SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

OP,

As a BH in R myself, allow me to give you insight as to why your husband wants you to give him those texts. Another poster touched on it.

First, it may not be that he wants to know all the gory details, as much as he wants to gauge your willingness to provide them. He wants some kind of assurance that you're not protecting the intimacy you had with your AP, which was in effect, stolen from your marriage. He wants to know that you're willing to give him this, even while taking a risk in the process. To him, that's a measure of your remorse.

That said, he also may be the type of BH that wants the gory details regardless. I was. So much so that I read through every one of the 3600 Facebook messages I recovered, that detailed her two year affair. It was nauseating and soul crushing, but I'd do it again.

Give him the texts if he wants them.

[This message edited by badmemory at 3:41 PM, April 20th (Thursday)]

Reading the texts for me made me feel sick at first then after put talks with a counselor and together, he was just making up what she wanted to hear, and keep her from contacting me.

I saw the kids he told her and how much she insulted me and how he reacted to that.

I'm glad I can see now how much it didn't mean to him.

That's just my story.

Some texts were upsetting but most just ridiculous and something that would not hold water in the real world.

It also showed me how little they had in common, etc.

I think it can be positive to read them many times until the truth shows

He may indeed KNOW EVERYTHING, but he doesn't KNOW he KNOWS EVERYTHING. Trust must be rebuilt...from scratch...if your marriage is to survive. Others have touched on this: the human imagination is the most powerful force in the universe. Used for good it can accomplish anything...ANYTHING. But when it works against us...OOHHH Brother! Look out. Give him what he's asking. It's probably no where near as bad as what he's imagining.

I was going to comment on this thread much earlier but got distracted by life.

It seems so many others have said what I was going to... that my FWH deleted so much and I never had the chance to really KNOW what was said. It haunts me still...

However, then I read this from your update...

Now it's time to dig and sort and try and make some sense out of the crumbled pile of rocks and debris that used to be our marriage. It SUCKS. It is truly heartbreaking. And I'm getting to a more angry stage too, which is entirely directed at me. I had another few moments last night in bed where the utter sadness and sense of loss and remorse washed over me like ocean waves crashing again and again on me. I couldn't get my feet under me after being knocked down before anothe wave would hit. I can SEE it now. I can see and feel the devastation and humiliation and bereavement I have caused my H. I can't ever get what we had back. I stole from him and gave to someone else something I had no right to take and give away. I can't ever give that back. I will never be the same woman I used to be to him. He will never be able to look at me again and think this is my partner who will never hurt me; I am no longer his safe haven, our marriage is no longer sacred. So now we build a new marriage, a new sacred marriage based on moving forward from march 2017. Everything must change. I know I am willing to do whatever it takes. No matter how much ugliness I have to confront in the mirror on the way.

It took a long time for my FWH to reach this point. He did a lot of work in IC along the way. He eventually got there. When he did we began to find our path to really healing our M. He was working on fixing himself. I was working on healing myself. He finally jumped in and WE are now working on our R together. He had to reach this point of real empathy and remorse first. The key to it was FWH being able to confront himself... the reality of what he chose to do... how horrible it really was for me and our M... how deeply he'd betrayed and wounded me. That changed him. He was already motivated to change who he was, but that realization, that confrontation was a turning point for him. He really has dug deep since then and worked with me to heal our M.

I hope you and your BH are finding a similar path to healing as well.