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So I have really been pretty quite lately besides the feeling like total crap the last few days. However over the last few weeks there have been some new and almost unbelievable developments that have blown my mind and infuriated me. This is going to be a long one so hold on.

If any of you have followed my story you may know that I posted on another thread that my WW was moving out a couple weeks ago on the 30th. I was relieved that it was finally happening and also sad at the same time. However when the day arrived she laid around all day and packed nothing. At about 9 that evening I asked her when she was planning to go to her aunts. She gave me some horseshit excuse and then asked that since the kids and I would be at the county fair all week staying in the camper if she could stay and get things packed up while we were gone. Remember she has been unemployed since July 18th but still nothing was packed up yet and still no job prospects at this time. For some dumb reason I conceded and said ok; I would allow it but I wanted her out by the 7th. Now during this time was our public confrontation where I got slapped and she lied about what she was doing each night (instead of being at home she was going out). I also came home at one point that Friday and noticed that nothing had been packed up and the house actually looked worse. I said nothing. Now fast forward to the 6th of August; I came to the camper at the fairgrounds to get something and she was in there alone. I went in, got what I needed, and was going to just leave but I stopped and asked her if she was in fact still leaving the next day. She said no, I think I will just stay it will be some much easier for me. I amazingly restrained myself and said nothing. Now remember she is unemployed living in my house paying for nothing but still going out and partying but using all my shit and eating the food I cook just like we are married. Wait....it gets better.

The next day we had already planned to go shopping for the kids school clothes because it was tax free day and we could save lots of money that way. Now of course I was going to have to pay for them all because right now I am the only one with money....not a lot mind you but it was out of the half of our savings that we divided. She is supposed to pay me back later; I'm not holding my breath. So anyways we went and got some clothes. At the third stop (Academy Sports) I decided that I had a little extra that I was going to get myself some shoes and a few new shirts since she had previously picked out 99% of my current wardrobe and it kind of creeps me out to wear them now. Now I had left the cart with her and the kids and went off to find some things. My daughter helped me pick out a few shirts before that and I found some shoes I liked. On the way back to the cart I grabbed a pair of shorts off the rack and walked over to throw them in. When the WW seen them she laughed and said "What are you buying those for; nobody wants to see you in shorty shorts like that; nobody especially you should ever wear those" Now mind you this was in front of the kids....My daughter quick as a whip without hesitation blurts out "Jeeze mommy, that was really mean to daddy" and my son right after that "yeah mom that was pretty harsh". To which my daughter follows up with "I mean yeah the shorts are pretty ugly but you don't have to be so mean about it". Now she got mad grabbed some shit out of the cart and stormed off saying that since she was so mean she would just go to the car. At this point I put the shorts back; I shouldn't of but my daughter assured me that I should; I love this girl. But I was confused because my WW had grabbed an arm load of clothes from the cart, however all the kids stuff and mine was still in there. Yep you guessed it when the kids and I went to the check out lane there she was buying a hundred dollars worth of clothes for her FREAKING SELF!!! while I was over there buying all the kids clothes because she didn't have any money! The audacity of this woman to do it right in front of me....I realized that day she has absolutely no respect for me or the kids. I took the high road and said nothing. Oh I'm not done yet......

Now the next two days were school enrollment which of course cost money that she supposedly didn't have so I was going to have to foot the bill again I'm doing this for my kids. Now I only paid half of the lunches and gave here the totals for the remainder so she can just pay those later. I don't know if that will happen but for now that is the plan.

As the week has progressed everything has really started to take a toll on me emotionally and I had a therapy session on Friday that really brought me up and helped to convince me that I needed this woman out of my life as soon as possible. I realized that as long as she wants to keep doing married shit like talk about her day; where she went; what she did, blah, blah, blah....even though I don't think most of it is the truth. She spends most of her time laying around playing on her phone ignoring the kids. So yesterday I decided it was the day.

I had to work so after taking care of my morning stuff I had to come up and get ready for my nephews baptism at 11. She was still in bed; my bed mind you (the last week she has been sneaking in the bed with me sometime during the night after I have already gone to sleep) I informed her that she owed me $50 dollars for her half of the internet bill. She gave me a weird look and said OK? I then told her that the bill for her new laptop was due again a perplexed look. She said I thought that was paid for? I informed her is was not and I was not taking care of paying for something that she used to meet dudes. She got mad. I left. Came back a minute later and informed her she needed to leave; it was not healthy for us to be acting this way in front of the kids. She said and I quote "Legally you can not make me leave until September 18th when our divorce is final"

I had literally nothing to say; I was freaking speechless. Can you believe the audacity of this woman? Who freaking says a thing like that? A freaking psychopath that's who. I quickly snapped out of it and informed her that even her friends who she didn't know I was talking too thought I should kick her out; even they recognized how disrespectful and unhealthy this was for the both of us. After that she finally agreed. I then informed her that we could no longer do married shit which I described what that was and that I didn't care what she was doing because it just hurt me even more to hear her talk about all the fun she was having. She agreed to stop. Please remember this fact.

Now last night was her sisters 17th birthday party at her dads. We were all invited and I asked if she wanted to take the kids because I obviously wasn't going. She said that she figured that I wanted to be with the kids and I did but I was going to be with them all day and then again today at another birthday party. Besides she barley saw them last week and I needed a break since I had been on full duty for quite some time while she went out and did what ever. A buddy had invited me for fishing and beers so I kind of wanted to go. She agreed to take the kids; I should have know something was up when it took that much convincing. Party was at 7; I left at 530, I told the kids I was leaving and where I was going but not her; remember in my opinion that was married shit. Now when I go fishing I leave my phone in the truck; technology does not belong in the out doors and especially in a boat. So I fished, drank a couple beers, and talked with my brother and good friend. At 9:30 I get back to the truck and look at my phone; I find the following messages from my WW delivered at the times stated.

6:46 pm - I assume you left earlier without even saying anything. I was supposed to go out with blank tonight but I didn't want to tell you that when you asked earlier because I figured you would get mad. (Blank is newly divorced for the same reason; also a WW)

6:47 pm - What time do you plan on being back to the house? Do you think the kids will be ok here alone after we go to Blanks party? If not, I'll tell blank I can't go. It's not a big deal.

8:24 pm - The kids are playing video games with blank and blank and some friends at Dad's. Aunt blank was there and said she would run them home later. (key word in that message Her aunt WAS there)

Now when I seen this I was furious; First of all she ditched my kids and if I would have known that I would have stayed home. Secondly at this point they were at home, alone not knowing where either of us were. So I of course bolted back to the house after dropping off the bro and arrived home at 10:00. They had only been home for an hour. They were fine and still awake. We talked; ate dinner because they were never fed, and watched a movie until midnight. The kids were far from impressed with their mother's actions and told me so with out prompting. Remember that the party started at 7 but she texted me like she was leaving at 8:30? But she had said in here own words her aunt WAS THERE? Well my son informed me that she was at the party maybe 15 minutes before she left to go out. She really did ditch her kids on her Dad at her sisters party and they knew it. They asked me where she went but I could not answer that question. They were disappointed and not that happy with her. I did think the waiting until 8:30 to text to make it look like she stayed until then was clever on her part.

Now when I got home and after we ate I noticed her overnight bag was gone, her blow dryer, and her make-up bag was also gone. So I knew she wasn't coming home and didn't care. I did not respond to her messages at all because it didn't matter at this point. Then I got the following message....

3:47am - I forgot to text you earlier and I just woke up to use the restroom and thought I should. I'm staying the night at blank's house in blank. I'll see you tomorrow.

Now is it just me or is she still trying to do married shit? She knows she is fucking with me; she knows she is pulling my strings, and pushing my buttons and its all on purpose now. Her text probably should of read "I just got done swallowing this guys load and figured I should let you know"

I have not responded to this message either. You know I spent the last week crying for this woman; but after the last two weeks where she has plenty of funds to go out and party and meet dudes but not support her family; fuck her. She is making it so easy for me loose any and all respect for her, to despise her, to fall out of love with her. It feels like it was almost over night where I just woke up this morning and was finally honest with myself that I will be so much better off without this woman and I deserve so much better and so much more. That I will be a great father no matter what happens with her and the kids will respect me for it; that they will see her for who she is on their own. I truly am the better parent and the more stable one that they will look up to.

Oh and one more thing she has stated twice now that she told me that if she didn't get what she wanted from me sexually that she would find it else where. Now I don't remember this and I feel like I would freaking remember someone telling me they would cheat on me. Well I pin pointed the day with a little more information....I still don't remember it but I found out what day it was....two days after she slept with the first man. Some warning right? I threw that in her face, didn't need to but did it anyways. Shut her right up. I married a god damn psychopath.

Thanks for listening. In a way I hope my shitty story can brighten someones day and make them say "Man I thought I had it bad; at least I didn't spend 20 years with that crazy bitch"

Got to end things here for today....fish gotta eat. Fishman out.

[This message edited by Thefishman37 at 10:22 AM, August 13th (Sunday)]

Wow Fishman, I am sorry it's been such a rough time for you. It sounds like you have found some clarity though and seem ready to move forward without her. In house separation is hard. I did it for over a year and I totally get the "pretend we are still married" crap. You are a good Dad and so correct that your kids will have a close relationship with you. So glad for them that they have a stable parent.

What's your next steps? It's almost over less than a month to go!! You've got this!!

Is this house yours or is it marital property? And do you jave any soet of aggrement in place yet in terms of custody or property?

Oh Fishman, she needs to GTFO. Pronto. I would push, if she has a place to go, she has no business staying there and using you and neglecting those kids. She needs a big dose of wake the hell up and honestly I think you're being far too easy on her. (No judgement my WH is still in my house, so it takes one to know one. ) I'm glad you're finally seeing her for who she's become, it will make getting through this somewhat easier. Sending a big hug your way North.

[This message edited by Anyone13 at 11:03 AM, August 13th (Sunday)]

Why can't you change the locks? Bag her stuff and put it outside when she's gone overnight. Also, carrying a var might be in your best interest.

[This message edited by ArkLaMiss at 11:56 AM, August 13th (Sunday)]

The house is provided as a part of my employment which means the only way I can leave is if I quit. And yes we have a marital agreement and we have a document relating to marital property. I am about sick of all this shit and I am in the home stretch now only 37 more days; I haven't seen her since yesterday and I have been fine all day. I know though that as soon as I see her tonight I will fall to shit; I am hoping not but I know I have to be strong and get this person out of my life.

It would not surprise me if sept18 came and she refused to move out. Arrange a sitter to watch the kids that day because that's a fight they don't need to see.

Can you return the laptop?

Can you get exclusive use of the house; did she agree to move out legally? If so, change the locks and call the police when she shows up, and show them your paperwork.

Once your D is final, do not talk to her except thru email- you will not believe how awesome that is!!!!

Sept 18th can't come soon enough!

In the meantime, change the wifi password so she can't use the internet you pay for.

You really have a great opportunity to show her what her new life will be like and actually get to see her response. I would use this opportunity to show her this new world. Cut her out of everything that you do with the kids. Make plans with them without bringing her into it. When you do have to say your going to have the children make the info you give her as limited as possible. I am taking the kids out for dinner tonight at 5 and we will be back at 8. She doesn't need to know more. Don't buy food for her or anything else. When it comes to the internet put up access point and change the password on it. If she needs access she can buy her own internet.

When she does what she did then you document it and pass that along to your lawyer. If she is going to leave the kids unattended then she shouldn't have any custody of the kids.

I fought in two separate cases to get custody of my kids. It took me three years to get custody of my older two girls. Its not that a judge just woke up one day and said oh your the best and handed them to me. Its that my daughters mother was just so bad and she pulled the same stuff she did when I first took her to court.

My second time was with my xW. When I kicked her out of the house she left with what she could carry. Most of the things she brought into the relationship were tossed in the trash.

You can set the tone for how you leave this relationship. You should have to start living your life for you and your kids. She is your past.

C

Do you have some type of plan in place for when the 18th of Sept comes and she refuses to leave? Have you researched your options or spoken to an attorney?? Because your wife seems to do whatever the hell she wants and I could see that date rolling around and her telling you she's not going anywhere.

She's gone.

(((Fisherman))) a threshold crossed. Mission accomplished! Expect some rollercoaster feelings but you got there!

Thefishman37, I'm sure that was a bittersweet moment....

Finally free of the in house reminder of the WW.

What a hellish few weeks you have had to endure. Keep those kids close and love them with everything you've got.

I hope you find much peace and relaxation in this next chapter.

Do you want to talk about it?

When they keep doing the wrong thing time and time and time again, it reinforces the fact that ending the relationship was the right and only possible decision. Your head knows it, your gut knows it, it just takes time for your heart to catch up with the rest of you.

I actually think when they behave this way they are unconsciously doing us a favour. I pity the BS's whose waywards behave inconsistently because it must create considerable confusion on which path to take, and as you often see here, years get wasted with prolonged heartache and pain.

It all sucks, but I think you'll ultimately get to a point where you'll see it (and feel it!) the way I've described above.

This begins a time in your children's life where they get to see a strong, caring, stable, parent. You. My friend's H died when her daughter and son were small. She decided that they deserved a good childhood from this point on and worked very hsve to do that for then.

My sons are now 20 and 17. (It was HARD at first), but now they thank me all the time for supporting them, giving them stability. They line up with my values and their POS Dad is like an uncle.

Once he left I told them our propery lines are our safe haven and no one crosses that boundary. I had to call the police several times when their Dad showed up here. He now stays at his house and drinks alot, while OW now wife yells st him!

Sorry, fishman.

I'm sure once things settle down a bit you'll find yourself more at peace than when you were so entangled with this toxic person. Chin up, man. Your integrity is intact.

As treborwi said,

Getting rid of ME will not fix what is wrong with THEM

Strength to you, bro.

The shitty thing is I am still expecting her to come home you know. Like it is some kind of bad dream. I'm so sad it had to end this way.

It has been nice not to see her face for sure. When I was dragging her shit outside the other day after she refused to leave once asked she admitted that she was only staying because it was easiest on her and she couldn't understand why I couldn't just keep my mouth shut. I don't think the WS ever get it and I know that she never will.

I hope from here on out I only have to see her in passing for a while. I think I will avoid any known places she may be just so I can heal. Of course I will have to see her for kids events and such but it doesn't mean I have to be that close to her.

On a brighter note I leave for Florida tomorrow which includes a week vacation with the kids. It will be great for us to get away and I know that they are really looking forward to it and I know they need a break from all this divorce talk as well. It should be very relaxing to get away.

On a brighter note I leave for Florida tomorrow which includes a week vacation with the kids. It will be great for us to get away and I know that they are really looking forward to it and I know they need a break from all this divorce talk as well. It should be very relaxing to get away.

I'm in the Tampa Bay area if you wanna cross that boundary! Beer's on me!