SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been trying to stay busy all day, but all day my mind finds it way to my wife.

Tonight I went to an event and I bailed on my friends who invited me because the music that was being played was nothing but love songs. I barely made it to my car before I started sobbing. I'm sobbing as I type this right now.

I don't own any firearms, but if I did, I'm not sure that I could be trusted with myself right now.

All I can think about is her being so happy with her new guy and how he's probably sitting around her apartment and doing the things that I used to do.

God. I'm a wreck.

Just chill dude. Simplify for right now. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Simplify your routine and just exist for a while. Don't allow yourself to think things like you just spoke of. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. At this point your best friend is routine. Get a simple one in place and follow it every day. DON'T sit and lament your situation. I know that seems impossible but busy your mind with other things if you need to. DON'T self-medicate. That'll only make it worse. I know. Make sure to add some sweat to your daily routine. Walk, knock out some push-ups, whatever but sweat. Live as simple a life as you can right now and let time pass. Seriously. Follow your routine and let time pass. That's good enough for now. Also, start looking into therapists in your area. Does your work have an EAP program? If so, use it. These things are not do-it-yourself fixes. I tried that. It didn't work.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 8:59 PM, August 29th (Tuesday)]

Ugh Mrused. It just hurts so damn much. I know. Believe me.

Try journaling. I would drive to a country spot and SCREAM in my car to release the pain. Cry. See a therapist. Really - so many of us were not the therapy type until this atomic bomb dropped. I used to cross the hours off a spreadsheet to get through the day. But it does get better.

Take care of you as best you can. Be kind to yourself for feeling the pain. Get to the next day.

Sends my you strength.

Yup been there myself, three times...and I'm still kicking.

Maybe I'm just too much of a grumpy SOB to kick off just yet.

Remember this...YOU WILL BE OK!

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 9:46 PM, August 29th (Tuesday)]

Hi MisterUsed,

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I was once where you are now, and I want to tell you that it WILL get better. I promise you that one day you will be happy again.

I don't know the details of your story, but it might be an idea to visit your doctor and tell him/her how your are feeling.

Antidepressants can be a really big help to get through the early days of this trauma.

You are not alone. All of us BSs here are going down this road together with you.

Sending you strength.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:49 PM, August 29th (Tuesday)]

All I can think about is her being so happy with her new guy and how he's probably sitting around her apartment and doing the things that I used to do.

Strength brother, it is tough!

Two things;

1) We all think of our wayward spouse now and then and about what we have lost and feel sadness, anger, jealousy and many other negative emotions, it is only natural to do that, but to counteract it and pull yourself up:

The trick is to to understand that you now focus too much on her and to shift your focus away from her to yourself and to YOU, on what you like to do and to go do that! And you have been happy before you knew her, right? Thus, focus on you and your independence from her, go and do what (used to) make you happy! YOU are YOUR best friend, thus, shift your focus from her to YOU and make it a good time for YOU!

2) Yeah, the things that you used to do. But with the loss you have gained something very valuable, which is FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM! Yes, be happy about it, you do not need to care for her anymore, no more drama from her, no more stress because of her, no more worries, even though you may feel sad, there is also reason to be happy, she is not your burden or heavy weight that drags you down anymore, you are FREE! You are FREE man! Romantic relationships have their benefits but also their drawbacks, you are FREE now and go and enjoy that freedom in PEACE. Always wanted to buy that (inexpensive) motorcycle but she did not allow it?, go and buy it! Hanging out late with your friends but she wanted you to come home early?, now go and enjoy! Like Braveheart said, "Freedom!!!". Celebrate it!

I wish you well, just wanted to point that out to you since those realizations helped me, strength brother!

Everytime you think of her, think of another way you can end it, separate from her, purge her from your life, push her further toward the horizon until she finally disappears from view.

Like Braveheart said, "Freedom!!!". Celebrate it!

like babypuke said, it's all about attitude!

Misterused, my counselor taught me a breathing technique to use when my emotions overwhelmed me. It truly works at least most of the time. A few times I'd be doing it and just get so damned furious, I'd end up sputtering. WHY am I the one having to take antidepressants just to survive? Why am I the one driving down the road sobbing because a song came on the radio? Why am I denied the simple routine of having the television on? I haven't watched TV since DDay - I have no idea about news, sports, music, etc. A few bits of things on Facebook feed now and then but the rest of the world is moving on and here I sit, playing mindless games and reading/writing on S.I.

Meanwhile, he's playing house with his one true love. They've been able to erase the last 50 yrs. of their lives, the mistakes they've made, etc. and pick back up, the boy with his letter jacket and her, the white trash bimbo.

The other day seeing a salmon recipe on Facebook did me in. I don't like fish, XWH loves fish. So when I saw the recipe, my mind immediately pictured the 2 of them wearing matching aprons and cooking together, patting one another's butts as they walked by one another, her smiling on lovingly while he grills it and then sitting down to eat, holding hands across the table and putting their forks into each other's mouths.

I had to stop there cuz you know where it was going.

Shit. What a rat bastard.

I hope I made you feel better..........I should stay out of this forum.

Edited: That was awhile back and while I'm in a bad mood today, I am beginning to have more good days than bad. 3 steps forward, 1 back, as they say. Just do whatever you have to do to hold on.

Except drink. Alcohol is the worst thing we can do right now because it's a depressant and has a half life so a drink today will continue depressing you for days. Eat M&M's instead and envision those little squeaky voices begging for their lives as you bite them in half and annihilate them.

[This message edited by josiep at 9:07 AM, August 30th (Wednesday)]

Everyone's comments are on the money.

MisterUsed.. trust that you wife sucks. Trust her OM sucks. They suck, they are awful people. They aren't living your life, in your apartment, they are living another life. A duplicitous, cheating, ugly life. No matter how it looks on the outside, on the inside it's vacuous.

I agree that you should see your Doc about antidepressants. And don't rush yourself on the social scene.

Big hugs. You will make it through this.

Thank you, everyone, for the replies. I'm doing better than I was last night, but I'm still feeling a deep sense of pain and rejection.

She called me around 11 today, but I was paralyzed. I was literally afraid to pick up the phone because just hearing her voice was going to be no good for me. And what if she had wanted to argue about something. I just didn't have it in me.

I don't think a fear of your wife's voice is normal. I just can't bear to hear it right now.

Mister, I agree that you should see your doctor and discuss anti-depressants. I've been taking them for 3 months; in 1 more month, if I continue to do OK, we're going to start cutting back already. So it's just a temporary thing, please don't be too proud to get them.

If you can find a divorce support group, go for it. Also, check out Meetup cuz there might be a group there. Or something else you'd enjoy doing.

I wish you lived nearby so we could sit and talk and cry together. You bring the Kleenex, I bring the M&M's.

MisterUsed

She called me around 11 today, but I was paralyzed. I was literally afraid to pick up the phone because just hearing her voice was going to be no good for me. And what if she had wanted to argue about something. I just didn't have it in me.

I don't think a fear of your wife's voice is normal. I just can't bear to hear it right now.

Not sure how far you've been caught in this hell ?

Ive had mostly NC for 4/5 months after brutal attempt at R with my remorseless WW since Day in nov. 2015.

The waves of torturous emotion fading immensely ,back to reality, functional at work, life goes on I guess, but it can still hits like a tidal wave at times .

You deal ,let it wash over you and carry on.

It sucks ,she texted saying wants to come get the last of her things from house .The thought of seeing her, talking to her triggers me badly, I lost it for an hour again, I hate what she became , but as the rage and trauma fades at times I just miss our life together, I believed she was my best friend, would always be in my life no matter what.

Well WHAT fucking hurts so much still. This is going to take a lot of time and effort to keep going, but I wont give up.

You are understood, we all hope that each of us keeps going and finds a life again.

Fight through it !

I see my therapist tomorrow morning.

I've taken the advice of many on here, and so far today I worked incredibly hard at my job and felt good about doing a great job today.

I came home (exhausted) to an empty house and took a nap.

I was feeling sorry for myself, but I had an epiphany: My wife is where she wants to be. She has chosen OM over me and that's the way she wants it. If she wanted to be here with me, she would be.

So I got out of bed, put on my workout clothes and went for a three-mile walk and lifted weights when I got home.

This is the best that I've felt in days. When I got back home, there was a text from my STBXW asking about the forks she couldn't find from the set she took with her. She wanted to know if I'd look for them here. I wrote back "Okie-dokie," which she knows to mean that I won't.

Hopefully, this mood will stay with me.

Hello Mr. U. I am right there with ya, it's been two days and tonight I finally left to see my friends for support, finally sharing and not rug sweeping and protecting like I jave been for years. Felt good to do so. I have been so raw and shakey since Monday night that I have been afraid to drive but if I isolate I will die. If I drink I will die. I can't sleep, no appetite (divorce diet?) and rushes of unbearable pain. then numb, then angry, then hopeful I'll be ok, then unbearable pain. This truly is the worst thing ever. I think it would be easier if my serial cheating H had died in a car accident or something. I guess one can hope. Hang on, just hang on...

Mrused, you will have more bad days...but you'll have more good days too. The key is, when you're in that dip in the roller coaster and the feelings overwhelm you, remember that it's not forever - another good day is right around the corner.

And fuck her forks. You should've replied "Go fork yourself!" or "frankly my dear, I don't give a fork..." or "The way you've been forking around, they could be anywhere!!"

And fuck her forks. You should've replied "Go fork yourself!" or "frankly my dear, I don't give a fork..." or "The way you've been forking around, they could be anywhere!!"

Simplify. Don't be afraid to dumb it all down. Eat drink sleep work. You're already on here so obviously you read some. Sprinkle in a walk or lift weights. You will have to look at yourself in the mirror and deal with you no matter what happens. It sucks at times but don't be afraid of it. Try not to let the passage of time get to you because it's going to creep by sometimes and fly by other times.

I and way too many others know the pain you are feeling. The cruelty and injustice of it all. One day at a time.

Edit: Just saw the fork text. Just think you could either have all this reality to deal with or be so delkusional as to ask about forks, really forks?

When I'm down amd blue I'd rather be me than you is what I'd respond with.

[This message edited by NewDayforDad at 9:01 PM, August 30th (Wednesday)]