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Ok...so that's the last time ur gonna tee up a reply to her right? Next time tell her calmly not to call you anymore.

Of course Sybo is right, but you gotta admit, that felt goooooood!

Mister, it's understandable answering the call from an unknown number, but the second you hear her voice, just hang up. If you allow her, she will continue to kick you in the groin, in every single nasty phone conversation.

Overall, you are handling things great under the circumstances! I bet she did not expect this "steel resolve" you've been displaying, and it is probably eating her alive!

Stay strong!

You're doing the right things. You're not a storage shed and not her doormat. She's just pissed that you're not taking her crap anymore. Good for you. Take care of yourself.

I sent her a text that said:

"As I've said, I want no contact until and unless you're ready to talk about fixing our marriage in a mutually agreeable way. Any other discussion should be email or text only."

I got 4 texts right after that basically said she wasn't going to do that. She said she would only call me with need-to-know information.

I also saved the number she called from and labeled it "DO NOT ANSWER!"

This is devolving fast.

[This message edited by MisterUsed at 10:49 AM, August 23rd (Wednesday)]

Keep it up. It sounds like she is going to continue to try and bait you to provoke a reaction.

Just a suggestion, but if you get any calls from numbers you don't recognize, just let it go to VM. If it's her and she leaves a message, ignore it and don't engage or respond.

Good job, don't let her dictate anything to you, only communicate via email at this point...I would even consider changing my phone number if I were you.

Have you changed your door locks yet?

If not, you need to ASAP.

I would stop giving her the option of R. She is spitting in your face at every chance she gets. As long as she knows she can change her mind and coming running home to you with open arms, she will NOT respect you. You need to make her feel like you've made your own decision and that you're done. She has no option, she blew that 100 times. Now you need to find your strength.

If R is what you want, you need to at least pretend that you don't want it anymore. But without kids I don't know why you'd want to R with someone who has such a nasty personality. Sorry, she seems like a piece of work.

Next time you guys talk just say "please pick up your belongs and dog by x day or let me know where I can drop them off". Or better yet have a friend or family member do it so you don't have to see her.

Do not let her believe she gets to choose right now. She will never choose you. And if she did, would you really want her to choose you out of guilt or fear for not having netflix anymore?? No. That's not a healthy relationship and will tank in a matter of weeks. So please stop giving her all the power of the outcome.

I have to agree with smilethru pain:

I would stop giving her the option of R

Your option, your terms, not hers.

She texted tonight to ask why I changed the Netflix password (I pay for the account). I told her that "You don't want to be with me, so it's not my job to ensure you're entertained anymore."

Was that too nasty?

I think you have been acting to nice to her when she appears to hate your guts. No part of you should want to R with her unless you like being tortured.

Stick with NC and if you do need to communicate go through a third party, she doesn't deserve to hear your voice or receive an email/txt from you.

I've found my anger in this situation.

I dropped her from my insurance this afternoon. I let her know so she can get insurance through her company.

I said, "This is what nonmonogamy looks like. You want to be free, this is freedom."

She was, to say the least, not pleased.

Dropping her from the insurance might not be kosher legally without some separation agreement. Have you spoken to an attorney about all of this?

Mister,

Great work on these quick and decisive actions! I must agree with what others have been telling you, and that is not to ever think about R with her. By the time she is cut completely out of your life, the strong and decisive actions you're taking now, will leave you in a much stronger position emotionally.

If you haven't done so, you may want to find and speak to a divorce attorney ASAP. Make sure that you are on a legally sound footing, and that what you've done will not come back to haunt you later.

Keep this up, and I'll have to add you to my SI Heroes list!

Indifference is your best defense. Don't tell her what you're doing or even show interest in her. Treat her as you would any other stranger.

I also agree with the poster who advised you to change your locks. Don't allow a stranger into your house.

Additionally, let her know that her stuff is being placed on the porch. Then, pack it up in trash bags and put it there for her to retrieve. When she shows up to get it, don't come out or acknowledge that she's there. If she knocks, don't answer. If she becomes belligerent, call the police and have her removed from your property.

If you are committed to the 180 and no contact, why are you having so much contact with her? Posters advise the 180 in your situation for a reason; you need to detach from her and move on with your own life.

My attorney said I cannot drop my WW from our health insurance. I was told it's best to keep it until the divorce because if she gets sick or amounts a lot of bills, you BOTH own the debt.

Also, this may not be popular, but put the dog in the pound and tell her where she can pick it up. Not your problem.

GoingCrazyNow:

My attorney said I cannot drop my WW from our health insurance. I was told it's best to keep it until the divorce because if she gets sick or amounts a lot of bills, you BOTH own the debt.

Thats a good point, might check with a lawyer. But I'd let her believe you did. If she gets her own, well....there ya go.

Limiting any discussions to R makes you appear weak and wanting in her eyes.

Do an uncompromising, complete 180.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:30 PM, August 25th (Friday)]

I would try to eliminate contact completely - with the narrow exceptions only where some communication is absolutely needed. You need to get away from all the drama. It seems like she craves the interaction, and pardon me for saying this, but I feel like you are as well.

I would not answer any call that may be from her.

I would limit any absolutely required communications to email. I would not even text because it's very real time and invites back and forth.

I would also stop pointing out to her how your steps reflect the fact that you're not together, this is what you get, etc. it just invites more snark back and forth. I know it's tempting but I would double check anything you email to ensure it is "just the facts ma'am" - very plain vanilla, and nothing else. Here's the test - 5 years from now when you've met someone else and are happily married, will you read these looking back and feel good about what you wrote?

But you're doing great. Just some ideas to consider. Stay strong.

I would try to eliminate contact completely - with the narrow exceptions only where some communication is absolutely needed. You need to get away from all the drama. It seems like she craves the interaction, and pardon me for saying this, but I feel like you are as well.

Thank you for this reminder. Last night she sent me four texts, one of which asked me to call her. I didn't. I never even picked up the phone to do so.

This morning she texted to let me know that she was coming to get her things. I didn't respond. I thought, "Do I have to respond to this?" And the answer was "No." I didn't respond.

My stomach is in knots right now.