SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved#t-1278829

"Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships."

This talk is actually very informative. Stay with it to the end. The last several minutes are filled with meaningful nuggets of wisdom.

Google her ted talk in mating in captivity, I'd love to know your thoughts if you liked her podcast

All she has is the gift of the gab. I mean seriously "feeling alive" and similar justifications for adultery might sound sexy until you apply them to a person with homicidal tendencies or other deviant and selfish tendencies using the same expressions. A load of codswallop to be honest. I think we are part of a world where in a bid to be open we allow morally questionable voices a platform as long as they coat their bile in sufficient pseudo psychological mumbo jumbo. On the other hand we mock the voices that call for clean, honest, socially responsible living as rigid or boring. There is sufficient evidence here that the superficially glamorous ideas are rotten at the core because of all the heartache and trauma and broken homes they leave in their wake when the sheep or the selfish amongst us are tempted to adopt them.

ETA I have listened to her Ted talks and she speaks very well but it doesn't take much mulling over her words to realise she is advocating something with complete and utter disregard for the fallout. If she were to bring up the true ugly reality of infidelity including the prostitution angle the audience would be squirming and a little less enthralled.

[This message edited by RoadtoPerdition at 3:22 AM, August 13th (Sunday)]

Esther Perel has been a rather hot button issue on this board in the past, Damis.

Some love her, some hate her.

I enjoy listening to her, but some find it rather hard to handle, especially at first.

If she speaks to *you*, then by all means listen.

Listening to the Ted talks are the same as posting on this board. Take what you need, what speaks to *you*, and leave the rest.

I agree with RoadtoPerdition

I think cheaters lie- lie to maintain image and rewrite history to justify and maintain their image

When you have been blindsided and gone through false reconciliation all that is left is that they were entitled and selfish.

The fall out are the consequences that had not considered. The fallout then becomes you being a bitch/bastard

she does speak well though!!!

It depends on which side of the bed I get out of in the morning as to how I view Esther Perel on any given day.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:18 PM, August 13th (Sunday)]

I listened to her a lot in the beginning, but honestly, when she says things like "Become the exciting vibrant person you are meant to be so it will attract your wayward partner" (paraphrase) I was like WTF?

She has a few interesting things to say but overall her attitude toward cheating and open marriages is NOT what I'm looking for in my healing journey.

I agree with a lot of the others here. Before I understood the depths of my STBXWW's lying and deceiving I thought a lot of what Esther said makes sense. I may have even referred to her in my thread. However, as reality sank in, I realized that it was the romantic side of me that was drawn to Esther's advice whereas my head was telling me it really would be impossible to trust my WW again. Following Esther's advice would be tantamount to rug sweeping. No thanks!

She has a series of free podcasts in which she plays actual counselling sessions of people dealing with infidelity. They're available on audible