SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I decided to start a new post. Since it seems the marriage is done I am wondering what happens if my ww just my kids out of state to live. The kids are 17 15 13 and 7. It will take me some time to get money together to see a lawyer beyond a consultation. I have a bad feeling she may go this route I have very little money to fight this sort of s battle so I'm just wondering how screwed I am if this happens

Are you divorced? Is there a custody arrangement in place?

No to both. We are in the early process of separating. This is all very new and raw

I'm pretty certain she cannot legally just take the kids, absent some already existing agreement of some sort.

To be sure...you need to consult an attorney.

I suppose she could argue she was just "taking them on vacation".

Which is why you need a lawyer to protect your interests as well as the children's.

I guess I mostly just curious what would happen if she just did it I know technically she shouldn't but with no custody orders in place there's nothing really legally stopping her. I guess I'm just curious if that were to happen how likely it would be that I would be able to force her to bring them back

Back in the day...she could have, alot did just that. My mother being one of them.

Not anymore...there must be a signed agreement in place before anyone can move the kids. If she does it in the cloak of night...she will be in trouble by your court jurisdiction...ordered to bring kids home, if she doesn't, kidnapping charges can be filed.

Had a coworker whose wife did that (2) years ago...he thought they were in the clear because she was mom. Bio dad was angry, took her to court and she was ordered to move the children back to home state or lose them...they packed up and went back.

Best to go ahead and start filing...once papers are filed, you can voice it as a concern and she will be told.

[This message edited by learning9433 at 11:47 AM, June 2nd (Friday)]

This is just such a scary situation for me I tried explaining this on my original thread but I do not have expendable income to spend on lawyers which is why I'm scared she's just going to take the kids and leave out of state because she knows I don't have the money to fight her. I did read online that if she does move the kids and I let her stay in the new state for six months they're considered a resident of that state and all custody will have to go through the state that she took them to

6 months is considered established residency, so don't allow it.

Can you open a CC for legal fee's at all?

Go online and look into DIY divorces and see what can filed on your own for minimal costs...get ahead of her here and be the petitioner...it will give you more control over timing, etc...she will have to respond to your filings. Will help keep her on defense and you on offense

[This message edited by learning9433 at 11:56 AM, June 2nd (Friday)]

Also you can look into legal aide in your area.

May I ask you a question?

Unless you are, literally, in total financial insolvency, ANYONE can find a credit card company who will approve them for credit. For goodness sakes, students with ZERO income are offered credit simply in exchange for a festival t-shirt.

You are sitting in the middle of a major life crisis - one that could potentially affect your entire future, personally and financially. Why the hell would you not do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to protect yourself????

Go to your bank and tell them you need a credit card. Immediately. Or... that you need a loan. Put the house up for collateral. Sell your f'n car if you need to. Take your wife's jewelry and pawn it. Ask your dad to cosign on a loan... or a credit card. FIND A WAY to get the five grand you need and plunk it down.

Look - I'm telling you this as someone who doesn't want you to get steamrolled:

YOU NEED A LAWYER!

So the credit card charges you 21%? What is it going to cost you when your wife takes your kids to Oklahoma? And takes YOU to the cleaners?

C'mon, dude. Protect yourself!

The issue is that I'm three months post bankruptcy and cannot get credit anywhere I can't use the house as collateral because my wife would need to sign off on that and she would not. My parents are not alive to borrow money from and I have no siblings. For almost 20 years my wife and her family has been my family. Clearly that is all ending. My ww unwillingness to work a full-time job has screwed us financially Looking back I wonder if this was not her plan all along to put me in a position now where I would not be able to fight anything

Divorced parents can't move kids out of state without the other's consent.

We are not divorced yet. My issue was I'm wondering what happens if she just moves with them I guess I'm going to have to go and find an attorney that will do a free consultation

Look online for a do it yourself divorce kit for your state. You may be able to download it or go pick one up at the courthouse.

You should also be able to see what child custody looks like in your state.

Check out free legal aid for keeping the kids in state.

Who else could be giving her money?

I'm fairly confident she's getting money from om. Sad thing is she still will not even in that she's having an affair But the things that have happened in the past couple of weeks and looking back I believe this is an exit affair

My sister did that. She left with the kids while every one was asleep and took them to Utah to be with her AP. She then had her husband served with divorce papers. He lawyered up and they went to court. It took several months but the judge ruled that she had to move back east within a reasonable distance to the kids father so he could have visitation rights.

So she moved back to Tennessee, about four hours from where the kids father lives and they meet half way every other Friday so he can pick up the kids for the weekend. He also gets them for a month of their summer break.

So if your afraid she going to run, see a lawyer now. In some states once divorce has been filed the kids can't be taken out of the home. So you really need to get representation and learn your rights.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 1:00 PM, June 2nd (Friday)]

At those ages, especially for the oldest three, a judge is going to ask them where they want to live. Any idea what they will say?

Unfortunately I do believe if they were asked they would want to live with my wife. They love us both but she has been the constant caregiver for them their entire lives

longforgotten gave some good advice. If you're afraid she might bolt in the middle of the night, or when you're at work, then get a court order now that will prevent that. Even during separation/impending divorce, a family judge will order NO CHANGES to the kids' living situation until all matters are resolved. You do have to ask though.