SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, he wants to be perfect dad in eyes of our DD. Though she never liked I only do house chores. She gets really upset about this. She will never respect me if she will find out that I have tolerated so much dirty cheating of him. She is really smart and a strong feminist girl. But I am sad all this happening during her high school phase.

Thanks

She will never respect me if she will find out that I have tolerated so much dirty cheating of him.

Actually, the opposite - She will never respect you if you keep tolerating it and she finds out later. I read some interesting articles about what children of divorce think. And there is common thread that speaks to them being upset to find that their parents did not divorce or separate because of them. You might want to Google some resources about that. It will help tremendously in helping guide you.

Good for her that she's strong and smart. I think you might be surprised to know that she's probably much more aware of what is happening than you realize.

You mention being from a different country. Is it a country where divorce or failed relationships is not well tolerated or accepted?

Yes, I am not from a western country and divorce/separation was not well accepted. Now its comman in my country too. I am from a highly educated family (including me) and my whole extended family will support me whatever I decide.

But I know he will not make the divorce process easy for me.

My H wrote me a 5 page letter.

Section1: pointing out my less sex drive

e. Arguments with you

This letter hurting me as much as his cheating. In last few months I asked him for me to consider R, do three things

i. Full truth (extent of his sex acts, his regular strippers, how many time somebody came to my home)

ii: Give me some space, stop nagging to forget and forgive

iii: See a consular

He did none of these three things. Since I confronted him 10/7/2017, he just blaming me.

I really appreciate your comments and suggestions. Please talk to me.

This all making me believe that he cheated due to my less sex initiatives or interest.

But he never made me felt loved or cared. I am not a machine. Do all house chores, so much restrictions on me.

I am sorry Hurtinfinity. He's blameshifting his actions onto you and you have done NOTHING to cause him to cheat. He's in denial if he thinks a bar and a stripclub are the same thing. Ask him to take you out to a stripclub and see if he still thinks that is the same as taking you out to a bar.

I can understand how hurtful his letter was for you. His actions outlined as helping you are negligible and do not show any remorse for hurting you. Your three requests were quite reasonable. A counselor can help him deal with parents & brother issue as well as acceptance of no more children. None of those are your fault.

You cannot forgive what you don't know you're forgiving and he does need to give you the full truth for you to even know if you can work on reconciliation. That can be done in a counselor's office (and for your sake I suggest that; the strength of a qualified counselor would help you process the information received and resulting trauma). I don't know that we can ever forget but I assure you time will dull the pain.

He absolutely did not cheat as a result of your sex drive, that is 100% an excuse on his part and you are not responsible for his cheating.

Stay strong!

I sent the letter (my WH wrote to me) to my consular and she read it before my today's session. She also found that's nothing but blameshifting to boost his ego and avoid taking any responsibilities for what he did. There was nothing in letter which shows he is sorry and/or he cares for my feelings. This is so strange, I am living with this man for 16 years and not able to recognize, "he don't care/love/respect me".

Hurtinfinity, Please confirm that all items in section 3 of his letter are total lies and false just like so many other lies he has told you. If not false, then did not consular found them as sign of him being sorry?