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Reconciliation :
Couples retreats - are they helpful?

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OneInTheSame ( member #49854) posted at 10:41 PM on Monday, May 21st, 2018

I am finding that marriage/couples retreats have some inherent barriers for my wife and me:

#1 My health and disability: it is hard work accommodating my dietary quirks (not easy to explain) and my disabilities (can't do the recreational stuff, walking difficult, and being in the IBS/IBD/Crohn's family of issues, need for frequent breaks if I am having a bad day). And the long days: most retreats follow a schedule that would exhaust me by the first lunch break.

#2 I am a chronic pain patient and use both opioids and medical marijuana. Most places I have checked with frown on or outright ban these things.

#3 We are a same sex couple. Many retreats hem-and-haw about this, and then usually end up suggesting we try other avenues when they hear I have disabilities as well. Retrouvaille is heterosexual couples only, and I am guessing many other Christian-based retreats are as well.

#4 I am 66 and my wife is 58. The retreats do seem aimed at younger, more physically vigorous participants.

(I edit to correct typos)
I am the BS in a lesbian marriage. My WW's ex-girlfriend was the AP.
D-day of the 6 mo A was 10/04/15
We are doing okay, but by now I wanted it to be better

posts: 2535   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 8169491
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:37 AM on Tuesday, May 22nd, 2018

We are a same sex couple. Many retreats hem-and-haw about this, and then usually end up suggesting we try other avenues when they hear I have disabilities as well. Retrouvaille is heterosexual couples only, and I am guessing many other Christian-based retreats are as well.

I think that is very unfair and, of course, discriminatory. I am sorry that there are so many intolerant people.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8169723
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:09 PM on Tuesday, May 22nd, 2018

OITS,

Just to be sure, have you checked with your IC for recommendations?

Who have you called for info? Is the gender of your partner the only problem, or have the others been obstacles for the provider, too?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30965   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8170105
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