SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I get this. Been there. thing is, I didn't want to be dead. I just wanted the pain to stop. So this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, because the pain will stop. Or at least be much much less.

Hang on, it does get better. Please talk to your IC about meds and if they think you need some to get you through the darkest times.

To hell with her and OM. One of them will screw the other one over eventually.

Great!!! I'm so happy you're ok. Be honest with therapy tomorrow. Don't minimize what you tell them or how much you tell them. Be truthful and upfront, other wise it's a waste of your time and money.

Don't want Si to have to read an update about you. We want *you* to post the updates, so be very truthful and honest tomorrow with IC. (((MISTER))) would you look at that another one of those cyber hugs

So glad to hear you are reaching out. I am in California - PM me and we can talk.

Just keep swimming - we care, we really do. And we understand. (((Mister)))

Just chking you awake

((((MisterUsed))))

I know I'm a little late here and I am so very relieved that you are still here with us, but I wanted to chime in to re-post some things that I have posted before to people who are feeling suicidal.

I too have been where you are. Full of despair. Futureless. Unable to bear ANY. MORE. PAIN.

Know there are people who understand. Know that there is help out there for you. Know that life does not always need to be the way that it is now. Know how many you touch and how much you would be missed if you were to take your own life.

I think it is completely normal to think about killing oneself. How many times have you heard someone say 'I wish I were dead' in response to stress or pressure or sadness. It is a way of saying that we think that our pain, our suffering is too much to bear. And then we bear it, so it turns out not to have been unbearable, and on we go with our lives.

What is dangerous is suicidal BEHAVIOR, as opposed to ideation. An idea cannot hurt us. A behavior can. Suicidal ideation is not necessarily in and of itself dangerous. Suicidal behavior is VERY dangerous.

The risk of completing a suicide is higher when a person has a plan, the will and the means to carry it out. Impulsivity increases the risk when the means are available.

Suicidal thoughts can be just that - thoughts. Not saying it's not dangerous, but everyone can have those kind of thoughts at some time.

What's MOST dangerous is exhibiting suicidal BEHAVIORS: making a plan and acquiring the means to carry out that plan puts you at high risk of self-harm.

In my deepest, darkest moments I was ready to take that plunge. To the point of 2 involuntary psych hospital commitments, once for a month and the other for 6 weeks. And somewhat recently nearly another: I came within one click of buying a plane ticket to a place where I can acquire my preferred means of suicide. I handed my passport over to my psychiatrist until I was able to stop thinking about doing that.

I am working very hard to stay alive right now, and am being closely followed by my psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse.

The main thing that keeps me here is my boys. I keep thinking 'Don't hurt the boys'. Even if I don't always think that my suicide would hurt them. I am trying to get better.

If you have enough self-awareness to reach out for help when needed, you can just watch out that suicidal thoughts don't become suicidal behaviors.

I am so sad that all of us are in this position because of being betrayed by our spouses.

Please continue to reach out for help any moment that you are feeling this way. Call a suicide prevention hotline. Reach out to friends IRL. Reach out to us here, there are members all around the world, so there is always someone logged in on SI who really really wants to help you.

Hang in there. I am sending out strength to you and wisdom to your therapist/care providers. I am sending out hope for your future.

Your life is precious. You are precious. Trust that there are other solutions to any of life's problems. Trust that until you are able to KNOW it yourself.

((((MisterUsed))))

Thank you everyone! I'm up and dressed and ready to see my therapist this morning. I'm posting here to let everyone know that I made it through the night.

I woke up a lot last night, so I don't feel rested, but at least yesterday is over, and I have a full work day today. I have tomorrow off, but I intend to keep myself as busy as my exhausted body will let me. And I have opera rehearsal tonight.

I received a speeding ticket in the mail from the state police in another state, except it was my STBXW's car. Her car is in both of our names, mine listed first, so the ticket came in my name. Since it won't impact her if the ticket goes unpaid, I know I'll be stuck paying it.

I shot a picture of the ticket and sent it to her via text and let her know when the $100 fine was due. She wrote back but it was just crickets on my end. No need to converse. NC=no new pain.

She was upset over the ticket because given her current financial situation, a hundred dollars will be a burden for her. But that's NOT MY PROBLEM. She wanted this, so she can have it.

I'm just mad that I'll have to pay the ticket.

I know that I'm writing a lot and getting off topic, but I'm just trying to fill the minutes before I have to leave for my session.

Mister, glad you're doing a bit better today.

Didn't you say that you got new meds recently? Please let your doctor know about the thoughts you're having; he or she may need to prescribe something else as some meds cause suicidal thoughts and actions.

Sending you strength and peace today...

Please choose life. You have your whole life ahead of you. Suicide is called a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem. You want the pain to go away. And it can. There is a whole world of caring people out there. Experts who can help you get to a place of managing your pain and then healing. We need you here.

MisterUsed-

Write about whatever you need to. You're not alone. We're with you.

Speeding ticket sucks. How do you get your name off that car? Do what you can. Every little bit forward is a bit forward.

We're with you.

MisterUsed,

I'm glad you made to another day. I totally understand your pain. I think we all do.

I read your other threads a bit and see you're pretty new. I'm almost 7 months in and can kinda sorta feel it getting better. But I was definitely where you are, early on.

You just gotta keep going. Hang in there. It's going to get tougher. But we're here with you. Post here as often as you can. And if things get really bad, reach out to a professional, call a hotline.

We've got your back, bro.

MisterUsed - Each day is a victory.

Some times I was only able to make it minute by minute but then sometimes hour by hour. I had setbacks. Now after almost 18 months I can go week by week. I can make longer term plans.

Yes I still get setbacks and you will too.

And hell! Write as much as you want. For me, I found that writing some of the most meaningless drivel got me through the bad times. And people in places like this understand and while some may judge most will know where you have been.

There is a path through this. You might not be able to see it all the time. Just take it one step at a time.

BT

How was ic today?

How was ic today?

Hope it went well for you today. I definitely understand your pain- to me I never experienced anything like it, was definitely the worst heartache I have ever had. I had to get on antidepressants, and they worked for wonders for me.

I was actually committed against my will for a day by my psychiatrist because I really wanted to go and off the POSOM and then myself (at least I thought I did). The term off my meds definitely applied to me that day; it was my darkest ever.

I can safely say months later, that the pain is almost gone. Now I have slight discomfort thinking about it- but NOTHING like before.

Good luck to you my friend

Hey MisterUsed - just checking in on you.

Hope things went well with the Opera. I'm not a big fan of much of the music myself either but I do appreciate the performance and staging which is all part of the art too.

Keep going. One step at a time - one hour at a time - and you'll get to your brighter future.

BT

((((Misterused)))))

I am sorry that you are hurting so much but you can do this.

I am a woman and my body was in such a pain after dday that I didn't believe I could survive it but I did.

You can survive this too, you will. A lot of us have done it.

You are not alone.

Take care of yourself and keep going.

Hugs again!

LMM