SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

UGH

Your WH is a long time liar and cheater, you know that. Can he stop? Maybe, probably not.

Go ahead and get the divorce, go for the spousal support, get everything you can. Don't give him a heads up in case he hides finances from you.

Take care of yourself! Get counseling, it really does help. If the first one isn't a fit, try another one. It sounds like you already have a full life, keep up the hobbies, volunteer if you can.

Give him "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair". If he "gets it" and starts working on himself, you could start dating him at some point.

Jersey wife, I am so sorry you are here. I am also married to a serial cheater. They never stop. If I were you, I would give him what he wants. He wants to be fucked? Here you go, buddy. Meet my lawyer for your fucking over.

But seriously, you just get one life, why stay in a marriage whete he clearly disrespects you? You deserve love and respect.

You do come across as very strong and incredibly well-grounded.

On feeling sorry for your WS - be careful about that. I did the same thing, but it was projection. It was how *I* would have felt in his shoes. But it was not how he felt at all, I learned. Seek confirmation if you need it, but my guess is that he's gone right back to her. He may not even be sorry about his relationship with his kids deteriorating. Look at his actions. If he's going above and beyond to restore that relationship, then that's a good sign. If all he's doing is texting them to get together, I would not assume he's feeling any devastation. He's shown he's a different kind of person than you are. He was able to look you in the eye and lie to you over and over, even during times you were deeply connected. You cannot make any assumptions about his feelings about all this. He will occasionally say words that match what you think they should be feeling - they all do - but it's often fleeting. Always look at actions, not words.

Hi, Jerseygirl

I also have rheumatoid arthritis and often wish my husband could spend a week in my body. Then he would realize how much physical and emotional effort it takes to have a normal seeming day.

I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found SI.

Sometimes you have to do something hard and momentous to get what you want and need. He has crossed so many boundaries against you maybe it's time to build a wall to protect yourself. Detach and move forward with plans to be without him. If you read the 180 from the SI library, you can start to make a plan to save yourself, at least for now. You gave him the chances to do the right thing and he blew it. A peaceful life away from the stress might be a blessing for you.

Some day soon his magnificent body built for fun and excitement will begin to fail him in some ways. As you know, there is not a magic pill for every condition. He may find out very soon that true love is patient and kind rather than lusty and fun. Let somebody else go through that little discovery with him.

I am so sorry for all you have been put through. You don't deserve any of it. Please find a good therapist and now help yourself. It is time for you to take care of you. You deserve so much more. Get an attorney and make sure you get all coming to you. I will be praying for you. Bless you.

Well I came home today to find a superior court summons for harassment. From the other woman

2 texts about sleeping with my husband ( nonthreats) one for cyber harassment for the webiste post I made 3 years ago,

The other woman is a real piece of work to have done this, I have my police report from a year ago when she non stop texted me, and I'm hoping this will help me to not be charged . This mess will not end,

Your story sounds so much like mine only I am 30 and my marriage hasn't been near as long as yours BUT the same back and forth and "pick me" dance (which I wish I never played), the lies about cutting contact, the crazy text messages from OW. Come to find out, there were MANY OW! I'm talking probably in the dozens but I will never know. No one night stands. All "relationships." What I knew was only the tip of the iceberg. Then I recently found out there is another child I didn't know about as well! It just keeps getting better!

Listen, you know your WH is lying his ass off about her blackmailing him to stay in their relationship. That's BS and you know that. He won't cut contact because you keep taking him back. I see no end to this unless you leave. Stop fighting over a man who is no prize. I know you miss your friend but he is showing his true colors and I bet you there is more to this story and to him than you ever knew.

Definitely get tested, get IC, and space away from him. Stay with a relative or make him leave the house so you can think clearly. There's no easy way around this and even though my relationship wasn't a serious long as yours, 10 years is a long time when you are 30 so it feels like forever to me! I am so happy to be moving on! I suggest you do the same or at least separate and let him and his "fantasy" girl work things out. I bet you there will be trouble in paradise!

Well I came home today to find a superior court summons for harassment. From the other woman

2 texts about sleeping with my husband ( nonthreats) one for cyber harassment for the webiste post I made 3 years ago,

The other woman is a real piece of work to have done this, I have my police report from a year ago when she non stop texted me, and I'm hoping this will help me to not be charged . This mess will not end,

Anything to make you squirm. Amazing how people are willing to put out money to do this.

You do need to talk to an attorney in case this ends up in court...but this is, IMHO, a frivolous lawsuit and judges do not take kindly to them as they are a waste of their valuable time.

Try not to worry about it too much, honey; legal documents look scarier than they are most of the time. An attorney will help you figure this out. Some attorneys give you a free consult.

I'd almost suggest countersuit for punitive damages, but she's not worth any more of your headspace (which, by the way, is why she's doing this...to get into your head even more)

Hugs!

I asked for a divorce and signed paperwork to sell our retirement home.

I asked a lot of questions today and when he became angry and frustrated saying he's not repeating himself again, I knew he wouldn't ever put the work in that I'd need To ever be healed. He should be patient and answer every question for 2-5 years minuimn in my opinion. He's given it less than 30 days. He then said Do you know how hard this has been on me? I'm not sleeping I have to work. You can lie around all day if you need to. Done. Enough said. What a piece of shit. Better now, than me waiting another 30 days to make a decision.

Not to mention is affair is suing me for harrassment of 2 texts. And spreading flyers of the webiste I put her on. THAT I did NOT do. I'm not stupid! That's a grounds for a legal case and I surely want no part of that, her to get a penny of my money or to see her face in court,