Here's her whole story. I guess it's sort of therapy to write it down and get it out there, we'll see I guess. Apologies for the graphic nature...
She was out on a tour with a show as an assistant company manager. We now both do something similar out together and have for almost 4 years.
On the tour, she met and got to know a few women and men that were similar to her or otherwise "safe" from her perspective - her very gay manager, her female hair dresser, another woman we both know on props, and then this drummer and his wife and 2 kids, the OM.
One night they and a few others were all hanging out in her room having drinks, as usual after a show. After a while, as people got tired and drunk, they slowly filtered off. She starts to get fuzzy when there were only 4 people left she remembers opening a bottle of wine and having a glass, then it skips. The next thing she remembers is the TV on and she is pretty sure it was then just the two of them at this point. Skips...
She then remembers being topless while on top of him, seems to think she still had pants on at this point. She remembers rolling over, or being rolled over, and that's the end of it.
She woke up naked in her bed, which is odd for her, with no memory at all - then the above came rushing back. That's when she spent an hour in the bathroom sobbing trying to piece it all together. She found no residues, nothing hurt or felt abnormal physically, the sheets didn't appear dirty, but she admits having the whole room cleaned that day - I can understand that. There was no used condom anywhere and nothing on her or around her genitals to suggest there was climax involving penetration.
As to the STD thing - I hear you all and I think we'll be pursuing that. I will say however, that we have never had protected sex, as we can't have children and neither she or I have ever exhibited any signs of any STD - and visually, I would think I would have seen if there were warts or bumps or strange discharges, etc. We have always had a pretty active sex life and know each others bodies extremely well.
When it comes down to it, even though she was potentially so drunk she lost time, the lingering questions to me are those I'll probably never have answers to.
Who initiated contact?
Was she roofied as well?
Was she conscious the whole time or was it "muscle memory" sex - i.e. could she have mistaken it as me in her wasted brain?
The things I'm positive of:
It was the only time - she says after that night, they never even spoke again or had contact on the tour. He retreated back to his family life and she actively avoided contact.
She's shamed and remorseful - I have never seen her cry like this when we talk about it and I'm hurting, begging for answers she says she can't give me. It's actually killing me to see her like this.
I set myself up for finding out this late in the game... Years ago, we had one of those "if one of us ever cheated on the other, would we want to know about it?" - my stupid ass said no, and that gave her the permission she needed to keep it hidden. I was shocked when she actually copped to it when, again, two weeks ago, we were having one of those conversations and I casually dropped the "so, have you?" question - then, massive breakdown, tears, sobbing and the rest is history now :/
She terrified I'll leave her.
She hasn't even told her twin sister (who she tells EVERYTHING to btw...) because she's so shamed by it. She doesn't want to talk to anyone about it but me and a counselor.
[This message edited by rivendell74 at 11:48 AM, July 10th (Monday)]
