SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just found out over the last week that my husband has been calling massage parlors and also visiting them and getting happy endings. I initially found out when I saw a text he sent a girl saying she had a sexy body. I confronted him. He said that he went to the massage places a few times in the falll and then again recently in the spring. During this time, I was Pregnancy with out third child and his father became sick and passed away the day after my son was born. So I essentially Had to check out of the hospital myself, which was fine. But then I was Readmitted for a complication for another four days. My husband was out of town during that entire time and it was by far the most stress we had endured. While our relationship had been rocky, I thought that these extreme circumstances were bringing us together, yet he was escalating with the massages. He started going again just one month after everything happened. And then escalated to the texts that I found. When I confeonted Him he said it was a handful of times. I started Checked our phone bill and realized that he was calling many times a few days per week. He said he would just call,but not go. I kept Waiting for the other show to drop and it did yesterday. He finally admitted that he has gone probably 30 times or so. He started back in 2016 and that he only received happy endings, but on occasion would touch a girl’s chest.

For so long I thought I was a bad wife but his doing this prevented us from having intimacy because he was getting sexually satisfied elsewhere. He said he would only do it during times of stress and that he will stop. He said that he is happy o found out because now he can stop. I’m just so numb right now and don’t know what to do. This all happened during a time when I feel Most vulnerable after having a baby. My body isn’t the same, and this makes me feel worse about not having lost the last few pounds. And in my opinion, he just doesn’t get what it is like to be a mom and to have just had a baby. He thinks it’s easy because I make It look easy, but I’m not a superwoman.

I know He desperately wants me to stay in the relationship, but I feel so betrayed. He lied for so long. Any advice would be very welcome. This is unchartered territory for me. I love Him but I also dont know where to go from here.

SweetiePie:

So sorry you find yourself here at what should be a most joyous time for you. First, please take care of yourself. Get checked for STD’s. Your WH’s cheating activities threatens your health as well as the health of your child. Eat healthy, rest, exercise when possible ( I know, I know, you have a newborn) and try and get adequate sleep ( again, I know, almost impossible with a newborn. Your WH’s massage activities are incredibly disrespectful and selfish especially while you are pregnant. Please read in the healing library in the yellow box above. Your WH must read “how to help your spouse heal from an affair”, by Linda McDonald.

Many others will have support and advice for you. You have a wonderful newborn to care for so make sure you do nice things for yourself. Your WH should be falling all over himself to make your life easier. In the I Can Relate forum there is a thread for spouses of Waywards involved with emotionless infidelity and also for sex addicts.

Strength to you moving forward.

Instead of working together to make a stressful time more bearable for the both of you, he sought release elsewhere and added to your problems. Unless he knows how to react differently, this will happen again and again in different ways.

I would tell him he needs to get into therapy to figure out how to become a safe partner. You finding out didn't allow him to stop. He could have stopped earlier, but more importantly, he could have never started.

SweetiePie, this must be so difficult to deal with now. Postpartum hormones are raging and we're so emotional. I am so sorry you are going through this at this time. I also sorry that your spouse was so self-centered. Please listen to FarEast's advice and take care of yourself. And remember to cherish the time with that precious baby as well as your other two children. There are many caring people here with advice to help you. We're all different, take the advice that works for you. I hope you find peace and healing.

You don't have to figure out anything right now. The

numbess is normal. It's the first stage of greif. Wether or not you stay married, there will be greif.

I would strongly advise therapy for both of you. And self-care. Get non-habit-forming sleep aids (benadryl or melatonin, if your pharmacist agrees), try to eat or get liquid meals if you can't. Try to exercise or at least go on walks. Install a meditation app and use it.

Hang in there!

He desperately wants me to stay in the relationship...

Of course he does. That's the goal of most cheaters. They don't cheat to LOSE what they have at home. They cheat to have EXTRA and to keep what they have at home. That's why they work so hard at deceiving us - so we DON'T find out.

You can't believe a word out of his mouth about him not having sex with any of these sex workers. It's highly unlikely he's stopped at hand jobs. He's such a liar and believe me when I tell you - lying to you to protect his own ass is more important to him than being HONEST with you and telling you that you need to get STD testing because he's been doing a lot more than just hand jobs.

That's the liar you're likely dealing with.

Lastly, he's a repeat offender and they don't seem to be able to have remorse. Oh, they'll put on a good show of having it, but most don't seem to truly be able to experience remorse. That's how they're able to just cheat over and over and over and over again.

If you choose to stay, it's going to be a very hard future with someone like him. I'm just being honest. Therapy is NOT a magic cure like everyone wants so badly to believe it is. It's NOT.

Good luck to you.

Please be very careful and check on your own health first.

It is very important that you understand your spouse has been not telling you the truth for a long time. Do not expect that to change now. Watch his actions. That is what will give him away going forward.

The chances of oh now my wife knows now I can stop are not good. Keep your own health as top priority. Read the healing library. Take care of you first.

He said that he is happy o found out because now he can stop

So he had to wait until you found out? He couldn't just stop on his own. Yeah right. Have you noticed each time you have confronted him he add more of what he has done? He starts out by minimizing what he as done. Odds are you haven't heard of the whole truth.

He started back in 2016 and that he only received happy endings, but on occasion would touch a girl’s chest.

Keep investigating and confronting. Odds are he engaged in sex too. You both need to get tested for STDs and don't have sex with him until you get the results. There is a forum in the I Can Relate section under Emotionless Infidelity. Sorry you are here, I understand how you feel.