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How do you deal with something like that?

We have been having nightly talks since d-day (June 23). Mostly good and productive talks, even though in the beginning I was really thinking D.

One of the things we talked about was that in his texts he called her "baby", which is something he calls me. When I saw them I was really hurt. I was only able to recover about 20 or so of about 6-8,000 texts between them.

One day when OW was at our house (and I had no clue about A, she was dropping off her kids to play with ours), he was helping me do something and he called me that. She heard him and then later yelled at him and told him never to call her that again. So he started calling her "girl" or "girly". I guess that was ok for her.

Last night he was rubbing my back. I still haven't been able to be very affectionate towards him, but we both find this a mutually acceptable level of touch for now. He was rubbing my back and talking to me and used her nickname, "girl". He has never ever called me that before. Ever. I was really hurt. He apologized. But we just went to bed because it was late and the kids needed to go to bed and I have to work this morning.

In the grand scheme of things, I guess it's not the worst transgression. But he was giving me a back rub when he said it. Ugh, so gross and wrong! I wonder if he was really thinking about OW, or if he was just so used to saying her nickname, or giving back rubs makes him think of her, or being physically close to someone makes him think of her.

It's hard to say what to read into it. Maybe he was thinking of her or missing her, or maybe it was just an honest mistake. Every so often I call my wife by my XWW's name. It just slips.

I guess all you can do is gauge the remark and decide for yourself the context.

That said, I am sure it really sux.

When my WW called me by her AP's name, I accepted she's a fucking idiot.

My WW called him "babe" once, which is what she used to call me all the time. The first time she said it I replied with don't ever call me that ever again or I cant be held responsible for the outcome.

Just another bite of the shit sandwich - if you choose to eat it.

You posted this literally just a few days ago.

His selfishness is a big issue. He has been selfish for a long time. He spent hundreds of dollars on OW while I was having a hard time buying groceries, and he knew it. He spent thousands on his credit card knowing I was having a hard time paying the bills. He would spend all night texting or talking or being with her and then sleep all day instead of helping with household or kid stuff. He has a $600 watch and our kids have holes in their shoes.

Personally, this goes way beyond being selfish and enters the realm of abuse. What kind of person puts their family in further debt squiring their OW around town while their kids are wearing shoes that are literally worn down to holes? What kind of person 'needs' a $600 watch while his wife is scrambling just to feed his children?

I'd really think long and hard about who you're reconciling with. Cheating and lying is only one of his many hideous character flaws.

I am sorry that happened. I do have to tell you that my wh said that he called his AP my name 2x and she went crazy!!!

It hurts and it is so insensitive.

My FWH used terms with the OW that he used with me. I too, only found a handful of emails. He literally ran over his phone so I could not recover text (dumbass).

But those terms of endearment infuriated me.

Much later I realized that it just proved my FWH lacked creativity and imagination. It was just easier to use his familiar play book.

I would let him know it hurt and disgusted you and he needs to be more mindful of his actions and words.

Sorry he is still hurting you.

I can't imagine what that feels like. I have decided for myself that any relationship I have in the future will not involve nicknames. I do not want to share one with another woman. I have a name, and it should be used. No more baby, honey, sweetie, or whatever. He may not have meant it. He may not have been thinking of her, but it certainly made you think of her, and that is NOT ok. Best of luck

Oh gosh! I would feel really hurt !! Maybe it's an honest mistake but it still sucks and you shouldn't have to go through that. It's crazy the little things that are always there to remind us of what they did!!

That would hurt so much. I'm sorry. There are just so many things that cut like a knife. It feels so unfair to have to endure it. It's all so ugly and painful. Hugs to you.