SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Can you set up nanny cams in the house? I know they might not catch everything, but something would be enough.

I've wondered this myself. I work in the field, so I can tell you that a psych eval should include personality inventories like the MMPI-2, mentioned in an earlier post. These tests can't be faked, as the test detects that. In my case, however, I'm working with a vulnerable narcissist, so the classic signs are covertly evident which jeans I would need an expertly expert to evaluate.

However, I've been reading on the subject. Psych evals cost thousands of dollars. Many states and judges expect both parents to be tested if a request is entered for one. What worries me about that is my knowledge of how present situational factors can influence the results. Specifically, I'm sure that my test would show paranoia based on realistic fears that I'm being victimized and persecuted by my ex.

So, there is another consideration. Many of our exes engage in high conflict behavior, such that they are making decisions about the children with only themselves in mind. If you can demonstrate that decisions are made selfishly, or with the goal of provoking an emotional reaction or inconvenience for you at the expense of the child(ren), then it's likely you can argue that you are dealing with a high-conflict person without having to spend extra money or time on a psych evaluation.

Just my thought.

We are beyond that now, I had started this thread before we settled.

However, it is very *unsettling* the more and more I recall his behavior way before I started to figure him out.

Stepping back from all the odd clues and *off* behavior... All the puzzle pieces that never made sense, or the var recordings that simply confused me, stepping back with all I know now and in light of his actions during the divorce.... It is a picture that is recognizable. My stbxwh is a sick creep with a sexually predatorial undercurrent.... And I don't underestimate his capabilities. Has he abused the kids? I don't THINK so. Could he? Very possible.

I don't need a professional evaluation to tell me what I already know.

I just cannot forget it. And be a loving ear when my kids figure it out fully. That is a shit sandwich, for them, but the only way they will truly get it is by witnessing it themselves.

I have something similar going on, but not the physical parts.

If I find the strength to stand up to x myself, his response is to discredit me calling me "confused". This has messed me up quite seriously, so that I was afraid for a long time to work for fear of mistakes and only did minute things for fear of messing up.

A few things have helped. A counselor to safely tell these things and to validate when possible has brought up my confidence. But also has helped show me how "sick" xs doing this really is.

Another thing I did was stop engaging in any conversation at all to withdraw his opportunities into my life whatsoever. My words only feul his criticism and bring me to my knees so the way to save myself is through silnce.

Also, can you stop letting him into your home? X here picks up ds2 at the door now and it helps. And it is in view of other people outside so maybe could help get your privacy back and things.

the more you can stop interacting personally, the better you may become.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:57 AM, June 12th (Sunday)]

He is out of the house going on 2 weeks. Once we had a settlement, I changed the locks. I packed his enormous collection of clothes, had him bring his truck to pick them up. At that time he noticed the locks and demanded a key, stated he was calling the police if I didn't give him one. I didn't give him one. No police, but a tearful call to my attorney on the driveway with him towering over me. No Key.

Since he has pretty much left us alone, except for an occasional pick up of the kids for dinner and to visit mil. Even that he does underhandedly... Texts my 18 yo to set up, only a few hours in advance. When 18 informs me, I have to text pos and set the rules.

The d isn't final. Soon. At that time he will he having overnights with my kids.

That is the only contact I have with him. And it is wonderful. But he will still be coparenting and is an evil sob and that worries me. A lot. If I put him and his fuckedupness too far out of my head, in an effort to move on, I fear I could overlook manipulation of the kids.

And that secretary whom I questioned the possible affair with that brought me to SI to begin with? He is living with her. But he does not know I know that. What's the point? He will just continue to claim I am delusional. I know I am not but boy what a head game he played with me for way too long.

Ashland: you are also all the wiser. We can thank our lucky stars for that. Think of the people out there who never get to this point?