Catching up on this thread. :) Funny PinkJeep, after I read your post a page back, the first thing that popped into my head was Love must be tough and then saw someone beat me to it. :) While that book is written specifically about infidelity, I find it's applicable in many relationships and situations. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is firmly hold our boundaries. Have you ever seen the show Intervention? I think about that book any time I see it when the family members enable an addict out of "love." Jesus himself showed tough love. Always loving, He didn't sugar coat. The gospel passage of the rich young man comes to mind:
Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.
Jesus had genuine love for the man but the man walked away sad. I think the problem in this world is often we equate love with happiness. When we hit valleys and the happiness fades, love does too, so we tend to try to keep everyone happy out of love. But that's a terribly selfish understanding of love. And impossible for our spouse to ever accomplishment. I cringe every time I read "I love you but I'm not IN love with you." Well, then you don't actually love your spouse so the whole statement is a lie. What would be true to say is, You no longer make me feel happy and I'm selfish so I'm going to go look for it elsewhere. But that doesn't sound as good.
Other things that make me cringe:
Only a fool lets regrets of the past and worries of the future steal the peace of the present.
Blake, always challenging me. I admit that this past week has been so hard for me and I feel like I'm failing God. This week, I want a divorce. And the reason I want a divorce has absolutely nothing to do with today. It has to do with 20 years of pain and bitterness and selfishness and betrayal on both sides. It was all of those things way before the infidelity. We've had a very hard relationship. Got together in high school and pregnant in our teens. We were young and stupid. Most people move on from their first few serious relationship so they get to learn from those immature decisions and then leave them in the past. Well, we were babies when we got together. And we have 20 years of bad decisions and hurt to sift through. Our marriage has been tumultuous. I remember before all of this, we got out for a rare date night. We talked and I cried into my entree over the state of our marriage. So it isn't like I have the good memories to fall back on. Not that there aren't any, it just feels like the bad has so far outweighed the good. When I said for better or worse, I didn't realize most of my life would be worse.
So yes, the magnitude of the horrible ways we've treated each other through the years is hard for me to look away from and it's destroying my present. Why is letting go so hard? Anyway, just wanted to admit my struggles. I'm embarrassed about them and feel like I should be a better person but focusing on the magnitude of my failures and the hurts that I've endured serve only to keep me stuck which is definitely not from God. Prayers always appreciated!
It feels like he suddenly picked religion b/c it teaches that God is forgiving, that all sins will be forgiven. STBX forwarded me an email yesterday that was a story about how God forgives all sins (he sent and said similar things right after dday). And although I want to be graceful about this, I can't help but feel he's throwing it in my face.
Someone who wields the gospel like a weapon misses the point. Why is He focused on you and what you need to do? I'd bet because he can't stand to focus on himself. When I converted it changed the way I perceived the gospels. I felt a deep and devastating feeling of how hugely I'd failed God and how enormous it is that even at my worst, He didn't abandon me, He continued to call me. The story of the prodigal son took on new meaning. The story of the woman who bathed Jesus's feet with her tears and dried them with her hair took on new meaning. The story about the shepard who leaves the 99 to find the one took on new meaning. I am the one. I was lost and now am found. How could I not have gratitude for that??
And what all these passages did was make me feel more sorrow for my sins against my husband. What you're describing reminds me of men who use the bible verse: Wives be submissive to their husbands, as a way to force them to do what they want. They miss the point and what St. Paul meant.
I don't blame you for feeling upset for the way your husband is using religion as it benefits him. Probably best to ignore him but a couple bible verses that would be useful for him to take to heart:
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.
Whether he actually found religion or not, he's not acting in a Christian way toward you.
Prayers and peace to everyone! This road is hard!