SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have seen this mentioned a few places. Has anyone here ever attended? I read their website and honestly am a little confused about what exactly they do. it sounds like they talk to you as a group, then you go back and talk to your spouse individually about what was said?

I have just seen it mentioned here as well as another forum that I read and I was curious if anyone has gone and what the results were.

I am also interested to hear more about the program. I've been reading up on it and it gives me encouragement that it could be something my BS and I could benefit from. Given the depth of pain she is in right now, however, I'm not certain she'd attend with me.

My H is not the go to counseling, talk about your feelings, everybody feel warm and fuzzy kinda guy. He does not wear his heart on his sleeve and does not show a lot of emotion (normally). So I am not sure if he would go either, but we have a program location just about 2 hours from us, and it was a lot cheaper than I expected - so maybe...

It can't hurt to ask right?

We heard about it from several members as well, and are signed up to attend one in mid-September. They say it is not marriage counseling, it is not a group thing, and while it is sponsored by a church, there is are supposedly no religious undertones or recruiting. From what I'm told, you go, they give you instructions on how to better communicate, and then for the next 2-3 days you work on communicating, as a couple. They said it is hard work, don't plan on going to dinner or seeing the town, you'll be too busy.

People who went have told me they recommend it.

My WW who is catholic and I (lutheran) attended the weekend 1st session and about 12 weekly follow ups. The fundemental focus is how to accept your own feelings, communicate your feelings...learn how to accept and understand your partner's feelings.

It attempts to identify what type of pernosality each partner is...to identify each one's weeknesses and strengths and how to navigate those without damaging each other.

Couples that have experienced marriage difficulties (some unfaithful, some with abuses, some stale) present their story (each partner from their own view) to the attendee couples. No attendee couples present any personal information or stories in the open forum. After each presenting couple-team completes their presentation...the attendees are give a list of issues or questions..each attendee couple then retire to a private space and are given 30min to WRITE answers. Then each attendee partner is give a few minutes to read the partner's response and 'dialogue' regarding the written comments. Th focus is on the 'feelings' each experience. This all in private..nothing presented in the open forum.

WW and I received tremendous positive reward from the program. We attended in 1994 and still derived benefit from 'our dialogueing' even now. It is a wonderful technique that we learned.

The most important aspect is 'feelings are never right or wrong'..feelings are natural human responses resulting from actions, comments, or events..all of which can be 'right or wrong'...but the resultant feelings are just that....personal feeling as a result of the 'positive or negative action'.

Couples that have experienced marriage difficulties (some unfaithful, some with abuses, some stale) present their story (each partner from their own view) to the attendee couples. No attendee couples present any personal information or stories in the open forum.

Maybe its the splitting headache I have right now, or something but I don't think I understand. So - each couple presents their story, but not in the open forum?

Allmyfault...sorry...the attendee couples do not present in open forum...always in private one on one...no outsider.

There are usually 4 sponsoring couple-teams that present their 'couple issues' by each partner telling their 'side' of their story. The presenting teams describe 'their' issues and present 'their' feelings resulting from the issues to the group of couples attending the weekend session.

I hope this clarifies your guestion.

Something to search on YouTube for...

The Retrouvaille Program grew out of Marriage Encounter. What caused its formation was there were couples who went to marriage encounter that marriage encounter was not equipped to handle.

The program is a three phase program:

Phase 1 - Weekend - This weekend is to get you and your spouse away from all the distractions of the world, the job, the kids, the other things that pull at you and gives you a place that allows both of you to focus on each other.

There are three presenting couples and a Catholic Priest. Each of them gives a presentation from their own experiences. The presenting couples had marriages that had some sort of trauma. Some had infidelity, Some had financial betrayal (hidden debts, secret accounts), Some had dealt with the death of children, some had dealt with a traumatic sickness with one of their children.

Over the course of the presentations they introduce a way of deeply communicating with your spouse, and it starts small and builds up over the weekend. However the weekend is only the start.

Phase 2 - The Post Sessions - Usually these are 2 sessions a weekend for the next 6 weeks.

After the weekend there are 12 post sessions. These post sessions build on the tools learned over the weekend and introduce you more information and ways of dealing with conflict. You learn more about yourself and more about your spouse and apply the techniques from the weekend toward these. Each post builds on the last and the all build on the weekend.

Phase 3 - Core - Core is a monthly meeting for those who have been through the program. Its kinda like a monthly checkup. You hear talks presented by members of the core and you see people who are on the same path as you. I think they help us to realize that we are not alone, and that working on the marriage is a lifetime deal.

My wife and I made our weekend in April of 2015 and it helped us a lot.

Retrouvaille isn't a quick fix. A marriage can't and won't be saved by a single weekend and the post sessions. However I believe the program has a lot to teach.

Retrouvaille was born out of the Catholic Church, but what it teaches can be used by people of all faiths or no faith. While the talks may reference the Christian Scriptures, no one is there to convert you. The members of Retrouvaille single purpose is to help struggling marriages survive and get stronger.

Some communities have what are called CMD (Christian Multi-denominational) Weekends. These will be three couples presenting and a minister and his wife presenting rather than a priest.

As a participant you are not required to share what you and your spouse are going through. The presenting couples, and the priest (or ministers) will not ask. If you wish to volunteer that information that is up to you. The presentations are given to a group and the couples do the exercises together. Again the weekend is for you and your spouse to focus on each other. There are times that are offered so you can share, but... and this is a huge but... no one is required to share.

I hope this helps out.

I thought I would give my two cents on the issue. We went to Retrouvaille and did the follow-up weekends. There were also monthly get togethers offered by the presenting couples, I think they called it CORE for "continuing our retrouvaille experience." We didn't go to those.

My take on it is, if you as a couple are committed to forgiving, healing and complete honesty with one another, it would be an amazing tool for learning how to communicate. However, if you still have unresolved pain, problems with honesty or worse, if their is still an affair ongoing on any way, shape or form, the program isn't worth your time. One of the people involved told my wife when she asked if the program would help, that it helps if you are committed to saving your marriage, but probably wouldn't do much for someone who just ended an affair or was still in one.

It was useless to us, since honesty was never her strong point. I think the further along you are from the affair ending the more helpful it would be.

So basically it is like anything else, you get out of it what you put in to it. But you both need to be committed to doing the work and really want to save your marriage. I think if either party is not committed to that you would be wasting your time.

The Sunday before our attendence the next thursday...I caught WW's car in his f**king carport.

I notified the Retrovaille managers...they called WW that Sunday night and cancelled us.

No ongoing affairs permitted...

No same-sex couples either. I communicated with them and was told they do not work with same-sex couples. As if our issues are not the same as everyone else's. I was disappointed to say the least. A marriage is a marriage. But we will never have the opportunity to know if Retrouvaille would benefit us in our journey . . . .

BS replying.

They won't work with non-married couples either. Wife knew someone that was interested in the program as a type of pre-marital counseling. (Can you imagine learning how to communicate with your partner well early on or even before you got married?) But they wouldn't do it.

Wife and I went a few weekends back. I can echo the private portion. In our session, they asked if anyone WANTED to share anything but it wasn't compulsary. The presenting couple would jointly read a presentation from their own POV using the dialogue format from the weekend. Then you get a question and they split you up to answer it. You only share your answer with your partner. We found it helpful. We're still going through the POST sessions.

IMO, I don't think you guys are ready for this.

Thanks everyone - This is probably something I will keep in the back of my mine for later. If I get to have a "later". Right now it does not look at way.

Allmyfault1, we went and it was great for us. Moreso for FWH as he had more of the problem with his feelings and communicating. Also, he had a problem of listening to my feelings and taking it personally.

We attended Retrouvaille about 1 1/2 years out from d-day. I honestly don't feel it would have been as effective if we had gone much sooner. I agree with MissesJai that it may be too soon for you to try Retrouvaille.

It is really too bad that the program does not allow same sex or unmarried partners to attend. However, it is financed and run by the Catholic Church. They get to set the rules as unfair as they may be.