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sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 1:00 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
Just wanted to chime in...if your husband has been choosing pork and masturbation over sex with you, a real life woman, then porn was a problem. Now, after dday - he may have valid reasons to avoid sex with you - but pre-A? Yes. Porn was killing the intimacy in your marriage.
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
Sayuwontletgo (original poster member #62427) posted at 1:30 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
I should’ve explained the situation with the porn a little better. When we weren’t having sex and he was turning me down we’ve talked about it now and said it was a pressure thing. He felt like he could never live up to the expectations that I had for our sex life. I was a sex everyday type person and he was a once or twice every two weeks type guy. He told me the porn didn’t judge him and he couldn’t let strangers down so it was easier. In the few years that I ended the affair and he hadn’t found out yet our sex life was great. When I took the pressure off him we actually had sex way more often. Porn had been included in that for us. Right after Dday H started hysterical bonding which took me off guard. I was prepared to wait as long as I needed for him to be comfortable. Currently our sex life is back to what I would consider better than normal but I know that can still change.
Me: WW 32
BH- morethanbroken 33
EA turned PA lasting over 3 yrs
Dday- 0ct 2017
Married 11yrs
working for R
jinkazama ( member #61319) posted at 3:12 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
Ok so i think
Its more issue of different sex drives.
Ok so now what is the progress in R
Are you answering his questions.?
Do not TT otherwise he will never be able to trust a single word
It will destroy his ability to trust.
Sayuwontletgo (original poster member #62427) posted at 3:38 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
I have answered his questions, no TT I’ve told him everything. It was so long ago I can’t recover any of the messages so he can see them. I’ve been reading that others have done a polygraph as a reassurance I’m going to ask him if he’d like me to take one. Progress with Recovery seems to be at a hault. He seems shut down, so I’m trying to find ways to start the conversations while still being supportive. I’m going to ask him if he’s like to join this sight as well. Reading thru what other people have been doing and experiencing can only help I think?
Me: WW 32
BH- morethanbroken 33
EA turned PA lasting over 3 yrs
Dday- 0ct 2017
Married 11yrs
working for R
WilliamM ( member #60910) posted at 5:40 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
My wife had three affairs. I found out about them all within one week. It will take time for him to process all that he knows. Right now he is thinking, a lot of things. Mind movies are constantly running in his mind. He is wondering if it is worth it. The best think you can do is be there when he needs you, give me space when he ask, show him love and support when you can.
jinkazama ( member #61319) posted at 5:58 PM on Friday, January 26th, 2018
He seems shut down, so I’m trying to find ways to start the conversations while still being supportive.
I do not know much about R but after reading many stories my conclusion is R is done in two parts by the BS
1. He have to eat the shit sandwhich (your 3 year affair,betrayal,your double life,mind movies,emasculation,etc)
2. He needs reassurance that it will never happen again.(it also means he will never 100% trust you)
You know what is the saddest thing about infidelity is it stole a faithful betrayed person Past with the WS
Many good memories are now tainted 
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