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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 11:03 PM on Monday, July 10th, 2017
Any thoughts on what I should do
If it's not about kids and finances hang up the phone. I understand that it's hard to believe that she has become a pod person, but that is exactly what has happened. At some point, after a few years of sobriety, she may be a safe person to talk to.
Right now, all that is happening is you are pain shopping.
Strength
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
NoMercy ( member #54563) posted at 12:17 AM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
Why do you continually keep poking the bear?
What's the payoff in that? You're hoping she'll suddenly do a complete 180 and turn into the woman of your dreams?
It's done. It's over.
LET it be done. LET it be over.
Don't cling to a mistake just because you took so long making it.
Some people aren't loyal to you - they are loyal to their NEED of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty...
nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 12:20 AM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
Detach, detach, detach.
Those random texts are just fishing to see if you will bit. Don't take the bait!!!
The only communication necessary is kid/finance related. She has no money? Boo hoo. And guess what, not your problem.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
sam1 (original poster member #56410) posted at 12:40 AM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
I guess im just having a real hard time dealing with the fact im away from my son. Money and finances arent everything. I never grew up in a broken home....just brutal to feel like i failed. I do know there was no other choice with her actions.
I worry about him everyday....just a brutal pill to swallow....the alcoholism just increases the worry. However shes living with her parents so that makes it quite a bit easier. Thats funny though she makes 50k a year living at her parents and she still has no money. I guess everyone is right...why engage on the negativity she wants to rehash....it keeps me trapped and I dont see remorse at all. She may never escape her addiction. If she does maybe a normal convo can be had.
Dyokemm ( member #40254) posted at 7:32 AM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
I would message her back the next time you get contacted in the middle of the night.....
"Stop texting me in the middle of the night......you're waking up my new girlfriend."
But then.....I have a vengeful streak a mile wide 
Probably best for your situation to not respond at all.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 12:26 PM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
Is she in counseling, or a recovery program for her alcoholism?
Having been married to an alcoholic, Ill share what I remember from alanon.
An alcoholic's true problem is distorted thinking. Until they are in a true recovery program, the thinking continues to be distorted. The last person they will take any advice from is the person closest to them usually.
An alcoholic starts to have their issues boil up inside themselves and search to have a fight with someone who can be the "pressure release valve".
(She has a bad day, is mad at herself for having to live w her parents and raise a child alone, and texts someone to release the anger at herself. If you don't respond, after time, she will hopefully get help bc the pressure will keep building in herself to where she becomes so uncomfortable she wants a better life and will do anything to get help. ) Its times like this people in AA call their sponsor to help get their thinking straight so they don't text ex-husbands. 
Idk, sometime when you're not busy you might call an alanon phone meeting. (Times are on the alanon website). They are conference calls and no one will know you are listening if you don't want them to know. The information and tips shared are truly mind opening, and it will help you help your son deal with her as he grows up, whether she gets help or not. In other words, he might say, "Mom said this or that today" and you'll be able to cut thru the alcoholic bs and quickly give him a healthy tool to use to deal with her.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:27 AM, July 11th (Tuesday)]
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
sam1 (original poster member #56410) posted at 1:51 PM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
Homewrecked.,
Thank you for the kind advice.
I don't believe she is in counselling or recovery. She is trying to do it all on her own (or at least says she is). She believes I will file for custody if there is anything documented.
sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 5:54 PM on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017
she makes 50k a year living at her parents and she still has no money
Interesting. I make $35k, own my own home, pay my bills, and am taking DD on vacation to Europe this summer. Difference is I don't blow my money on stupid stuff. I pay my bills, pack lunches, meal plan, shop at consignment shops, etc. so that I can do all these things on a much lower salary.
She doesn't need more money, she needs a financial advisor.
She is a broken soul, but she is not doing anything to help herself.
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
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