SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We are a married couple for 4 years, with no kids. We were seeing each other for 7 years before that. Wife initially started our conversation that she wanted a divorce because she was not attracted to me anymore. Later on, she admitted that she was seeing someone (Mr.X) and she had committed the worst thing ever. She earlier she wanted a divorce, because she was guilty of what she had done. They had sex few times and now she is 6 weeks pregnant. She discussed with Mr.X and he does not want to do anything with the kid. She is planning to abort it, since she does not want to have it now.

I am very devastated with all this and want a divorce, because it seems to be messy situation. I can not speak to any of our friends/family about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic since it's very insulting to her character. If it was only an affair, I could have thought twice of giving this a second chance. But knowing she has been pregnant, it feels terrible. I do not know what to do...Looking for some advice here...please help, im devastated. Should I give her a second chance and forget what happened OR get a separation and make my own way out of this ?

Looking for advice from people who have gone through this ? I'm feeling horrible and need assistance...please Help !!

I'm so sorry you're here. and more sad for your situation.

I've been in the same situation with the roles reversed. My now XH got one of his OW's pregnant. She had the baby. I knew nothing of this for the first year and a half of the child's life. I didn't know about his affairs either. So I was blindsided too.

It's tough.

But you will survive this. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Remember to eat & drink. Get yourself a good counselor. Keep posting.

Is she certain this baby is his? Could it be yours?

[This message edited by Lost73 at 10:57 AM, January 30th (Monday)]

Others will be along soon.

Quick opinion, no kids, she already told you she wanted a divorce....file for D and move on. Do not try to "Nice her back" it does not work and she does not want to be with you.

I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic since it's very insulting to her character

What character? She is a cheater. if she had any character she would have divorced you first before screwing other men.

I agree ... what character .... not only did she cheat but she was irresponsible at the same time and got herself pregnant and is now taking the easy way out because HE DOESNT WANT IT.... WTF

I know the pregnancy was not mine, because she did not want to get intimate with me for the past many months.

123,

We here you loud and clear.. You have come to the right place for guidance and to get yourself on the path to healing. For starters please begin reading in the Healing Library , upper left hand corner..

I too was married to a woman who became pregnant from an affair and ended up having an abortion. This was her first affair and I lived with her for another 11 years before calling it quits. I never truly recovered from that revelation.. I stayed for my kids, if I was in your situation with no kids at the present time I would say you really need to think about what you can live with.. If she decides to abort the child she will have many , many years of trying to come to terms with this decision ..

We all have been down this ugly road of infidelity and you have come to the right place. Please find someone that you can talk to and get things off your chest.. You will do yourself 0 favors keeping it in.

Peace to you brother, keep posting so we can help see you through.

CDB

As others have posted, file for D and move on.

Don't try to protect her reputation by lieing about it, tell it like it is.

She deserves nothing from you but the door.

Does she want to stay married?Why? The reason she cut you off was because she was in love with the other man. Did he dump her?

She doesn't love you, why do you want to stay married to her? Did she quit dating him?

First of all:

Getting pregnant doesn’t make what she did any worse per se. Having an affair is bad enough in itself. The pregnancy is a consequence of sex and you wouldn’t be any less cheated on if she wasn’t pregnant.

What the pregnancy does is (a) force her to confess the affair and (b) make any decision to reconcile harder.

Be clear on one thing: No matter what the OM says or wants then IF your WW keeps the baby then YOU as her husband will automatically be registered as the father. You need to be very aware if she terminates the pregnancy or not and your legal situation if she keeps the baby.

Reconciling is tough. So tough that time alone is seldom a good reason to try to reconcile. That’s why we are suggesting you divorce and move on.

I would advise you to see an attorney as soon as possible. In most locations, you're the father of record if you're married.. even if you're not the father in fact.

Usually, it's best to allow 6 months to a year for a decision on whether you want to stay together or split. But in your case, while abortion is on the table, I think I'd separate until she comes to a decision on either keeping or terminating the pregnancy without any influence from you.

The last thing you want is her coming back years down the pike claiming you made her do something she didn't want to do.

So sorry. This is a really tough situation. :(

Divorce

A young marriage, no kids, no sex - why not? Did she not wanting sex with you? But now she wants to stay married? Why?

I guess she didn't use protection?

Is other man married?

My advice would be to divorce as well. I am very sorry you had cause to seek us out. Welcome to the best club no one ever wanted to join.

I am just curious, what was her attitude about abortion prior to this? It really does not change my advice in any way. I am just wondering how much she is rationalizing this.

Strength

I agree with ChamomileTea you need to start the divorce proceedings now. You are not her support system for the pregnancy you need to take a step back and let her decide what to do about the baby. You need to talk to a lawyer ASAP so you are not paying CS.

I can not speak to any of our friends/family about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic since it's very insulting to her character.

You can talk to family and or friends. She made the choices she made, this is her character.

been married for only 4 years and already cheated and got herself pregnant with OM? She may claim she said she does not love you out of guilt, but you cannot trust her words. I suspect the OM threw her to the curb at the new of pregnancy and now she's out of fog and say whatever to minimize the damage.

I say this as though you are my friend or a nephew. Get out. Don't even look back. Don't drag your feet. Just get out.

I can not speak to any of our friends/family about this, since I do not want to bring up the pregnancy topic since it's very insulting to her character.

Just exactly what character of your WW would you be referring too.

Your WW cheated on you, her husband.

Unprotected sex numerous times with her AP

Stopped being intimate with you

Lied to you

Broke her M vow's

Became pregnant with OM child

All of the above are the type of character that that no man wants or is looking for in a wife. And what she did is insulting, disrespectful & a big fuck you to YOU.

I'm sure OM loved knowing she cut you off so she wouldn't be cheating on him. If you don't divorce you can plan on her cheating on you in the future. Her actions show she has no respect for you and with no kids I believe you would have to be crazy not dump her.

Find out if OM is married or has a GF because if he does then he is cheating on them and they should be informed.

So sorry for your situation but the silver lining is that there are no kids and you can make a clean break. You deserve to be with someone who will value you and not disrespect and cheat on you.

Divorce her, then divorce her again just in case.

Yeah no current children in the picture and a potential of becoming a legal father hanging over your head when it isn't your child, I'd be running real fast to an attorney to get divorced. Make sure the reason is cited in the divorce filing (due to infidelity). I made sure it was in mine just in case anything was to come back to me. At least there's a filed legal record that she has signed also.

She's been distant for some time. This has already ended in her mind with you some time ago. You need to let her go for your own sanity. I know it's hard to do. But when your realize the girl you married isn't there anymore the decisions become much easier.