SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Also, you need to re-evaluate your entire list of friends and social circles, her behavior was outrageous, and anyone in your circles that knew anything needs to be out of your lives permanently.

Your wife is lying and she is not remorseful.

Affair never stopped.

She has no respect for you.She was talking with him,sexting in front of you and your friends.Waxing,lingerie,paying with your money for hotel rooms,staying over night and what else.

Friends who supported her during affair are not your friends. They knew she was cheating but they call them over for coffe or lunch.

Also friends who told you sne needs to have expirience are stupid,sorry.

Continue with divorce.

Expose them.Dont hide her affair and be the bad guy.

STD test

Do you know if the asswipe she was sleeping with is married?

He needs to know you know about the affair. And if he is married his wife needs to know. That increases the chances of the affair fully stopping. It is VERY common for WS to go back to contacting the person to see how "he/she is doing". You don't want that.

He's not married, but has a girlfriend. He knows that I know, and the two of us have chatted. His girlfriend doesn't know, as far as I know, and not sure how to inform her. I believe I know where he lives, its out on the internet, but haven't been to his house or sent an letters... I don't even know her name.

does it honestly say anything that I found out about the affair and she didn't tell me? That she didn't stop it or had no intentions to.

Yes it says something. That she's playing right by the cheater's handbook. Cheaters almost never confess to what they think you don't know. They lie, deceive and gaslight - when caught, they minimize, trickle truth and feign remorse. That is all but the rarest of cheaters; one that is genuinely and unconditionally remorseful from the beginning.

That said, it's normal for a cheater to carry lingering feelings for the AP. But that can't be helped. What can be helped is their willingness to avoid exposing those feelings to the BS; until they eventually dissipate.

So what I'm saying is, if you want to consider R, she's probably going to be pining for the OM for a while. But she damned better make sure she doesn't show it to you or fail to accept consequences. She created this. That's the least she can do.

[This message edited by badmemory at 4:13 PM, August 8th (Tuesday)]

He knows that I know, and the two of us have chatted.

mfreund72,

What did you say to him, and what did he have to say to you?

You may want to consider the VAR and GPS in her car to see if it's still going on. I'd wager it is. If it was me I wouldn't bother and just bide my time until September. There is a metric shit ton of deceit in what she did with zero thought for you or your well being throughout it all.

I'm sorry you're here MF.

Good for you for filing for D right away. It doesn't commit you to anything but you've stood up for yourself.

I agree that the jury is out whether your WW is still in contact with the OM. She's certainly not going to tell you. If it were me, I would definitely put a GPS in her car along with a VAR - that's the way to know for sure.

And why on earth does she not give you access to her phone? That is outrageous. For me, that would be a 100 percent deal-breaker. I would tell her that she either needs to hand you her phone (and password, if there is one) right then and there on the spot or else the case for R is closed. The only reason not to give you phone access is if she has something to hide.

I would also do some digging to find a way to contact the GF. Perhaps the mutual friend can tip you off or there is some other way? Facebook or other social media? Other?

Final point - please get tested for STDs if you haven't already.

Hang in there brother.

Find out who his girlfriend is no matter how you have to do it and let her know what is going on. Do not tell your wife youre going to and see if she finds out. She will be pissed and you will know theyre still in contact.

She cut you off from sex because she was (is?) in love with him. That was her desire to be faithful........to him. Does she want to have sex with you now or just sleep togaether? Is she angry with him now? Do you believe it?

She's obviously still telling you lies anout that. That's not remorse. Look up the 180 list and follow through. Start working out and taking care of yourself. New clothes, haircut, hobbies, see your doctor for temporary help with sleeping and anxiety. Also see a therapist proficient with EMDR therapy.

How old are your kids? How are they taking this? What do you mean you ahve anger issues?

Why did she do it ? She started getting liquored up regularly and played by a palyer that has cheated before. He's a serial cheat. Your wife needs AA.

Tell your wife she isnt a candidate for marriage or reconcilliation. Tell her the answers are out there if she wants to find them but your done trying to fix her and wish her well. Whatever you do, do not leave, make her do it. Playing the sap just makes you look weak and causes more disrepect from her.

Marriage counseling is worse than useless at this stage. She needs her own counselor to see why she turned into a drunk cheater.

Strength is your friend, weakness is your doom.

Does your best friend know that his W was playing 'wing-woman' to your WW and basically facilitating the A with this POSOM that she is so great of friends with?

If not, tell him the role his W played in this shit......frankly if this guy is a serial cheater as you have heard, your friend should be VERY worried that his W is such great pals with this POS and helping him to seduce other friend's WW's.

Makes me wonder if he might unknowingly be another victim of this POSOM.

Also.....since they are all such good friends....your best friend might know the contact info for POSOM's Bgf.

Because you need to blow this scumbag's life up......send a clear message that you will totally fuck his world up if he doesn't get the hell out of your life.

Oh....and the other posters are 100% correct.....your WW isn't remorseful AT ALL.

She really told you, "What did you expect?" when you confronted her about the A?

I don't think I could resist (if I were in your shoes) telling her, the next time she is begging you to stop the D and make an effort for R....."What did you expect?"

Through her own unremorseful shitty words right back in her face.

But that's me.....I'm vindictive

[This message edited by Dyokemm at 11:02 PM, August 8th (Tuesday)]

And some of your 'friends' are actually trying to justify your WW's crappy behavior on the fact she didn't get to 'explore' before M?

I'd tell them to go screw themselves.....

After all, I'm sure you had some 'bucket list' experiences you never got to do and gave up on to choose M too.

Guess in their eyes you should be free to go 'sow some wild oats' now too?

lmao.....somehow I doubt her 'girlfriends' would be quite as understanding and tolerant if you expressed this fact to them.

They all full of shit.

Nothing you've described sounds like remorse on your wife's part. Acting sad, tears, and all the right words in the world does not equal remorse.

Actions help determine whether a WS is remorseful or not. Your wife's behavior and actions after being caught has shown she's anything but remorseful.

You should really stop the marriage counseling. It's a waste of time and money with a remorseless cheater. Which is what your wife is. It would be a better investment to see a individual counselor for yourself and to save money for the divorce and afterwards.

Also if you find the OM's girlfriend and tell her (which you should) do not give your wife or the AP the head's up. And when you do talk to the girlfriend make sure you do so with concrete evidence on hand or available. Otherwise it will turn into he said/she said, and the girlfriend is most likely inclined to want to believe everything her boyfriend tells her.

AND DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR WIFE.

Like many others said, she is not remorseful and she is only regretful that she gout caught. She is trying to rugsweep it, don't let her do it. MC is a waste of time with a ws who is not remorseful. She should be bending backwards for you, trying to make you feel safe and love. Being transparent is one of the steps to a successful R. I think you should get some VAR and place it in some strategic places like her car, just in case they took it underground. Also the distance from friends that knew and helped on the A. And tell his gf she has the right to know, if you where on the other side you will want to know. She still has not tell you everything and every time you discover something you will be back in pain, you ego getting hit and self esteem back to 0.

What do you mean you 'chatted' with him? This is not 'tea' time; get busy informing his girlfriend with all the details.

He's a pos and you just'chatted' with him? Say it ain't so.

Don't be the easy-going sucker she thinks you are.

Separately, when my ex-WW told me she wanted to be close to me, I told her to go to hell, then proceeded laser-like with divorce.

She remains a broken woman to this day.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 5:24 AM, August 9th (Wednesday)]

mfreund72, how are yo mate? Could you finally continue with your life?

She’s done little aside the remorse, which she’s shown. She won’t let me have access to her phone, to setup find my friends. It also took her three plus weeks to remove the other guy from her phone… they haven’t chatted since July 8th. She’s continually tried sleeping in the same room/bed with me… not sex, just wanting to be near me. I like that but I’m so not ready. She’s done little patience or trust wise… but continues to show remorse.

Sounds like you're being played.

You aren't in R. You're deep in denial

this thread is a few months old.

does it honestly say anything that I found out about the affair and she didn't tell me?

Unfortunately most cheaters don't end the affair and confess to their partner. What is usually more damaging to the marriage is the denial and lying that takes place after discovery. Her actions show that she lied to save her ass and now wants to move on and forget the affair. No way she is remorseful, or she would be doing everything possible to help you with your pain and distrust.

and I'm the only person she's ever been with

And I assume she is the only person you've been with, yet you didn't have an affair.

Bottom line is she's not ready to reconcile and may never be. You should stick to your guns.

Wool94 posted

this thread is a few months old.

Yes it is and probably is by now dead/ended by him (mfreund72) and not going to post here anymore, it’s a shame really when posters just stop posting as we never find out, if they are ok, how they are dealing with the aftermath, what they have decided to do, so mfreund72 if you are still following your post please let us know or at least give us closure if you don’t want to talk about it.

Regards BJE49

Cheaters lie. And they lie. And they lie. And they lie.

What does her not wanting to show you her phone tell you? Deep down, you know she's still in contact with him. Just not thru the traditional means on text and calling. She's using an app of some sort, and she's still in the affair.

She has shown zero remorse. She wants to cake eat, and she wants to cake eat forever. She's not worthy of you at this point.