SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My WH has been traveling for work the past few days. He got home late last night. After he went to bed, I went through his laptop (I have all of his passcodes) and I went through his browsing history. It showed he has visited a porn site called Project Voyeur the other night while he was away. This site is where real people post pictures or videos of themselves and people comment. When I clicked on the link and dug around, I saw that he has created a profile back in January. It enables you to chat, comment, post, make friends, etc. I could not find anything that he had contributed, BUT that doesn't mean he hasn't because I'm sure you can delete it.

After I took screen shots, I woke him up and confronted him. He of course made light of it and said "it's just porn. I don't post anything." He left early this am for a day trip, and we haven't spoken since.

My issue isn't that he is looking at porn, my issue is with this particular site. Is anyone familiar with it? Am I overreacting?

Well, if you're going to put up with porn I think you need to let this go as well.

One concern I'd have is if in the event the two of you have some, er, private pics or videos is if he's putting those up on the site.

Thanks bpguy --

I know everyone has different thoughts on porn. I don't look at it and I don't look at it with WH. I just am realistic in that I know my WH looks at it from time to time. My concern is this site. It's real people and its interactive. I'm not sure it's just about window shopping.

If you can chat, comment, post and make friends it more than porn. That means he can potentially start something up with another female. I'd be really worried about this if I was you and I'd be pissed as hell if I caught my WH doing this. Years ago I caught WH on an adult website with a profile. He also made light of it and said "I'm only looking a photos. I never contact anyone." I had no proof that he chatted with another woman on there or met up for sex. I can say it escalated into him going to chat rooms and cybering with many women. Then he graduated to an EA which turned into PA. Take this very seriously and tell him this is not okay.

This site doesn't sound like porn at all. It's fully interactive. You get to decide what is acceptable in your relationship. I'm sorry. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

I read your profile. He's someone who cheats on his pregnant wife and then does it again, with no shortage of drama.

Now he's dismissing your concerns about this window onto a world of filth. Sounds like he has you exactly where he wants you.

I'm sorry you've had five children with someone of such low character, but it is what it is.

The book "Not Just Friends" talks about windows. Waywards like to open windows to let other people into the marriage. This is the same thing. It's real people on the other end.

You either accept it or you don't. It's totally up to you what you decide to do about it. He doesn't respect you.

Thanks bpguy --

I know everyone has different thoughts on porn. I don't look at it and I don't look at it with WH. I just am realistic in that I know my WH looks at it from time to time. My concern is this site. It's real people and its interactive. I'm not sure it's just about window shopping.

OK, that's a fair point. I really didn't take that into consideration.

But to expand my thinking... the connection to him is probably very small. In other words, to him there is probably little difference between this and traditional porn. Certainly, to him, one is hardly any different than the other. It's all voluntary and voyeurism is just another form of porn. So I can understand why he views them the same- it's all "porn". That said, I wouldn't approve of either.

What is the point of joining an interactive porn site? It's to interact. There is no reason to join and then not post/correspond. If he just wanted to look at pics/videos, then there are plenty of them all over the internet and they don't require you sign up for anything to see them. To me, it sounds like he's headed down that slippery slope again.

Agree with lieshurt.

What is the point of joining an interactive porn site? It's to interact. There is no reason to join and then not post/correspond. If he just wanted to look at pics/videos, then there are plenty of them all over the internet and they don't require you sign up for anything to see them. To me, it sounds like he's headed down that slippery slope again.

He even said...."I don't post anything." He knew it was an interactive still and still signed up. Like lieshurt said, there are plenty of porn sites that do not require you to sign up and are not interactive.

The book "Not Just Friends" talks about windows. Waywards like to open windows to let other people into the marriage. This is the same thing. It's real people on the other end

He's opening a door for something to happen. To me this is not innocent on his part and do not believe his BS lies and trying to make light of it. I'm sorry you found this, SouthernMama5. Been there done that and it hurts like hell.

(SouthernMama5)

First off, good for you for confronting right away.

Let me ask, why did you go through his computer to begin with? What's your gut telling you? That's the real question.

And no, those kind of sites aren't "just porn". If he just wanted porn then that would be what he would search out. They are in control of what buttons they tap on. He made the decision to make a account and continue on.

To actually create a profile knowing what this site is for takes it to a whole other level of "just porn".

Did you ask him how he knew about this site? Would he go on these live sites in front of you and respond to people in front of you? Probably not and therefore it's deceitful.

When I realised my husband had to first register, then log into a account that he made, showed me so much betrayal. What a dark, nasty, degrading world to women. It scares me that this stuff goes on, that people do the kind of stuff I've seen and scarier yet, are the ones searching it out.

A husband in no way should be live chatting, live anything with someone else, unless your ok with it.

I feel for you SouthernMama5, I know how you feel, I've been doing it for four years now. It really begins to screw with your thoughts and your everyday functioning. Starts to make you feel like maybe your starting to loose it a little .

Thank you all for responding. When my WH gets home I am going to insist he remove himself from this site. This is just so disheartening.

Gently, but it isn't you who should be insisting. He should. He has to learn how to be a safe partner and not put himself in tempting situations.

Also, again, gently, why do you tolerate a serial cheater using even "regular" porn? It is just another form of going out of the marriage for sexual gratification. It also tends to escalate in shock factor as they desensitize themselves to normal sex (even if they are not SA). It constantly puts the partner in a position where they are trying to keep up with yet another form of fantasy. That is what porn is, fake, paid actors or the lowest of the low in unpaid actors who are so very desperate for ego kibble they post porn online, which is also fantasy, like an AP, as they are putting on a show for "ego kibble" commentd and likes?

Also, his "its just porn" is very dismissive.

I know you are saying you are just acknowledging reality. But it seems you don't like it, so why are you letting this continue to be your reality? You can choose this reality or not. You don't have to accept this reality.