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My STBXW called about an hour ago. I didn't answer. I can't bear to hear her voice. She didn't leave a voicemail like she usually does, so I'm now wondering WTH she wanted.

I know it couldn't be anything good. Earlier, I went by my attorney's office and spoke with the admin assistant, and she led me to believe that STBXW wasn't served on Friday because I didn't make it in to their office before they closed at noon. So I paid the process server fee, so I assume she'll be served tomorrow.

Perhaps she was calling to see when her papers were going to show. Dunno. But I cannot bear to hear her smug voice or have her bitch at me about something. I've made it clear that I only want to communicate via email or text.

She calls because it's easier on her, and I'm sure, to let me know that I can't dictate the mod of communication with her.

Off to DivorceCare class. Fingers crossed that I don't get another phone call.

If you asked for communication by text or email, keep it that way. I wouldn't even listen to her voice mails if she left one! You can and should have control in this where you can, and if it is request as to the mode of communication, then that's that!

I'm so glad that you're going to divorce care. There are a few of us here who are going. This week it's about depression and I'm anxious to hear what they have to say about it.

Keep doing what you're doing -- take care of business with your attorney, continue with your DivorceCare classes, get up and go to work every day, keep posting here.

Stay strong, Mister 🙂

ETA - if you DO get another phone call from her, let it go to voicemail. NC = no new hurts

[This message edited by DeeplyCrushed at 9:11 PM, September 25th (Monday)]

MU, you have specified ways of contact she can use to contact you, not demanded them you asked civilly and that's perfectly acceptable and the sensible way, if she can't abide by your request that's her problem and hers alone, continue as you are doing, including any voicemails as well, “ignore them all” eventually she will get it, that is, you are no longer going to cowtow down (maybe this is only a UK English term but I think you will understand it's meaning) to do things the way she wants them.

Regards BJE49

I got a text message from her this morning, which explains the call from last night. She just wanted to know where my attorney's office is. I'd told her that she could pick up the papers at his office, but I told her that she was being served at work since she refused to give a serviceable address.

She then said she was bring the car back to me this weekend. I asked her to leave both sets of keys in the mailbox. Her response? "We'll see."

Then she called me. I hit the "decline" button and texted her that I couldn't talk right now.

I mean, WTF! I don't understand her "We'll see." It's just more of her trying to show I can't control her, but I'm not trying to control her. I'm just telling her what I want her to do with the keys. I'm setting boundaries for myself, and I suppose she doesn't like it. Who knows?

Why does she want to keep on arguing?

Damn, I hate this.

Why does she want to keep on arguing?

Because she's a special snowflake! She's the most important thing in The (her) Universe and, since you apparently do not agree with this, you must be brought into line!

/sarcasm off.

Damn, I hate this.

Yeah, I get it. Sorry that you're going through it, too. :v(

Mister Used.....

You asked “Why does she want to keep arguing?”

The answer is, she wants to control you! She wants to push your buttons and get under your skin. My STBXWW is very good at this. She knows exwctly what to say to me that will set me “off”. But I’ve gotten wiser since we’ve separated. I see her for who she is. She enjoys making me miserable. So now I just ignore her “snide” comments or remarks. That way she doesn’t get the opportunity to make me upset. Trust me it’s very hard....but I don’t need her drama or her bullshit in my life anymore. I suspect your WW is exactly like mine. She feeds off still trying to control you, bc she hates who she became (alrhoigh she’ll never admit it.)

The way your WW sees it...if you are getting upset from her remarks, she must still be on your mind and taking up head space. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Don’t feed the monster Mister Used....just walk away!

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 10:44 AM, September 26th (Tuesday)]

I learned that if I talked to xh, it turned into a fight so he could tell himself and other people I was argumentative.

I do not answer his calls, and before I reply to emails, I go on SI. for help.

Our spouses are (maybe always were) messed up thinkers, so our best defense is to not engage with crazy.

I got a text message from her this morning, which explains the call from last night. She just wanted to know where my attorney's office is.

The correct response is.... crickets. She'll be served, and on the paperwork will be your attorney's contact information.

As for the "we'll see"... she's pushing your buttons. Just let it go. It's an unimportant detail. The car will find you. The keys will find you. All small details you won't remember a year from now, and so, are not worth stressing about.

Focus on YOU. Her struggles and logistics are no longer your burden.

So we ended up arguing via text message once she got the papers.

I am getting stuck with 100% of her phone bill, but that's the only way she would sign the papers.

I sent her a text to let her know the papers would be ready for her to sign this afternoon, and that I never wanted to hear from her again for any reason whatsoever.

I know that I can't keep engaged with her bullshit and get better. I wished her and OM nothing but the worst that life has to offer.

She's probing your forcefield for weakness. She resents the fact you grew a spine. I suspect she will continue to test you to see if she can get to you. Continue to ignore.

if she calls, do not answer.

Once you get the signed D papers, if she emails, you do not have to answer.

if she texts and will not stop, no need to text back.

I did hear about one H that would text back the phone number of his attorney, every time he got a text.

I do hope you find healing and peace.

You will do better without her messing with you.

Hope the car still runs. I would lock it where she can't get it.

Mister, how is your eating and sleeping at the moment?