication of someone who is compulsive which can be an SA trait.

My SAWH is still not bought into the 12 step process and I fear it may be a deal breaker because he has absolutely no plan if he gets into a jam and not friends/support system to help him out of one.

no NC means no NC. This is a deal breaker.

Her suicide attempt was to draw you back in.

She can't play words with friends with him and keep you in the dark. She lied and the moment she lied is when it was too far. She knew it was wrong or she would have told you what she was doing.

Sorry you are going through this.

no NC means no NC. This is a deal breaker.

Her suicide attempt was to draw you back in.

She can't play words with friends with him and keep you in the dark. She lied and the moment she lied is when it was too far. She knew it was wrong or she would have told you what she was doing.

Sorry you are going through this.