SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey guys...I'm sorry I posted and deleted. I think I may have gone a little to far regarding my husbands privacy. We were intimate, he made me recount an encounter w/OM during and when finished he was mad. I don't know what I expected. But it wasn't anger. Maybe tears? Idk but I was extremely defensive afterwards and I have apologized. Amazingly, nicenomore,read it before I deleted and gave me some incredible insight. So thank you all so much. We are ok today.

[This message edited by JulieMarie at 1:14 PM, November 18th (Saturday)]

(((((JulieMarie)))))

I'm sending you strength tonight.

I am not sure what you wrote here but this is a very normal feeling for a wayward to have. Things that would be simple in the past now are scrutinized for an ulterior motive, everything is perceived as a purposeful way to manipulate and control a situation, every comment or compliment comes with a comparison to someone else, your BS is going to protect at all costs to avoid any additional pain. This is something that is very common in my relationship and I continue to struggle, knowing that I should not be defensive and that I have a very short leash and failing because I am not focused on everything that I wrote above. Focus on your BS and keep everything that your BS has been through at your hands and talk and act with these things in mind, stay diligent and don't lose sight of your motive to be helpful and not hurtful to your BS.

This is my advise for you but more than anything is advise for ME because I need to listen to this advise more than anyone!

Hi there JulieMarie,

There are going to be times you feel that way for sure. Focus on wholesome/unwholesome. Strive for thoughts, words and deeds that push you more toward being your whole, integral and authentic self. Even when your BS (or anyone else) responds in a way that is painful to you, you can take comfort that you are moving toward wholeness.

Also. It's okay to have feelings of hurt and rejection and whatever else it is that motivated you to say "I can't do anything right". Give up on the idea that there is always a way to do or say the right thing to avoid the crummy feelngs. Sometimes there just isn't. Better to develop tools for dealing with them in a wholesome way when they happen. Devote some time every day to your mindfulness practice. Meditation seems so simple but it is really effective at teaching you how to avoid being swept away by thoughts and feelings.

Hang in there. It's going to get better. You're going to be better.

Proceed with conviction and valor.

Strength to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.

I am thinking about you today. Would you please check in and let me know how you are doing?

I do understand what you are going through. I am here for you to help in anyway that I can. All of us will help you through this.

(((((JulieMarie)))))

JM

As most will say, I was a very angry man. Years in therapy saved me. I am also in the financial services industry and see a number of divorces every year. I usually see couples who are in the rawest state. When one or both want out. I had one in particular where the husband was sociopathic in his treatment of his wife. They were 6 months from day and he s comon term of reference for the wife was whore. After 10 minutes I halted the meeting saying I could not take it, why are you still living together. The prick smiled at me and said , I. The frankest tone that he was torturing her, making her life misery. I looked at her and said you fucked up, but damn lady! Nobody could put up with that. She felt she deserved it. I recounted my story and he liked my revenge. I tell that story as a cautionary tale. Not to help someone else justify their actions. I demanded he use a civil tone. I told his wife that as long as they are seeing me, let’s split assets and somebody move out. She finally said, me, he was surprised. He dragged her to my office to further torture her. I went through a very positive scenario for her. He was white faced. Finally got called on his shit. She walked . I made sure she did well. He would have screwed her, and I felt justice was served.