SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Instead work on getting to indifference

As TrustGone says, this really is the best thing.

For a long time, I longed for the big falling to his knees epiphany moment of "what have I done?" Yeah, but to do that, he would have to think about looking in the mirror. That wasn't going to happen. Too much self-preservation of his ego. And as far as being able to step into my moccasins and have something resembling empathy? Uh, no. Like not ever.

And if he did show up on my door step in his fit of apologizing, it would have been for his own agenda. What would that have done for me? Nothing really. I might have had a fun "told you so" moment for a few seconds, but it wouldn't change anything for my pathway forward. I had to do that all on my own - with or without any words from him. Turns out "without" was actually better for my healing.

...and when apologies do come, they're typically wrapped in tortured logic and narcissism.

To wit, this occurred more than two years after our split:

"You must believe me, I never intended to hurt you. Not one second..."

Me: "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

This obsession on intentions without any regard to behavior told me all I needed to know.

A friend of mine got an apology.

It was basic cheater speak. "I'm sorry you made me cheat".

You are wasting your time dwelling on this.

For a true apology they'd have to care. They don't. That's why they cheat.

You really need to "get it" because they won't.

There is some great advice above - thank you for posting this thread.

I too would love STBXH to face up to the damage he's done and be sorry.

We were together eight years, and he never let me win a single argument with him, of any nature, serious or joking (DARVO, personal attacks, strawman, word salad, silent treatment etc etc). It was an in joke amongst our social circle, haha. He apologised perhaps 2-3 times total.

I'm just going to have to move on without an apology, aren't I?

Hmmm ... I think you wish for something you will never get. I doubt she can give you what you want ..

You need to get to the closure yourself- as everyone else has said.

I am pretty sure (more then 9 years after original dday) my xwh is waiting for me to apologise for ‘how I made him cheat’

That’s just how the cheaters think ..