SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My regret is huge. I started dating him when I was 15. He cheated on me when I was 17- he was 20. He promised never hurt me like that again, and I took him back. We got married four years later and were married for seventeen years when DDay happened. I rugswept for two more years score finally filing for D.

So, essentially, he got twenty years of my life when he did t deserve twenty minutes. I am very angry about how it all played out, even though my current life is wonderful.

I am not a big believer in second chances or forgiveness. I am a big believer in treating people as they deserve with respect and truth.

I regret not divorcing him on the first d day when we were just married four years- no kids yet,I just finished my masters. But honestly I'm ok that I waited a few years til my kids got older and I was more stable in my career. Do I wish I was a little younger - sure, but the struggle would have been even worse.

This is a very highly personal process. I've seen stories of all sorts about what people tried. All I can tell you for sure is when all the knowledge from your brain hits your heart, you just KNOW what you must do. It's no more wavering, waffling, what is.

The beastly ex reared up recently and mucked with the kids. They were worried I might pain shop, I was like no worries, I KNOW who he is, I no longer need proof.....

I know exactly who he is and why NC is mandatory.

Lot of perspectives...Thanks guys for your answers..

My decision to divorce was a business decision. He was stealing marital money and walked away from me and the kids. I had to protect us. My heart caught up later. That being said, he didn't do any work on himself during the 2 1/2 months I waited to file after he left. I can't say I did everything I could to save my marriage. But instead I did everything I could to save me and the kids. So no regrets.

No regrets here, well excluding waiting so dam long. Truth be told, not only can I live without him, I'm happier then I've ever been.

I do not regret the divorce. I regret that I didn't walk as soon as I found the pictures of the first ow on his phone, which I found only 2 weeks after we married. MC, false R, emotional, psychological, physical abuse and multiple Ddays with at least 6 women over the next 9 years as well as my life threatening illness led to him asking for a divorce, then changing his mind. I gave him 1 year to do work on himself while in an IHS due to my country requirement of a year separation. He did not do the work and repeatedly stated he wanted to be married. He even said it as we stood in line to have the clerk sign the divorce papers. He was and still is with the ow. I repeated that I would not stay in a marriage with 3 people.

When I get emotional about the years I spent with ex and the multiple betrayals. I repeat to myself "They did me a favour and allowed me to free myself from hell".

I am getting used to being single. I like my spontaneous self and the freedom to be me. Each bs needs to find their own way through the madness. Everyone has different resources, issues and strength to deal with R or D.

No regrets in divorce . I agree with those who advise to file asap, to only offer an attempt to recover with those who immediately show selfless remorse.

That being said, I wasn't able to follow that advise.

The initial shock and devastation lasted for 8 months and the inability to accept reality kept me in limbo for another 8 ,living with a cold remorseless WW, knowing I needed to D but paralyzed for so long cycling between false hope and reality , wanting to file but caught in living hell.

I'm 2 years 1 month out from Dday .

7 months mostly NC and Divorced for 3 days now.

Thank fucking god!

I'm eternally saddened for the loss of my past ,of what I believed in.

My sons witnessed my deconstruction, they are forever affected. I am finally "ME" again.

I still get hit, occasionally cry, but LIFE is in reach again .I SURVIVED.

It took what it took ,the time, the process of loss and grieving. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I know of no one I hate that much.

I should have divorced him a long time ago; however, if I had I wouldn't have my son, so I can't say I regret holding on too long.

Thank you for raising this issue!

Of course I regret ending the relationship with her, if only I would have given her more time to work on herself and/or would have done things in another way, then her and I would be in a happy relationship with each other now!

Still, it is almost a year after the breakup now, and she never contacted me to ask me how I am doing, to ask whether all is well with me, to make any amends or seek closure, or anything (except when she needed my help to resolve a study related statistics problem that she could not resolve herself).

Thus, she does not seem to have any regrets about how she treated me and that she cheated on me and the breakup, no regrets at all, otherwise I would have heared about it from her (I am so sorry!).

She is not regretful, I thus have no reason to regret it that I ended it with her. Strength!

I don't believe it was inevitable. The D was entirely my XWW's choice. I wanted a committed relationship where we try to help each other be better people together, and she wanted--God only knows, and maybe He's still waiting for her to figure it out.

R is really crazy hard. It hurts for so long. If I didn't believe my XWW could have been worth the suffering, I wouldn't have offered or tried. The 2nd time around, I was totally ready to walk, and I should have. My 2nd R was misguided because my XWW was lying about her willingness to R.

I don't regret my choices, because my decisions are who I am. That's my character. I made the choices for me, not for what others would think of me.

The R/D choices are awful. There's long term pain either way. You make the best choice you can and live through it trying for a better life in the future.

I remember being very happy in R for a while, and I'm now very content in D.

I deeply regret wasting my time, energy, and money on attempted reconciliation. I didn't have anything to lose but the relationship, I could have walked and never looked back. In the end, I did. But after a year. At first I felt that I at least gave it a chance so my conscience was clear. But after the shock and trauma fog passed, I realized that it was always a dealbreaker and my conscience would have been clear either way.